60th day of waiting

60th day of waiting..Wed
2day..
woke up..
say my phone..
da time was X:24..
OMG!!
y no1 woke me up..
went out..
saw my bro..
wondering y he nid wake so early..
den i was still in sleepy mood..
he asked me..
y wake up so early..
3 sumthin only wo..
wad??!!
i went bek in room..
saw my phone agn..
omg..
3.20++ only..
ish..
went bek to sleep..
damn tired dat time..
den woke up around 6..
prepared n went to skul rather earlier..
cuz i prepared faster 2day..
den reach dere..
intend finiz bi..
end up notice moral din do..
den quickly do..
many 4B-ians oso rushing PM..
haha..
cuz 1st period is moral..
den sook fen in charge assembly..
she went out 1st..
den i nid to giv pengumuman to all da prefects..
haiz..
when it comes to public speaking..
my brain jux cant stimulate well..
all my language was weird..
n doesn't make sense..
ish..

den ntg much..
sailou incharge kosa kata 2day..
bt take da card only..
no say..
quite cute xia..
lik shy shy lik dat..
actually ntg to be malu of..
dey only focus on da board..
nt u..
so is ntg..
too bad i cant help..
if i do..
mrs lee sure scold me..
y do all dis things..@@

den jux as usual..
bullying yauz~

bek class..
nt much..
skip~

recess..
talked v jie n pian..
~~~~~~~~~~
after recess..
bi..
talked to them agn cuz teac haven come in..
plus..
sumthin happened..
do u think i cant do dat thing dat u did??
i respected u n i cared a bt ur feelings..
dats y i din go in front even i've finish my work..
bt u??
when u finish..
den u jux go in front..
left me behind..
den chat v da gal i lik..
hav u cared abt my feeling??
u think i cant do dat??
n everytime when im with her laz time..
y were u jealous??
u hav ur own gf..
n im jux with da girl i lik..
u jealous wad??!
pls..
stop doing this..
b4 im getting angrier agn..

den bi..
since ive prepared..
so i slept..
w8 till teac wan discuss..

den bio..
teac say we do our own things..
cuz we too 'wild'..
den at 1st..
we ask teac bout da exam format..
den teac ask me to rite.
while she say..
den i pergi conteng..
haha..
"VERY HARD!"
"GOOD LUCK"

haha..
wuliao~
den after going toilet..
dunno y eyes suddenly pain..
i can barely open it..
itchy n pain..
a while later..
ntg much..

den time flies..
school ended..
bt has to stay bek for da performance..
den jux practice..
gonna perform on next monday..
haiz..
gt 1 scene is i bathing..
teac ask me to change into a white t-shirt n a short pants..
den use da towel wrap around waist..
omg..
'sexy' betul..
in front of so many ppl..
omg..
tak tau how..
T.T
2molo discuss agn..

den bek home..
ntg much..
napped for quite some time..
den while in my nap..
i dreamnt of sumthin..
sumthin which im afraid will happen..

1st..
im afraid dat dey will be together agn..
2nd..
im afraid dat da 'friends' dat i rly care abt dun wan to bother me anymore..
thinking dat im very annoying..

i'm rly afraid dis will happen once more..
bt wad can i do??
i dun wanna stand dat kind of torture anymore..
it rly hurts..
A LOT!!

den i dunno how now..
seriously..
m i being annoying??
disturbing??
im afraid i m in u guys heart..
pls tell me da truth..
pls..
i'll try to stop if it is..

lastly..
happy bday..
to PHUNG SWEA YAN!!
haiz..
may nt be da 1st to wish..
hope dat u will gt da merriest day of all~
may all ur wishes come true..
at 1st thought of wanna call u anot..
bt 2molo skul day..
scared u sleep jor..
so jux sms u a msg..

den u replied..
haha..
decide agn..
wanna call?
den end up..
u called me..
oh!!
haha..
den rly sang..
haha..
weird..
bt funny^^

den chat a while..
for 13 min..
^^

rly rly happy..

58th & 59th day of waiting

58th day of waiting..mon
2day..
sook fen in charge perhimpunan..
bt i helped bside..
nt much of a help..
bt acc.ed..
quite a success..
bt da stupid idea..
caused sum ppl nearly faint..
ish~!
banyak masalah la!!

den jux went to chem lab..
do experiment agn..
after mixing 2 solution..
