10/2 @ Just a dream..

Friday:
woke up with an extraordinary feeling..
cuz had an extraordinary dream..

"I was in my uniform..
doing my duty..
(which is weird since i've graduated)
den dere sum1 who did sumtin wrong n fought bek..
n up hav to quarrel v dem..
after they left..
as usual..
will be feeling alot of fire in myself..
bt then..
i turned bek n i saw u @@!
which is weird..
u put ur hand on my shoulder..
n din say a word..
well..
ur look was telling me dat u r supporting me..
even there isn't any word u speak..
bt yet..
i feel d support in u.."

and then..
I woke up..
knowing everything is fake agn..
only jux a dream..

den start my day lik any other day..
went for driving lessons..
which very hot..
bt luckily less ppl..
hope i can succeed dat day..
den meanwhile..
tot of a lot of things which happened ytd..
went bek school v yipseng..
n a bunch of kids shouting from above..
Lengzai look up!!
wow..
lol much??

den nap..
until d night..

well..
let's talk abt d dream agn..
it's nt only jux a dream..
maybe it's a kind of prediction??
sumtin totally different will happen eventually?

out of expectations..
u found me 2day @@!?
at 1st..
im kinda happy..
bt while talking..
u were lik being sarcastic..
m i being too sensitive?
n in fact..
ur sarcasm is a lil lik mine..

tell me im jux being sensitive..
cuz it rly hurts to know dat u've changed..
honestly..
to me..
you were a very gud brother..
a person i can share things with..
meanwhile..
u tell me everything too..
so..
as time goes..
it's my norm to ask u wad had happened dat bothered u..
bt dunno since when..
we din chat dat often anymore..

n dunno since when..
my concern has became annoying to u..
dunno since when..
u dun care abt it n dunnid my concern anymore..

funny..
rmb wad i promised u??
to bring u out for food once i gt my license??
well..
even now i oso think of dat when im having my lessons..
bt it seems lik u dun wan it now rite??

n i duno y..
no matter wad work i do..
i oso will try to leave copy..
in case u nid it as reference..
cuz sumtimes i hope to hav a reference for my projects..
bt i dun hav 1..
bt in the end..
u dun nid dem anyway..

i sounded pathetic rite?
well..
dat's d result for putting friends as my priority..

if i ever wanted to blame you for sumthin..
i've probably blamed u long ago..
d ignorance you gave..
d promise 2 celebrate my bday u 4gt..
if i rly wan to blame u..
y wud i blame u for such a small thing??
instead of blaming u..
i tried to think of an excuse on ur behalf..
to make me feel better..
one after another....
bt instead..
u accuse me for blaming u...
maybe when im joking..
u oways take it seriously..
either I've changed or you did..

honestly..
i cant accept d fact..
how can d world be so cruel..
i cant accept myself..

must humans realize their lost once only dey lose it??
r u going to 'appreciate' only if im dead??
or maybe u will jux be like 'finally you're gone for good~'
u may think im childish..
or immature..
relating death to everything..
d reason i keep thinking of it..
is becuz i feel dat life is fragile..
humans can jux go any time..
like an ant..
coming out for food..
end up being squashed to death..
i may be dat ant..
no1 knows wad will happen next..
im afraid 1 day i'll jux go..
leaving here with regrets..
n sumhw..
my 6th sense is telling me sumthin..
n my 6th sense sumhw comes true alot..

I rly lik d past..
where everything seems perfect..
my frenship was gud..
my love life was sort of ok..
maybe dat's y..
i couldn't accept d fact dat ppl changes..
bcuz im still living in d past..
when i saw all d msg we had last time..
it makes me feel worse..
cuz..
i still rmb how it was back then..

I rly hope i can live lik how i lived last time..
being brothers lik last time..
sharing secrets..
or maybe jux chat as usual..
unlike now...

a fren told me..
y bother such lil things??
jux let it go la!
y gt emo for such things..
she's right..
y m i so bothered by ppl who hav no blood relation to me..
n yet doesnt bother a thing i do..
how can ppl be such stupid??
in dis century..
do u find ppl who doesnt like to accept other ppl's offers??
a gift or a meal..
well..
there's 1 here..
1 stupid pathetic 1!
wad century's mind i hav here??!

d pic u edited & sent to me years ago..
i appreciated it..
Nice knowing you..

perhaps things doesn't last long..

hope i can wake up..
from this nightmare..