19/11 - 25/11

Sat/Sun:
ordinary days..
no tuition..
for once??
normal weekends like an ordinary kid..
bt exam..
so nt so ordinary after all..
bt sumhw i feel my throat hurts..
nt throat rly.
jux 1 side..
even hurts when i wnna talk..

Mon:
moral..
memorized all nilai..
everything..
jux afraid dat i choose a wrong 1 or wad..
other than dat..
A OK~

every1 is so obsessed with d football match..
n yet..
im watching hk dramas..
when every1 is screaming..
shouting..
cheering..
perhaps im nt dat patriotic after all..

n i wonder..
y do dey hav to make demselves to look like a fool??
so spoil deir own country's reputation??
wad a disgrace..
u will only make ppl from other countries think dat u guys r neanderthals!
doing barbaric things aint helping in development of country PPL!!
think before u do!
well..
saying so much..
bt ntg to do with me oso==
ish..

Tues:
no exam..
holiday..
ppl sure like to call me when i cant talk..
==
went to c d doc..
it was nt a sore throat..
it was an ulcer..
a BIG 1..
under my tongue..
which caused me to stop talking for days..
especially my dad..
urgh...

Wed:
add math..
well..
is nt dat i dunno how to do..
bt im scared..
im scared of careless mistakes..
cuz during my exercises..
i often do alot..
..
1 thing for sure..
I HATE PROBABILITY!!!!!
bt yet..
i luv normal distribution..
sumthin almost d same..
bt..
nvm..
past..

Thurs:
physics..
among d science subjects..
physics will be my best..
bt yet..
d paper..
P1 is kinda challenging..
P2 quite okay..
at least noe how to do..
bt p3 very very terrible..
i think i lost mark in d whole section..

bek home..
i hav terribly no mood..
dun feel lik talking at all..
y can i do such stupid things??
i rly hate myself..
y...

Fri:
felt lot better??
nt sure..
i was over of d physics issue..
cuz dat's a fact i did such stupid mistakes..
bt sumthin came in my mind..
for d past few years..
i think I've changed a lot..
some i din even notice..
bt i rmb..
i was once a selfish lil boy when i was in primary school..
bt in 2ndary school..
i started dun mind borrowing ppl money..
or treating others sumthins..
even is nt much..
maybe my parents became my role model..
slowly i became a lil 'generous'..
bt nt for long..
soon..
i noticed dat all i did was for ntg..
some of dem proved to me dat i was being stupid..
cuz nobody appreciates dem..
sumhw..
i've became selfish agn..
cuz honestly..
it's sad to see dat wad given is nt appreciated..

likewise..
im tired to be wad i m nw..
if u notice..
i was always dere to listen..
if u needed..
n i will try my best to help..
bt..
when im troubled..
i rly hope to find sum1 to talk to..
bt..
i dunno who i can talk to..
i jux feel ignored every time..
i rly hope dat i can meet sum1 dat i can rly rely on..
bt guess not..
im oways nt d 'priority'..
n i cant change dis fact..
i noe dere's always a #1 fren in every1's heart..
bt i guess im nt in any1's heart..
nt dat i know it..

perhaps..
i have to stop..
stop caring abt d other ppl's thing..
nt dat dey nid me anyway..
n i hav to stop blabbering my problems to other ppl..
cuz..
i noe no1 wans to hear dem..
bt do u noe d feeling when u wan to talk to ppl..
n u cant find any??
im sure alot of u felt d same..
maybe im making it a big issue abt it..
where it's jux a small problem to d others..

honestly..
im tired..
of my current "way of living"..
perhaps i nid to change..
or i shud say..
i shud care abt myself..
more than how i care abt others..
ppl come and ppl goes..
sometimes we jux have to say goodbyes..
even though how much i hated them..

sumtimes..
letting go..
or putting down..
aint dat bad after all..
n finally..
I'm accepting cakes agn..
dunno how many months since i ate my laz cake..
indescribable feelings..
bt i dun rly crave for cakes oso..
so ntg much actually..

i jux wanna be free~
i jux wanna be me!

anyway..
thx ppl~
for appearing in my life..
showing me dis n dat..
tell me wad life is rly about..
bt..
maybe i wont be d same person i used to be..
i'll try to be a person i shud i hav been long ago..
nice knowing you ppl..

sry if dis post offended any1..
if it din..
dat's great then..

it's 4 sumthin now..
i think i typed dis for hours..
thinking of wad to rite..
bt end up..
i jux wanna be str8 forward..
...
maybe ppl will hate me for dis..
bt im going to take dis risk..