(4gt wad was it)
da whole solution..
suddenly changed into yellow precipitate..
yeng lo!
in the blink of an eye only..
den play v it..
nice~
end up whole hand yellow yellow~

den add math..
haiz..
din attend laz friday..
dun rly noe how to do..
den hor..
suan..
self find out how do using other books..
since no1 can help me..
no1 is free to help..
den find out self..
end up..
success jor!!
haha

den recess..
den sivik..
jux do things..
den BM ntg jor..

after skul nid stay bek..
do da drama..
for pn. chelvi..
hehez..
i gt praised..
xD
bt very fun dat time..
cuz every1 still kiddin kiddin de..
kinda happy..

den..
bek home..
tired..
slept..
den woke up..
tuition..
bored~

den bek home..
sad..
cuz dad told me my phone bill..
argh..
100++
damn..
count sms only..
to non-maxis..
oredi 67++
add up all da calls n things..
100..
damn..
dunno how i use..
rly sh!t de..
now cannot sms jor..
dose were da happy times..
wher i can say out all my behsong things..
to my sailou thru sms..
bt now..
nid to stop..
argh!!
seilo!!
now i can only keep dose frustrations to myself..
very hurt de lo!!!
T.T

59th day of waiting..Tue
morning..
in bilik pengawas..
sang bday song for kailin..
den dunno who gav him da condom box..
rly OMG..
bt damn funny..
jux went to be in charge of da assembly..
haiz..
my luck..
everytime i in charge da mic oso gt prob..
den go up stage..
haha..
tepukan SB~
1st time..
trying to improve myself..

den bm no teac..
keep going out..
wan find teac..
bt cant..

den BC no teac agn..

den Sj..
went down dewan..
do da persembahan..
i forced myself to be serious..
at least i managed to do it..

~~~~~~
haiz..
sailou passed by..
bt everytime shy shy de!!
den keep wan leave..
TT
make me feel lik a failure..
TT
~~~~~~

den recess..
den moral..
haiz..
whole class..
nearly every1 fell down..
cuz every1 very sleepy for no reason..
me myself nearly slept..
den bla bla bla..

den physics..
teac wanted to c me..
cuz i did nt attend laz friday..
den ask me go find pn lee take letter..
den went jor..
take jor..
bek jor..
teac oso speechless jor..
luckily din gt scolded..
den..
do experiment..
abt light de..

den..
after skul at 1st say wan stay bek..
bt end up say dun wan..
dey say all lo..
say dis den dis..
dat den dat..
ish~!

den bek home..
my add math..
rly funny..
dunno nid how long to finiz 1 Q..
hate differentiation..
totally 4gt how jor..
nid start agn..

den tuition..

argh..
it reminds me of..
how gud he is..
n how i compare oso cant be as gud as him..
da way he treats her..
da way he do his hw..
im rly ntg compared to u..

im rly rly rly tired of everything..

rite now..
im rly afraid..
im afraid im being annoying agn..
cuz everytime keep finding sailou..
den lik keep bothering him..
lik annoying him..
argh..
rly scare he will feel..
TT

i rly dunno wad to do in my life..
i rly hav communication prob..
v every1..

mental depression??
once agn im having suicidal thoughts..
y??!!

57th day of waiting

57th day of waiting..sun
2day bored..
morning woke up..
den go tuition..
for no reason..
our gang so coincidentally wore white shirts..

den mark rly made us laugh..
"AGE GAP"..

den bek home..
ntg much..
jux feeling frustrated..
wondering shud i transfer skul??
next year??
everything is forcing me to leave..
ntg is making me feel lik staying..

i noe..
even if i leave..
it brings no difference to others.
dey will still be very happy..
without me..

i rly hate it here..
bt now is too late..
i've rly regretted y din i go laz year..
y..
now everything is too late..
i muz stand all dese things for a whole year..
even if i wanna leave..
i bet no1 will even ask me to stay..

thinking of u jux make me feel worse..
y..
all sorts of WHYs r in my head..

一厢情愿的人最辛苦··
在朋友当中··
我一厢情愿以为你们会把我当最好的朋友··
在爱情当中··
我一厢情愿地爱你··
你却依然喜欢他··

我这人很失败··
我已经想尽办法··
讨人欢心··
希望你们会把我当一个知己··

但··
我错了··

我曾经以为我自己很厉害··
自以为是··
其实··
我连蚂蚁都不如··

庄鸣裕!!

你真的很失败!!

56th day of waiting

56th day of waiting..sat
2day is sailou's big day..
once agn..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY~!
happy 2 be da 1st..
den my day is as usual..
din attend wushu cuz too tired..
den jux woke up for organ class..
kinda happy dat teac kinda praise me..
bt nid more effort..
haiz..
noe jor exam date..
now make me more anxious..
