Dream of u..

can't bliv..
time flies so faz..
all on a sudden..
we did not talk for like more than a week..
A WEEK!!
i rly miss da times..
now.. when i look at u..
is like im looking at a stranger..
i hate dat feeling..
saturday..
i dreamt of u..
two times!!
i rmb i woke up with a smile..
y??
because..
i dreamt dat u forgive me..
i woke up with a smile..
and i notice it was jux a dream..
so my smile faded in seconds..
it was jux a dream..
how i wish is true..
cant stop thinkin back da memories..
den during da afternoon..
i nap again..
i dreamt of u again..
dis time is totally different..
dis time u din forgive me..
instead..
u walked away..
away from me..
nearly cried..
..It was jux a dream..
i told myself..
bt..
i m wondering..
which part of my dream is coming true..
da happy 1 or da sad 1??

now..
im nt so sure who still rly hate me like hell..
now i only noe..

carmen..
din hate dat much already..
since she still talks to me like old days..

n for mh..
i can feel dat..
she doesnt trust me much anymore..
i feel a lil tinzie winzie of hatred in her..
maybe nid some time..
bt still thx fer acc.ing me when i was sad..

n for jy..
at least i still can chat v him..
even though nt in real life..
bt at least he reply my msg in msn..
so it was kinda happy..
bt..
still gt 1 more..

cy..
haven talk v u for weeks..
now..
even in msn..
u r like nt bothering me..
u said u r bz..
r u??
maybe u r..
or u jux dun wan to chat v me..

now i keep listening to a song..
a song which i din hear for months..
"I WILL BE"-avril lavigne/leona lewis
da lyrics r rly meaningful..
same as da condition..
i wan to tell u everything with da lyrics..

"There's nothing i could say to you..
Nothing i could ever do..
to make you see, wad u mean to me..
all the pain, the tears i cried..
still u nvr said gudbye..
and now i noe.. how far you go..
i know i let u down..
bt is nt like dat now..
cuz i will nvr let u go..
i will be..
all that you want..
n get myself together.."
"you're da 1 thing i got rite..
da only 1 i let inside"
"if i let u down, turn it all around..
cuz i will nvr let u go.."
"cuz without u, i cant sleep..
im nt gonna ever let u leave..
u're all i gt.. u're all i wan..
n vout u, i dunno wad i do..
i will nvr ever live a day without u..
here.. with me..
do u see..
u're all i need.."

it means a lot..
bt it doesnt mean it da 'love' way..
i jux mean it da friendship way..
bt it rly do mean a lot..
i rly wan to talk to all of u..
like a fren..
like laz time..
i promised i talk to 'u'..
bt when i c u..
i dun dare..
u r like hating me..
i dunno...
bt when today annie called me..
i notice dat u r looking at me..
or r u??
i dunno..
maybe is da wrong vision for me..
i jux wan to be frenz v u guys..

now..
im da penolong ketua pengawas..
even though is for temporary..
i noe i won do it..
bt i will do my bez..
i noe sure gt a lot of ppl hate me of beign dis position..
cuz in deir eyes..
i don deserve it..
i thought so myself..
bt i will do my bez..
until dey start to change my position again..
if u guys rly gt any dislike or wadeva..
u can come find me..
i will listen..
bt probably no1 will listen..
since even when i call ppl to go duty..
they tell me WHO ARE YOU??
dat makes me mad..
i rly wanna scold bt i choose to speak nicely..

fine~

i rly wan 2 befriend v u guys..
all of u..
i dislike da feeling of being hate..
pls..
forgive me..
i desperately beg..
i'll do my bez to save dis relationship..
i'll try..

It Has Been A While..

it has been a while..
i dunno how..
ntg is better..
everything is the same..
how could dis happen..
we didn't talk for like..
A WEEK!!
omg..
y...
is da problem dat big??
y cant we like jux forget it??
or maybe..
u guys nvr wan me to be v u guys anymore..

friday le..
hari koko..
wad a relief..
dat i finally dun hav to bother about da wushu performance anymore..
it was an ok performance..
even though i din c my move..
bt at least ren ze's gt every1's applause..

bt..
wad can i still do..
i rly wan dem to my fren again..
y..
5 days oredi..
i saw u..
even though we walk past each other..
face to face..
i was looking at you..
bt u..
jux walk away..
din even bother to c me..
every1 is like dat..
both of u..
da same..
i jux wanna be frens again v u guys..
bt..
im jux afraid to go talk to u guys..

Thursday..
b4 going to da science lab..
i saw u..
standing alone at the corridor..
alone..

i was thinking..

"dis is my chance"

"go up n talk to u"

n den another part of me jux said..

"wad if he still hate u??"

