155th day of waiting

155th day of waiting..Sun
woke up..
prepare for tuition...
den sit v sifu..
rly whole day din talk to them..
bt dey din even bother abt my presence..

den bek home..

den nite eat at aman puri..
so many ppl..
w8ed for 1 hour++
den weirdly..
saw dat family agn..
every sunday go out eat oso so lucky can c dem de..
fate??
even go diff place oso can c dou..
@@

nite..
jux play ps2..
quite satisfy with it..

bt..
i still feel moody..
dere's a lot of things im feeling..

i dun think im gud in socializing..
i dunno hw to say dis..
maybe is nt dat my frenz fault..
everything is with me!!!
im da 1 is always da problem!!
even in primary skul..
i feel dat my fren treat me kinda badly..
i was excited dat maybe i can come to a new place..
dun hav to stand dat..
bt now..
i think my thought is all wrong..
dey r nt da prob..
i m da 1..
now even in new skul..
i still feel so..
y??
is nt cuz of dey treat me bad..
is nt cuz of dey dun appreciate me..
all is me!!
im da main cause of it..
my attitude..
my everything..
perhaps..
dis is me..
i jux cant change it..
maybe im too stubborn..

ppl keep saying ketua pengawas..
bt..
i noe it myself..
i jux cant do it..
i dun hav da power..
i dun hav everything..
i noe maybe sum of u oso feel dat..
i jux dun worth it..

perhaps..
im born to live alone..
im nt a society person..
i dun feel lik living anymore..
i rly hope..
dis will be da laz chance i can breathe..

i dun wanna live anymore!!!

154th day of waiting

154th day of waiting..Sat
morning woke up..
still feel a lil full..
muz be dat pig..
laz nite indeed was quite nice..
bt when i saw da couples..
i feel envy..
haiz..
den dey played love story once..
rly bring me bek da memories..
den sms v sailou..
since very bored dere..
bt many ppl..
103 tables..
da way dey serve rly funny..
very fast..

den dis morning..
jux go wushu..
bcum naib pengerusi..
no feel cuz i dun wan so fan abt these stuffs jor..

den jux practise..

den bek home..
prepare..
den go bio..
feel kinda tired..
i din speak much to them though..
even though he talked to me 1st..
i replied wad he said den no talk jor..
dun feel lik talking so much..

den bek home..
chat a while..
den went jogging..
dis time..
ran more..
more tired..
more sweat..
bt all i noe is..
i felt better..

at nite..
mom n dad went for dinner..
so i jux on9 at home..
whole nite sms v chingee..

den keep msg full..
i rly dunno hw..
my msg full..
mostly oso abt ur msgs..
i rly dun feel lik deleting it..
it rly brings me a lot of memories..
bt..
ARGH~!

den sailou on9..
chat..
bt..
guess dat im nt da person u can talk to anyway..
bt rly hope u can cheer up..


suddenly i feel so lonely here..
even those who k..
or i tot dey k..
dun even bother abt me anymore..
guess i rly dun belong here..
will any1 wonder if dey dun c me anymore??
guess not...

...

hopeless

...

u're such a failure..

153rd day of waiting

153rd day of waiting..Fri
morning went to skul..
sook fen dem play cards..
den help sook fen..
she damn lucky..
bt hor skill nt so gud only..
haha~!

den perhimpunan..
ei~
zd..
y c dou sailou de..
tot he nt coming..

den went to bilik sj..
teac said sumthin..
makes me feel alil sad..
suddenly feel lik she very gud..
laz day jor only change till lik dat..
omg~

den took our result..
(so faz man 1st time lo!)

oh shit!!
65==
gt improvement..
bt compare v dem..
i very weak..
cuz all of dem oso 80++
me??
65..
fine..
while walking v u guys..
u guys kept saying dis n dat..
i only gt 65..
fine..
even though im nt happy abt it..
jux keep it in my heart..

den..
went bek class..
tot of havin fun..
den teac ask us do things..
den finally went bek class..
feel lik having fun to 4gt bout sj..
bt..
dis is when a worse thing happened..

dey playin cards..
sook fen ask me w8..
den go find pn lee..
den w8 for her..
w8 jor..
she come n tell me..
abt monday de thing..
wan me go find pn lee..
den she continued playing cards..
WTF??!!
den my so called frenz?
none of dem even offered to acc me..
fine..
nvm..
go do it!

den find jor pn lee..
ask jor..
she nids help..
ask me find sum f3 de to help her..
bt i vounteered..
cuz i dun wanna go bek class..
den do do do~
go find many teac..
ask dem to check da paper for confirmation..
den sum teac rly..
"u help me check la!"
WTF??
dis is ur thing la!
hw on earth do i noe dis is rite or wrong??
u may rite wrong on da original copy oso!
think la dui!!

whole day walk up n down..
finding teac..
legs damn tired..
im so freakin' F*ed up!!!!!