25th of aug..
so faz..
2 more weeks..

den was still happy..
went for bio~
sleepy..
den bek..
den chat v sailou..
saw da 'unopened' box..

den went for dinner..
bek home..
receive a msg full of bad words..
cheer up~

den my nite end with a lil mahjong..
jux 45 min..
cuz wnted to call him..
bt too noisy..
once agn..
plan ruined..
fine..

!!now nid plan for 0812!!

2geda v u at genting was rly fun..
both of us alone in da room..
went McD alone..
rly luv it..

rly hope til sep come..
wher i can go kuantan..

if i can bring u along den it wud b perfect..
we could stroll along da beach at night..
holding hands..
looking at da stars..
hear da sound of da waves..
bt all of dis wud be jux a fantasy..
u wun like me anyway..
all i can do is jux imagine..

haiz..
dunno y..
everytime im happy..
sure gt thing make me down..
1stly..
i still mind dat wad C did on friday..
hello?
dis is nt wad im in charge of..
den i ask u wnna go out anot..
u showed us da 'wadeva' look..
den din care jor..
WTF?!!
fine!
if dat's wad da way u wan den fine..

den..
chat v A..
ask A delete sumthin..
cuz i dun wan B sad..
(since A dunno)
luckily B nt around..
den chat chat xia..
da tone of A changed..
lik very bu shuang..
den suddenly off..
den i saw A's status..
say wad bes fren for bes fren isnt da bes..
sumthin else is bes for HIM..
even A din mention who..
bt i think is me..
if is rly me..
i rly dunno wad to say now..
is my fault agn??
wad did i do wrong agn..
since then..
my mood is kind down..

den..
C came n find me..
chat a while..
den talked abt cake..
at 1st i feel dat..
maybe u din hate me or wad..
den chat chat xia..
u told me..
u r jealous when we celebrate other ppl bday..
n din celebrate urs..
bt is my fault agn??
dey told me u said u dun wan cake for ur bday present..
u wan shirt n wadeva..
so i said dat to u..
u told me u 4gt u said dat..
u think nobody cared abt ur bday??
we've planned many things..
bt it jux din work out..
plus..
ur attitude has caused alot of trouble..
now u're saying dat we dun k??
if u wan us to celebrate so much..
y did u said u dun wan a cake on the 1st place??
u said dat..
den how we celebrate without a cake?
ish!!
im rly tired of ur attitude..
yea..
age gap..
wadeva..
if dat's wad u think..
den go on~
up to u..

ARGH!!
i've rly regret for da choice i've made..
i shud hav transferred skul laz year..
im tired of everything here..
maybe i rly belong to chong hwa..
to my primary skul frenz..

i rly wanna leave..
2 a place wher dere's ppl who care..
i'm rly rly rly tired..
fed up of everything!!

54th, 55th day of waiting

54th day of waiting.. Thur
morning..
mom cooked french toast..
eat jor..
when bathing..
suddenly vomited..
ISH~!
nt agn..
den took my sword to school for da drama..
so is kinda big..
n hard to bring..

den bio did da mind map thing..
our group 4.5/5..
cuz lost 1 point..
den..
bt is da highest mark..
haha^^
actually is nt our group..
we din do preparation..
i jux sat dere n roughly read..
den go up n draw lo..
haha^^
lik dat oso can gt high marks..

den..
PJK..
bored..
at 1st say gt drama..
den ms. paul said dat no1 informed her..
so cannot..
den end up tidy class..
ish..
cannot go down during f3 recess..
cant find sailou jor..
ish~
da fan damn dirty..
make my face n clothes oso dirty jor..

den went down..
dunno do wad..
walk around..
waste time..

den bi ntg~
math oso ntg much~
den stay bek for BC..
teacher very funny..
bt dunno y..
i dun think im any worse..
y i gt lower marks den all of dem..

den bek home..
b4 bek..
go cake shop..
buy cake..
dad keep ask dis n dat..
dunno how answer..
all lie~
den tuition..
tired..
den bek home..
ntg jor..

wah~!
mui so faz gt bf jor wo..
suan lo..
gt jor..
1st thing oso din tell me..
