11/2 - 22/2

a~~~~~~~
wad a relief!
well...
gt over with a lot of stuff~~
a lot calmer..
well..
since i dun rly rmb so much of wad had happened..
i'll just jot down dose days dat is more interesting..

Feb 11:
a funny thing..
I jux dreamed of sum1..
n dat person which i did nt contact for months..
jux found me n chatted..
dis is d 2nd dy @@!

I'm psychic???!!
bt 2day it went well..
well..
at least..
it cheered me up~
n feel appreciated XDD

Feb 12:
gt a bad news..
Whitney Houston jux passed away..
sad news..
RIP..

Feb 13:
morning go learn driving for d last time..
n missed grammy awards...
luckily night gt repeat XDD

at night..
sumthin 'terrible' happened agn..
bt dis is annoying..
sum ppl jux lik to find other ppl to start a quarrel..
bt honestly..
if u wan to start a quarrel..
use ur BRAIN to think 1st if u hav 1..
n wadeva i say doesnt have any relation to u..
so y bother to be such a busybody?
if u r here to make it merrier..
of cuz im fine with it..
bt instead u r here to make me feel miserable..
had enough of u..
dunno wad u wan from me..
anyway..
dat's nt important anymore..
cuz i nid ntg from u anyway..
so y bother?!
hahahaha~

Feb 14:
Valentine's day~
well..
another flashback came into my mind..
sweet memories..
haiz..

went for driving test..
well..
saw kai xiang dere..
wow..
at least i hav a company dere..
bt while waiting for my turn..
rly thank hm n ch for d acc..
at least keep me occupied~

w8ed quite long..
finally my turn..
d bukit 1st..
damn scary..
drove up dere..
YES!
gt into d line..
den wanted to move on..
once i put down d handbrake..
d car reversed a lil!!
omg!!
telling myself i must pass dis!
so quickly press d oil pedal n release d clutch..
well thank god it moved forward..
or else i'll fail..
den parking n 3 point turn went well..

bt when on the road..
rly..
arrogant invigilator..
nvm..
mark my things oso luan luan lai 1..
i did it..
den say i din n deduct my marks..
grrr...
ish..
bt still passed..
weeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~

Feb 15:
Safe & Sound~

Feb 16:
went out to de pastry chef..
no idea y we went dere...
chat oso din chat much..
bt quite funny..

Feb 17:
gt my license!
wee!!!!
damn syok!

happy birthday to u...
sum1 who cared abt me a lot..

Feb 18:
haiz..
stomach started to hav gastric..
rly terrible..
went to McD for breakfast..
saw karmun dere..
bt she din c me @@!
i've changed@@?!

bt my stomach made me moody for d whole day..
slept awkwardly early dat night..

Feb 19:
early in the morning woke up walk to mamak..
eat den walk bek..
which is quite far..
haiz..

den whole day keep ask parents to let me drive out!
yea!
haha XD

Feb 20:
went school v kkm..
saw a lot of 'blind' ppl..
haha..
adui..
so hard to recognize meh??

den chatted v pn. lee..
of how to 'survive'..
feel kinda gud..

den bek home..
oso chatted v a 'long lost fren'..
haha..
noticed dat he's changed a lot.
n sumhw said a lot of things abt me..
which i din even rly noe abt myself..
bt after hearing it..
i feel wd it means..
rly..
wow..

Feb 21:
ntg happened..
guess 22nd will be d same..
@@!

10/2 @ Just a dream..

Friday:
woke up with an extraordinary feeling..
cuz had an extraordinary dream..

"I was in my uniform..
doing my duty..
(which is weird since i've graduated)
den dere sum1 who did sumtin wrong n fought bek..
n up hav to quarrel v dem..
after they left..
as usual..
will be feeling alot of fire in myself..
bt then..
i turned bek n i saw u @@!
which is weird..
u put ur hand on my shoulder..
n din say a word..
well..
ur look was telling me dat u r supporting me..
even there isn't any word u speak..
bt yet..
i feel d support in u.."

and then..
I woke up..
knowing everything is fake agn..
only jux a dream..

den start my day lik any other day..
went for driving lessons..
which very hot..
bt luckily less ppl..
hope i can succeed dat day..
den meanwhile..
tot of a lot of things which happened ytd..
went bek school v yipseng..
n a bunch of kids shouting from above..
Lengzai look up!!
wow..
lol much??

den nap..
until d night..

well..
let's talk abt d dream agn..
it's nt only jux a dream..
maybe it's a kind of prediction??
sumtin totally different will happen eventually?

out of expectations..
u found me 2day @@!?
at 1st..
im kinda happy..
bt while talking..
u were lik being sarcastic..
m i being too sensitive?
n in fact..
ur sarcasm is a lil lik mine..

tell me im jux being sensitive..
cuz it rly hurts to know dat u've changed..
honestly..
to me..
you were a very gud brother..
a person i can share things with..
meanwhile..
u tell me everything too..
so..
as time goes..
it's my norm to ask u wad had happened dat bothered u..
bt dunno since when..
we din chat dat often anymore..

n dunno since when..
my concern has became annoying to u..
dunno since when..
u dun care abt it n dunnid my concern anymore..

funny..
rmb wad i promised u??
to bring u out for food once i gt my license??
well..
even now i oso think of dat when im having my lessons..
bt it seems lik u dun wan it now rite??

n i duno y..
no matter wad work i do..
i oso will try to leave copy..
in case u nid it as reference..
cuz sumtimes i hope to hav a reference for my projects..
bt i dun hav 1..
bt in the end..
u dun nid dem anyway..