"wad if he dun wan u to go bother him??"

omg..
struggle between CONFLICTS...
so..
sy n xh asked me to go lo..
since dey wan acc. me..
bt i used yj as an excuse..
i asked yj to go..
den while w8ing..
i dunno whether shud i go anot..
den i was standing at da door..
a few foots behind him..
nt far away..
dere u r..
alone..
standing dere..
dunno thinkin about wad..
here in my eyes..

bt i din noe wad to do..
until i saw jy..
standing at da stairs..
so..
i thought..
he might go dere..
den for sure he don need me..
so i ended up going to da lab..
bt for quite a while i din c u..
so i went bek to da class..
hoping to c u alone..
however..
i saw u at da stairs..
so i end up acting i hav stuff to do..
so coincidence annie din bring my science exercise..
so i went back to da class n take it..
why..
why cant the GOD jux giv me a chance..
all i wan is a chance to go talk v him..
n b 2geda lik laz time v him..

dat morning oso..
kailin announce da penolong for ketua's..
bt i was very very shocked..
when i was called da penolong ketua pengawas..
bt i noe is for temporary..
im sure some1 will be better bt i will do my bez..
dere r pros & cons..
sure gt ppl hate me..
bcuz of dis..
how can i please every1..
isit dat hard??
will u hate me bcuz of dis??
pls dont..

2day..
after da hari koko..
i did nt go home..
y??
nt dat i dun wan to go..
i wan to w8 for u 2 go..
so dat i can gt da chance to talk to u..
w8ed for hours..
i stil cant w8 for u to go..
until 11 sumthin..
u finally go home..
i was behind u..
following u..
bt u did nt go home str8 away..
u sat at da bus stop..
so i cont. my journey..
walking home..
walk walk walk..
walk back da paths we've been through together b4..
thinking back da times..
dose happy memories..
thinkin about many things..
until i finally went back home..
i went to da playground n listen to songs..
while swinging..
so..
i rly dunno how..
i wish we can be frens together..
like laz time..
frens..
can we??

对不起···

这一切都是我自己造成的···
可是这也证明了很多东西···
也许我们友情会这样就结束···

现在···
我也不知道该开心还是伤心···
有悲有怒···
开心···
不想让朋友担心···
可是很难笑···
连笑也是勉强回来的···
伤心···
为什么···
又发现了两个人不爽我了···

佳雯···
我承认我的确有错···
你每次关心我时···
我都刚好很气···
所以会在你身上发了些脾气···
所以···
一定要跟你道歉···
对不起哟···
虽然你不会看到这的···
可是我也还是在这道歉···

而明慧呢···
我也不知道为什么···
是不是受他影响···
可是我的确有错啦···

今天···
上着课时···
Pn. Rosnah进来···
说Geografi project要今天交···
突然想到···
惨了！！
我上次帮志荣交···
可是老师没看到···
如果不见了···
更惨了···
如果没有就多一个问题了···
他会更恨我了···
就等到放学···
去老师位置···
老师要应酬别人···
所以等了一下···
然后看到后面有一叠fail···
就看···
结果···
真的有了···
轻松多了···
然后我心想···
为什么我还要去理他们的东西···
家人告诉我···
如果他们不把我当朋友···
不用理他们···
可是怎样不理呢？？
毕竟曾经是“好朋友”···

今天下课时真的很辛苦···
感觉要呕···
为什么不吃不喝都会要呕···
虽然辛苦···
可是我真的不想喝水···
就当惩罚自己···
伤害了这么多人···
可是我不能了···
心里很火···
就把水壶里四分之三的水喝完···
和也辛苦···
这几天也没有胃口吃东西了···
也瘦了···
不知该开心还是不···

回到班···
很辛苦···
很想呕···
可是由于没吃东西···
所以是没有东西呕的···
就趁老师没看见时···
跑去厕所···
回到来···
看见你···
毫不在乎的表情···
证明了···
你真的不爽了···
我们很难会再好回了···
看你跟业城他们就懂了···
已经一个月了···
都还没好···
更何况是我们···
1-刚开始
2-我的确做错了

真的很乱···
我知道我的一举一动你们都不爽···

俊业···
也许之前真的伤了你···
你说我理你是为了他···
那星期五你有理我吗？？
我在那边···
你的确有过来···
可是不知是为了谁？？
志荣还是我···
你一来就弄我腰···
算了···
结果你就拿志荣书包说要看···
说着说着两个就离开了···
留着我一个···
傻傻在那看柱子···
你又有理我吗？？

可是我不否认我有做错事···
也许我也不小心中伤你···
是我错···
对不起···

你也说得对···
我的确是双面人···
在学校明明不爽···
可是回到家总要演开心···
可是我这次已不行了···

你们那班只欠annie···
可是这是不久的事···
不久可能又会的···

据我妈妈说的···
我不能令一个人不要不爽我···
更何况是四个人···
加上···
有很多感情就像我们现在的情形一样···
经不起考验···
那我们呢？？
真的经不起这次的考验？？
就这样结束了？？

