Dream of u..

can't bliv..
time flies so faz..
all on a sudden..
we did not talk for like more than a week..
A WEEK!!
i rly miss da times..
now.. when i look at u..
is like im looking at a stranger..
i hate dat feeling..
saturday..
i dreamt of u..
two times!!
i rmb i woke up with a smile..
y??
because..
i dreamt dat u forgive me..
i woke up with a smile..
and i notice it was jux a dream..
so my smile faded in seconds..
it was jux a dream..
how i wish is true..
cant stop thinkin back da memories..
den during da afternoon..
i nap again..
i dreamt of u again..
dis time is totally different..
dis time u din forgive me..
instead..
u walked away..
away from me..
nearly cried..
..It was jux a dream..
i told myself..
bt..
i m wondering..
which part of my dream is coming true..
da happy 1 or da sad 1??

now..
im nt so sure who still rly hate me like hell..
now i only noe..

carmen..
din hate dat much already..
since she still talks to me like old days..

n for mh..
i can feel dat..
she doesnt trust me much anymore..
i feel a lil tinzie winzie of hatred in her..
maybe nid some time..
bt still thx fer acc.ing me when i was sad..

n for jy..
at least i still can chat v him..
even though nt in real life..
bt at least he reply my msg in msn..
so it was kinda happy..
bt..
still gt 1 more..

cy..
haven talk v u for weeks..
now..
even in msn..
u r like nt bothering me..
u said u r bz..
r u??
maybe u r..
or u jux dun wan to chat v me..

now i keep listening to a song..
a song which i din hear for months..
"I WILL BE"-avril lavigne/leona lewis
da lyrics r rly meaningful..
same as da condition..
i wan to tell u everything with da lyrics..

"There's nothing i could say to you..
Nothing i could ever do..
to make you see, wad u mean to me..
all the pain, the tears i cried..
still u nvr said gudbye..
and now i noe.. how far you go..
i know i let u down..
bt is nt like dat now..
cuz i will nvr let u go..
i will be..
all that you want..
n get myself together.."
"you're da 1 thing i got rite..
da only 1 i let inside"
"if i let u down, turn it all around..
cuz i will nvr let u go.."
"cuz without u, i cant sleep..
im nt gonna ever let u leave..
u're all i gt.. u're all i wan..
n vout u, i dunno wad i do..
i will nvr ever live a day without u..
here.. with me..
do u see..
u're all i need.."

it means a lot..
bt it doesnt mean it da 'love' way..
i jux mean it da friendship way..
bt it rly do mean a lot..
i rly wan to talk to all of u..
like a fren..
like laz time..
i promised i talk to 'u'..
bt when i c u..
i dun dare..
u r like hating me..
i dunno...
bt when today annie called me..
i notice dat u r looking at me..
or r u??
i dunno..
maybe is da wrong vision for me..
i jux wan to be frenz v u guys..

now..
im da penolong ketua pengawas..
even though is for temporary..
i noe i won do it..
bt i will do my bez..
i noe sure gt a lot of ppl hate me of beign dis position..
cuz in deir eyes..
i don deserve it..
i thought so myself..
bt i will do my bez..
until dey start to change my position again..
if u guys rly gt any dislike or wadeva..
u can come find me..
i will listen..
bt probably no1 will listen..
since even when i call ppl to go duty..
they tell me WHO ARE YOU??
dat makes me mad..
i rly wanna scold bt i choose to speak nicely..

fine~

i rly wan 2 befriend v u guys..
all of u..
i dislike da feeling of being hate..
pls..
forgive me..
i desperately beg..
i'll do my bez to save dis relationship..
i'll try..