den saw chingee..
haiz..
so shy..
see dou me stil wan walk away sneakily..
suan le..
so jux say hi 1st~
XP

den ntg much..
asked f3 to help complete..
den..
go bek class..
even bek jor..
felt my presence is nt important..
no1 cared..
suan le..
i 'sleep'!!
lay down dere..
as if im very tired..
bt all i jux wanna do is to ignore the world..
im nt rly 'sleeping'..

den waihong came n find me..
dunno hw to do==
den suan le..
go bek down help him..
den finally finiz jor~

go dewan..
sit v f3..
play cards with dem..
1st round den win jor..
woohoo~
den 2nd round..
let teac stop jor..
cuz cannot play poker..
sh!t..
teac noticed i from form 4 jor..
ask me go bek..
bt i plead teac haha..
so end up stay dere..
den jiasheng still gav me sum snacks..
wahahaha..
den still gt around 10 min..
went bek class..
take my bag..
once agn..
no1 cared..
fine..
go bek down to dewan v my bag..
take pics..
den teac announce 2day laz day jor..
haiz..

feeling lik being v f3 better..
even though sumtimes topic cant chat..
bt at least sum care abt my presence..
bt hor..
kinda sad lo..
sailou din choi me!!!
sit at dewan dere so long..
oso no choi me..
TT
seizai!
ask u take pic den keep say dun wan..
TT
bt anyway..
happy holiday~!
wahahaha
rmb dat promise a!!

den bek home..
on9..
den sleep..
later still gonna go for sum1's wedding dinner..
haiz..
forced to..
TT
hope da food is nt disappointing..

150th, 151st, 152nd day of waiting..

150th day of waiting..Tue
morning go to skul..
whole day din go in class..
stay at bilik pengawas..
after perhimpunan den meeting..
den keep stay dere..
den heard physics teac gonna teach f5 things..
den dun wan go jor..
go help f3~
bt actually go play la..

ntg much..
sum parents rly..
@@
den ntg much..

bek home den nap..
den ntg much..
heard ppl say my physics 88..
highest..
same v peiyen..
bt nt sure oso..

tuition..
6-9..
feeling lik is monday~
bt feel better..

den bek home..

once agn..
i asked for a chance..
bt..
once agn..
failed..
i rly dun understand..
y!!

i rly cant 4gt abt u!!
everything reminds me of u!!
da moments we've been thru!!
da dance between me n u!!
argh!!!
i cant stop myself..

cried whole nite..
feeling my heart very sour..

151st day of waiting..Wed
go to skul..
no mood..
den perhimpunan oso gt a lil mistake..
haiz..
den go bek class..
play cards whole day..
gt bio paper jor..
feeling kinda sad..
cuz weak jor..
argh!!

bek home..
no nap..
den went jogging around da garden..
quite satisfied~
den bek jor..
kept sweating..
omg..
1st time sweat so furiously..
since months ago..
very satisfy~
indeeed very 'sexy'..
finally und wad sailou meant jor..

haiz..
tired..
even when i playing game..
oso nearly slept..
bt..
when i wan go bed..
sumthin was in my mind..
i cant sleep..
even im very tired..

我在你们心中到底有什么地位？？
好朋友？？
好兄弟？？
可是当我有事时··
那又有哪位好朋友会主动来找我？？
来问候我？？
当你们有事时··
又有谁会想到找我诉苦？？
你们有事时··
会想到我吗？？
往往都是最后才知道发生什么事··

有谁真的会真正关心我？？
来找我时··
都只是要跟我借东西··
那我不开心时··
你有理过吗？？

我就只是个过客··
也许太过自以为是了··
还以为你们会把我放在你们心里的第一··
就算没第一也会想到我··
可是··
我在你们心中只是个路过的蚂蚁··
每人看见··

152nd day of waiting..Thur
1st time wax my hair n go to skul..
cant do much since not much time..
jux simply..
bt nt much difference oso..
bt weird~

den whole day jux play cards..
n do sum pengawas things..
den play cards whole day la..
haiz..
still dun hav da mood..

147th, 148th, 149th day of waiting

147th day of waiting..Sat
morning woke up..
headache..
no go wushu..
den go for organ lesson later~
hehe..
quite successful..
cuz managed to play many songs..
den..
go for bio lesson..
den haiz..
headache saje..
bek home dat time..
ish..
dey still late..
haiz..
den go hav dinner..

den nite mahjong..
kinda hav no luck~
maybe dat seat rly nt lucky de..
haha^^
bro sit dere oso no luck..

148th day of waiting..Sun
morning woke up late..
den headache..
so no go tuition..

den stay at home whole day..
on9..
study~

nite..
cant sleep..
keep thinking bout her..
da moments we danced..
rly feel..
once in a lifetime opportunity..
who will gt da chance to dance v da girl u luv often?
i rly rly miss da moments..