TT
bt wish u gud luck ya~

55th day of waiting..Fri
all day with different kinds of feeling..
mixing together..
weird..
at 1st..
since morning..
very bz..
for da preparations for monday's assembly..
den..
told sailou to follow me go bilik pengawas de..
bt i couldn't nt leave dat time..
so i asked weii help me take for him..
from far i can c dey reaction..
kinda funny..
bt cant giv personally..
haiz..
anyway..
thx weii~

den jux continue bz..
walk here n dere..
den meeting here n dere..
whole day can say din go in class..
from start..
after meeting in canteen..
go find ms.paul..
den bek to b.pengawas..
den meeting..
omg..
rly cant hear wad teac say..
bt heard sumthin secret..
hehez..
shh~~
very funny..

den teac belanja makan..
ate sum~
den drank tea..
omg..
shudn't drink..
after drink..
str8 away feel lik vomiting..
manyak phlegm..
den go toilet..
vomit everything out..

den go find teac do things..
den bek in b.pengawas..
at da window..
saw sailou..
bt din call him..
cuz mrs. lee was dere..
dem jux stood dere..
bt he din c dou me at all@@

den go type things..
bored..
den bla bla bla..
go bek class..
dey told me dat Piggy wrote me ponteng class..
F! la..
contribute to da school still consider wrong??
ish!!
lazy to c u..

den..
ntg much..
jux my mood..
terrible..
hate it..

den bek jor..
receive dou sum thank you msg..
den prac my organ to release sum stress..

nap~
tuition..
den bek..
chat..
during dese chat..
mood came bek a lil..
a lil..

den 12 o'clock jor!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAILOU!!
keep calling u..
cuz wanna learn from weii..
sing song..
bt..
haiz..
u said u're sleeping..
my plan ruin jor..
@@

dailou/sailou necklace^^

bt hope dat da cake will taste nice..
n u will lik da necklace..
hope~

51st, 52nd & 53rd day of waiting

i've decided to continue waiting..
even though..

51st day of waiting..Mon
early in the morning..
2day im in charge..
so in my mind..
i thought i only nid to ikrar..
den teac in charge started everything..
den suddenly..
pn. pauline came n ask prefect to be in charge..
den..
is my turn..
den went dere..
omg..
very very nervous..
even my hands were shaking..
den sook fen stood bside me..
haiz..
rly gud experience..
bt rly afraid..
TT
im afraid d next turn..
den went to lab..
chemistry..
ntg much..
den add math..
teac din come..

den after recess..
sivik teac no come oso..

den bm..
teac oso no come!
den pn koay came in for relief..
den..
ask us wad we wanna hear..
den i choose pengurusan EQ..
den she asked questions..
every1 nid answer..
den..
she asked us to play a game..
kemahiran sosial de game..
every1 laugh till stomach ache..
rly rly funny..
from da starting..
dey act very gud..
den pass pass pass..
da middle de ppl change till weird jor..
end up da laz 1 totally different v da 1st 1..
dis shows ppl rly nid to communicate well..

den after skul..
practise for da drama..
at least better than laz time lo..

den bek jor..
around 4 sumthin..
very tired..
den tuition..
haiz..
tired tired..
den sj dat time..
gt so many ppl nvr concentrate..
y only ask me de..
den end up dunno how answer..
malu..
my fate!
everytime when i din focus on wad teac say..
sure dat teac will ask me..
since primary skul oso lik dat jor..
even gt ppl talk to me..
i din answer..
jux listen..
teac oso ask me up de..
ISH!!
everytime oso lik dat..
hate!!
den bek home..
ntg jor..

52nd day of waiting..Tue
ntg much in da morning..
den BC spelling thing..
luckily i memorize in da morning..
din read at nite..
den till sj..
rly cant bliv..
dat time very sleepy..
den teac ask us do nota..
den i made into column since i thought we r suppose to do dat..
den i saw dem..
all nt doing it dis way..
den i thought..
sei lo!!
den suan..
continue do..
in my mind..
teac will scold..
den teac came near..
suddenly..
Chong Meng Joe??
(teac nt sure my name..)
(den c my name tag say)
den..@@
she say..
"ur work very neat oo"
i was lik..
OMG??
den she took my book..
showed loohong dem..
dunno say wad wad wad..
keep 'praising' me..
den i dunno how answer..
kept laughing..
den she dunno y ask shirui out to explain..
den bla bla bla..
after tanah arab..
is china n india..
teac asked me to explain..
den hor..
when teac ask..
all answer let vijaya snatch to say jor..
hello?
teac asking me lo..@@
den teac say me..
do so neat bt dunno how answer..==
ish..
bt very cant bliv teac..
cham lo!!
she noe me jor..

den recess..
after recess..
drama..
im still very weak in acting..
nt so dare yet..
ish!!