i sounded pathetic rite?
well..
dat's d result for putting friends as my priority..

if i ever wanted to blame you for sumthin..
i've probably blamed u long ago..
d ignorance you gave..
d promise 2 celebrate my bday u 4gt..
if i rly wan to blame u..
y wud i blame u for such a small thing??
instead of blaming u..
i tried to think of an excuse on ur behalf..
to make me feel better..
one after another....
bt instead..
u accuse me for blaming u...
maybe when im joking..
u oways take it seriously..
either I've changed or you did..

honestly..
i cant accept d fact..
how can d world be so cruel..
i cant accept myself..

must humans realize their lost once only dey lose it??
r u going to 'appreciate' only if im dead??
or maybe u will jux be like 'finally you're gone for good~'
u may think im childish..
or immature..
relating death to everything..
d reason i keep thinking of it..
is becuz i feel dat life is fragile..
humans can jux go any time..
like an ant..
coming out for food..
end up being squashed to death..
i may be dat ant..
no1 knows wad will happen next..
im afraid 1 day i'll jux go..
leaving here with regrets..
n sumhw..
my 6th sense is telling me sumthin..
n my 6th sense sumhw comes true alot..

I rly lik d past..
where everything seems perfect..
my frenship was gud..
my love life was sort of ok..
maybe dat's y..
i couldn't accept d fact dat ppl changes..
bcuz im still living in d past..
when i saw all d msg we had last time..
it makes me feel worse..
cuz..
i still rmb how it was back then..

I rly hope i can live lik how i lived last time..
being brothers lik last time..
sharing secrets..
or maybe jux chat as usual..
unlike now...

a fren told me..
y bother such lil things??
jux let it go la!
y gt emo for such things..
she's right..
y m i so bothered by ppl who hav no blood relation to me..
n yet doesnt bother a thing i do..
how can ppl be such stupid??
in dis century..
do u find ppl who doesnt like to accept other ppl's offers??
a gift or a meal..
well..
there's 1 here..
1 stupid pathetic 1!
wad century's mind i hav here??!

d pic u edited & sent to me years ago..
i appreciated it..
Nice knowing you..

perhaps things doesn't last long..

hope i can wake up..
from this nightmare..

31/1 - 9/2 @Emotional Activities

Dun rly rmb wad happened lately..
jux a simple post maybe with a lot of emotional stuff in the end..

Tues:
a very very very awkward day..
trying to date ppl out..
bt in the end..
all dun ans phone call 1..
omg..
call who oso lik dat..
suddenly hate calling ppl @@!

well...
i dun rly rmb wad had happened dese few days..
darn my memories...

so..
Wed, Thurs, Fri:
ntg much~ XD

Sat:
2day went to shah alam dere..
dunno where..
meet mom's fren @@
wow..
big hse big dog @@

den since im alone..
ntg much to do..
bt dat boy rly..
pro..
who oso can chat..

den ntg much lo..
2day..
my 6th sense has proved to me dat it is PRO!!!
haha..
i can feel dat 'she' a stingy person at 1st sight..
n I AM RIGHT!!!
so small amount d money oso wan lik dat..
haiz..
pathetic~

den at night..
hoho..
bro brought gf home for a while..
awkward moment!
haha..
dunno how to say..

den saw a status..
starting to make me wonder....
....

Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed:
ntg much i guess @@!

Thurs:
morning nid go school..
bt at night..
rly hard to sleep..
keep worrying abt my results..
weird @@!

morning go school..
finally gt my cert.!
w8ed so long..

bt since i gt dis cert...
i dun think i hav any excuse to go bek to school anymore..
bt..
1 of d reason im interested in going bek is to c my frens..
or 'brothers'..
bt 2dy..
sumhw..
dunno hw to describe d feeling..
once best frens..
or maybe jux gud frens..
can be lik strangers..
as if we nvr knew each other..
dat actually hurts..
walking pass without a single greet..
thinking for an excuse to cover d act..

actually..
i rly miss d moments we've been thru..
my personality..
sumhw friends are my priority..
i lik d feeling when im appreciated..
or maybe d person is grateful that dey noe me??
sounds narcissistic..
bt i like it when i noe im sumthin to sum1..
nt jux any ordinary fren..
bt a special 1..

i heard a few times of dis thing dat i wana hear..
bt dat was d past..
n im still living in it..
bt others has moved on to another stage..
while im still dere..
living in my own world..
wondering y others become so different..

m i hoping too much??

i cant w8 to gt my license..
cuz when i gt it..
i can bring my 'brothers' out for tea or anything..
bt then..
dat was months ago..
rite now..
dun think any1 will wanna go anyway..

sounds weird..
bt last night i talked to myself..
telling myself wad kind of person i m..
n wad kind of person i shud be..

doubted..

how i wish..
i can live lik how we interacted in d past..
b4 all d quarrels..
b4 all d 'misunderstandings'..
i hope we r still dat kind of 'brothers' agn..
bt maybe it will nvr happen anymore..
cuz d more i find u all..
d more annoyed u will be..
dunno since when i hav became so annoying...

i rly hope i can find u all agn..
bt maybe u r too busy to even reply d simplest msg..
perhaps i jux hav to adapt v d situation..
maybe it's hard..
bt im forced to...

if i rly left..
will u guys care??
will u guys regret??
maybe..
maybe nt..

hope dis will be d last Emo post.....