149th day of waiting..Mon
went to skul..
morning perhimpunan dun wan go up stage..
cuz gt a lil headache..
jux stay down dere..
den many dye jor hair de ppl kena tangkap..
luckily sailou din kena..
c!
listen to me wun wrong de!

den jux w8 for SPBT de things..
gt alicia's book @@

den after recess..
exam..
sivik..
omg..
crazy de..
nt too easy den too hard==

den pjk~
omg!
1st 5 questions out b4==
luckily gt read..
den still gt 2 Q repeat de..
bt many i dunno de~
keep 4gt..

den finally end!!
woohoo~~

bek home..

gt sum news..
sum1 mcm very happy when gt my books==
zd~~

den zhao hong cr8ed a group..
for 6K'2006 de..
damn nice!
cuz every1 oso seldom chat..
bt 2day rly chat dou..
keep chattin~
haha!
den ming xiang..
i rly dunno is she until 2day..
haha..
da funny thing is she oso dunno is me^^
say add me cuz c dou lengzai..
XD
rly rly zd..
bt da prob is da pic dun look lik me oso @@
haha..
damn happy chattin v dem~

den i try to on my PS2..
play yugioh~
omg!!
rly on dou..
even though many tries..

bt end up oso success..
play play play..
long time no play jor..
bt da tv nt nice..
so damn red..
bt at least can play..
from 4 sumthin play till 12.30++
woohoo~~

2day damn happy~
1st..
EXAM FINALLY OVER!!

2nd..
on dou PS2 jor..
played many long time no play de game!!
muahaha

3rd..
chat bek v primary skul frenz..
damn happy^^

Last~
sailou finally make his promise~
wahaha..
finally c dou dat pic jor..
dunno w8ed how long~
bt at last c dou jor..
muahahaha~!

damn happy la 2day ^^

146th day of waiting

146th day of waiting..Fri
woke up..
kinda tired..
den w8 for lunch..
on9 on9 on9..
chat v chingee..
kinda funny xia.
keep saying me cute..
@@
den i act childish~

den afternoon go grandma hse..
hav haircut..
omg..
dis time damn short..
den used a lil wax..
nt sure hw use..
simply..
XD

den hav dinner..
sms sailou..
no reply me!
urgh!!

den jux went bek home..
let mom saw da dancing vid..
a lot of comments~
XP
den bek home..

2nd msg..
STILL NO REPLY!
ish~~

rite now..
i rly dunno hw..
i dunno wad im thinking..
yes..
i still hav da hatred feeling..
bt..
when i saw her pic..
i rly feel!!
..ARGH..
cant resist luving her..

i rly dunno whether i still lik her anot..
i dunno i still hav feelings for her anot..
i cant stop myself from thinking..

rly feeling lik finding sum1 to talk with..
bt..
i cant..
dere's no1 i can talk with..
i rly wanna find sum1..
bt when i nid it..
only i knew no1 is dere for me when i needed..
jux be alone here..

~headache~
think gonna fall ill soon..

145th day of waiting

145th day of waiting..Thur
2day woke up..
ntg much..
den on9..
chat v sailou a lil..
haiz sore throat jor..
take k la!!
drink water ma..
still wan eat chocolate jam!!
no die b4 ke??
ish!
take k la..
adui..

den he off9..
dad bought lunch..
omg..
RM30++
y??
cuz he tot is crabmeat fried noodles..
bt when i open it..
da whole crab is dere!
omg..
den had crab for lunch..

SH!T..
dunno y stomach ache..
i no eat chili wo..
rly SH!T dis time..

den go tuition..
wher my frustration starts..
went in..
saw chen hsien sit jor dat place..
no more place for me..
fine..
go behind..
i tahan!!
smiled!!
even though i dun lik it..
bt i smiled!!
dun wan think so much..
sit behind..
bt did u guys bother??
no!
fine..
sit dere..
press phone..
acc lik gt things do..
bt in my heart..
i hide my frustrations..

den siuhou came..
he did nt sit da place reserved for him..
in fact..
he sat beside me..
kinda touched..
den suddenly sum1 said sumthin dat make me very angry..
"y u dun sit at da seat de?"
SH!T la..
self dun wan acc me..
now he come acc me..
cannot a??
F away la!!
damn u!

den jux finiz tuition in frustration.
din bother them at all..
dun even wanna c dem!

den bek home..
ntg much..
even i saw her on9..
i dun feel lik finding anymore..
@@

i hav a lot of things wanna share v u guys..
bt dese 2 days rly prove to me a lot..
so i'll jux keep it to myself..
2 u guys..
im NTG!

i dun belong here..
i hate being alone..
bt no choice..
i hav to..
all i hope now is to graduate from here..
or die ASAP!!
ARGH!!
dun wan to see things lik dis anymore!!