我选择了逃避···
可是···
真的不舍得···
不舍得这所学校···
不舍得朋友···
不舍得与你们曾经开心的日子···
可是不舍得也没用···
转校了可能你们会更好···
更开心···

期待···
希望会更好···

世上还有
知错能改吗？

不再出现在你们的“朋友列表里”

真的在这里没有目的留下了···
我可以预料明天我在学校的生活···
能怪谁？？
自己拿来的···
我发现我所做的什么都错···
知错能改···
有用吗···
一切都太迟了···

看着你们脸上灿烂的笑容···
证明了你们真的不需要我了···
可是怎样离开都要等四个月···
就一起祈祷一切手续顺利···
离开了大家开心···

无“家”可归的人 上

明天会更好吗？？

为什么这样辛苦···
要想这样多···
家人全部都说不要理他们···
社会是这样的···
不用去理他们···
不要为了一点事转校···
不要想这样多···
辛苦是我自己···
的确···
辛苦的是我一个···
看来他们玩得该很开心吧···
尤其是他···

我一开···
明明是on9的···
就突然换away了···
也蛮快下的···
是纯粹巧合还是···
你要避开我···
算了···
也许你也和他们一起不爽我了···
活该···
自己拿来的···
为什么真相总不能在事情发生前知道···
偏偏要等到事情发生了···
才会知道···
可是我要澄清下···
我delete了我之前的部落格···
是希望可以重新开始···
可是看来也没用···
我没有怕你看到什么···
难道我要怕你看到我向你道歉吗？？
如果不信我也无法解释了···
因为这是事实···

到底我做错了什么···
你只是告诉我就够了···
我尝试改变···
如果不原谅···
我也没有办法了···

也许这是命中注定···
可能转校会更好···
可能···

真的搞不清楚···

我真的不懂怎样···
又是你们要回以前的我···
我也尽量改了···
把所有不开心的都删除掉···
忘掉一切···
你又不爽···
告诉我你要什么···
我死了你才开心吗？？
你要什么···
你说吧···
做到我就做···



Ingredients i need to be happy:
2 forgiveness..

This will be the start of something new~

ok..
wadeva ur choice is..
i will try to be happy..
be da MJ i was..
if I still rmb how..
which i dun rly noe..
even nt happy..
i wont show it..
maybe i cant do it..
at least i'll try..
jux hope..
everything will be back to normal..
wher ntg happens at all..
hope ya all happy^^
hav fun on ur plans anywayz~~

12-7 @ jusco

went jusco v kw, cy, xh n sy
pics：

smile so nice... sure very happy to be with him..

happy too~

xh 'driving'..

cy 'driving'~

cockroach in KFC.. sue them!!

Still gt 1 more pic.. limited edition.. only i have!!
muahaha!!
nobody can c though..
bt still happy..

4-7 - 8-7 @ many things happen..

it has been a while since i upload my blog..
here's da recall..

4-7:
woohoo~
went to chee yong's hse to bake a cake for carmen..
when mh n i arrived..
we were shocked when we saw da abnormally huge angry dog..
black n fierce..
keep barking..
when mh saw..
she jux ran n scream..
haha.. funny..
n den i dunno wad my dad is doin..
weird..

cy n mh preparing..

cy beating eggs

mh making batter

done~ ready to be baked~

baking in oven

Meanwhile, let's see some pic of cy's cute lil doggy..
roff~




DING~
finish baked~
da prob is..
is burn~
da top n bottom..
maybe is da oven temperature too hot..
Process of making da cake look better:

DONE!!

After baking..
we went to pasar malam nearby..
omg.. long time no go dy..
it has been years since my laz night market..
so happy to c dose food which i hav nt ate for years..
bought many bek home..
my bro was damn crazy~~
keep eating..
wahaha!!

BDW, dey 'played' v my hair..
waxy~~

5-7:
1st day of karangan class..
omg.. many tuitions already..
after intensive, den go xh hse..
for 'studying'
study~~
den until a while..
we all tried to nap..
bt cant.. bt we managed to rest our eyes..
ntg much special..

6-7:
2 ppl's birthday..
lian tat n my aunt~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
1st day of exam..
haven rly study well..
afraid..

ntg much happen on 7-7..
nt wad ive rmb..

8-7:
Carmen's birthday finally arrive..
we stayed bek..
to CELEBRATE~
da cake..
omg..
still can b eaten..
still so nice..
nt wad i've expected..
nice~
unfortunately i dun hav da pics.. i will steal some..
next time..
muahaha..
went kfc..
very funny..
mh said to da vege..
"虽然你看起来很脆···可是我是不会接受你的"
omg..
laugh till me fall..