den physics..
dis 1 rly terrible!!
teac..
ask us do experiment..
den ask us do report..
wan pass up dat day!!
left nt much time..
den u keep rush lik hell..
we haven finiz copying..
u keep rush rush rush..
dun let us c..
how on earth r we gonna copy..
den use brain la!
u click to a page..
wher ntg to be copied..
den sum1 go press..
den u come bek scold scold scold..
dun let us go bek..
F la!!
say wad wad wad nonsense..
den end up..
1.20++ only let us go..
den my dad gt plan jor..
cancel bcuz wait for me..
ish..
den tuition for addmath..
in my mind..
i still hav frustration..

i rly dunno how..
when i noe u r sick..
i feel..
weird..
bt i cant do much..
he's doing a better job than me..
i'm a loser..

53rd day of waiting..Wed
2day..
ntg much..
intend to find pengetua..
den dat OL..
rly make ppl angry de..
ask us y wan find..
den we changed our mind..
i said nvm..
THANK YOU!
den u go n say us no manners..
lagi is prefect!
WTH!!
u self deaf go n say other ppl..
go c doc la!!

den go bek..
no class 2day..
many teac din come..

den ntg much..
in bio lab..
sy n i 'chatted' through passing note..
once agn..
u rejected me..
by dat time..
i rly wanna act lik ntg happened.
bt..
my eyes..
my tears..
so i jux act lik wanna sleep..
bt all im doing is controlling myself..

den teac say wan pass up da bio book..
den jux tear out dat piece of paper..
lazy erase..

i rly cant do it..
i walked away..
alone..
thinking of wad to do..
wad to feel..
den i saw sailou..
gav him da paper..
den..
went bek home..
da distance from da gate to da car..
seems weirdly far..
i saw sailou at da bus-stop..
bt he has his frenz..
so decided not to interrupt..
den jux go on..
dat time i was rly sad..
bt when i saw my dad..
i hav to fake a smile..
den my day jux end lik dat..
i wasted my whole day..
din do any hw..
jux..
waste my time..

rite now dis moment..
im confused..
im sad..
i jux hope i can gt over it..
pls..

i rly luv u..

50th day of waiting

50th day of waiting..Sun
@The End

2day..
woke up on 10..
den on9..
ntg much..
until 2 oclock..
went tuition..
i was alone..
cuz dey all went for add math class..
den i sat at a corner..
den sifu ask me go join dem..
i rejected..
den jux sit dere..
den i was rly touched..
he came n sat bside me..
den his fren all follow him..
i was rly touched..
n i felt guilty..
cuz of me..
dey hav to move here..
den i was nt alone anymore..
den mark saw wad i wrote..
since he gav a task..
den he say my penyampaian nt gud..
dunno how change a!!@@

den after dat w8 dem finiz..
den went sy hse..
discuss bout moral..
den in my mind..
ive thought of 'sumthin'..
bt jealousy is still in my heart..
u noe i love her..
bt y do u still hav to stick to her so close??
u oredi hav urs..
den y..
im rly confused..
den finiz discuss..
went for dinner..
den bek home..
intended to go airport fetch mom..
bt..
gt things to do..
so din go..
den jux type lo..

suddenly think dou pengawas de wan take pic..
so crazily i went n change my shirt..
go take pic..
lik crazy ppl..

den continue type..
while typing..
i called u..
i wanted to say..
bt u say u on9 jor..
so i said through on9..
as expected..
da answer is still da same..
u've once agn rejected me..
den my tears..
once agn drop at da edge of my eye..
dey were lik acid..
making my eyes hurt..
den i forced myself to stop..
cuz i nid to ask u question abt da moral..
so i called u..
i tried to calm my voice..
bt still gt some words i cant speak..
crying has made my voice bad..
bt i managed to finiz asking u question..
acting as if ntg happened..
after da call..
i cried once agn..
dis time longer..
den i found my sailou..
at 1st..
he still gt mood de..
den suddenly he no mood jor..
den suddenly his mood became normal..
i oso dunno wan how comfort him..
self oso cant help..
sry ya..
intend to bring u gud news..
bt..
all i gt is bad news..
nvr gud..
bt rly thx..
cuz u rly made me happier..
n u've tortured ur eyes..
jux to acc. me..
rly..
THX..

isit the end??
or will it be da 51st day of waiting??
i rly dunno..
i dun wanna noe..
can i jux 4gt everything??
ate a pill..
den i gt amnesia..
4gting everything..
jux noe da life basis..
dat's enuf..

i wanna live a new life..
can GOD jux giv me 1 more try..
to live my life from da beginning..
from 7-6-1994??