-to be continued-

12/11 - 18/11

Sat:
erm..
ntg much dis day..

Sun:
tuition~
omg.. damn nervous for exam d next day..
while studying will suddenly omg@@!!
den mark belanja makan KFC..
wow!!
i rly wanna lay my fingers on it!!
bt..
cuz of my health..
forced to tahan..
c dou dey all eat dao so shuang..
so san fu!!
bt suan la..
only can smell it~

Mon:
SPM finally arrived!!
w8ed for years..
scared of dis for years..

exam paper 1..
omg..
open paper..
pray~~
thank god i read abt d things!!
managed to write abt it!
8 paragraph..
for the 1st time..
write so long~
wee~~~

den w8 for hours..
until 2 sumthin..
den paper 2..
omg..
some quite ok..
at least noe how do..
novel only nid character n persoalan..
bina ayat..
WTH is CEPUMAS?????
haha..
bt ok la..
at least wun feel too hard..
XD

Tues:
english..
oso very nervous..

paper 1..
essays..
mcm nt enuf time ei..
a famous person that you admire..
i rly felt like writing about Taylor Swift!
bt think think xia..
abit not practical lo @@!
plus..
dunno managed to write so long anot..
so chosen to write another 1..
Best things in life are free~
write dao abit..
mcm..
erm..
aherm..
especially d love section..
rly @@!

den paper 2..
kinda lazy to write so many words..
haiz..

Wed:
SEJARAH!!!
omg..
rly..
keep reading reading reading..
paper 1 selamat..
i expect wrong around 10..
bt around 5 only..
thank god..

den paper 2..
rly funny..
at 1st rly scared about it..
den when i look thru d questions..
omg??
y so funny 1..
did i take d right paper??
i think mcm moral more lo@@!
cuz almost more than half d paper oso kbkk 1..
even name of d national anthem oso ask @@!
rly thank god lo!!
hope no nid retake or wad la...

Thurs:
mathematics~
well..
mcm abit too proud..
langsung dun feel lik studying..
bt hor..
dat make things worse..
im scared dy..
y m i nt reading..
den quickly find sumthin to read..
den only i realize i hav 1 book from my brother which is not done b4..
nt even 1 page..
LOL!
any1 interested..

after d exam..
all i can say is..
i hate probability..
no comments on it..
damn scare gt silly careless mistake..

actually u noe..
my heart hurts too..
perhaps u dun c it..
bt i rly hope to be there..
for u..
bt i guess..
im nt necessary..
jux walk away..
at least i noe u will be ok..

at nite..
1st time chat v sum1 till so @@!
ST a!!!!
thx for telling me ur BIGGEST secret...
I'm oso shocked..
bt im very pleased that you trusted me!
n i think we have sumthin in common..
haha..
which is nt rly a gud thing..
bt who cares!
hahahaha~

Fri:
no exam..
jux lik dat~
happy anniversary~!!!
went the curve to celebrate..
sort of..
jux eat n walk only actually..


sumtimes..
i will rmb everything dat happened in the past..
wad kind of person i was bek den..
wad kind person my friends were dat time..
den i will compare it with d present..
i will wonder..
wad kinf of person m i actually..
im lost..
bt i guess i'll figure out next time..
gonna focus for spm now..

thx for every1's wishes..
especially dose sincere 1..
i rly luv it!
wahhahaa

7/11 - 11/11

Mon:
Holiday..
went to a temple near Petaling street..
mood jux swings..
ntg to say..
whole day mcm no mood..
afternoon slept whole day..

Tues:
2day gt a shocking news..
a terrible 1..
1 dat i've nvr thought b4..
it is nt d 1st case..
bt dis is d 1st case that is close to me..
d kind of feeling is indescribable..
memories flashes back..

jux knew dat a fren of mine passed away..
d kind of feeling..
i couldn't rly control my emotions..
luckily no1 was at home..
i can jux cry..
d kind of feeling..

sum frens asked me to go to her funeral..
my 1st thought..
shud i??
cuz I'm rly afraid..
I'm afraid to accept d truth..
I'm afraid dat I couldn't control myself later..
in the end i rejected..

Wed:
once agn..
frens asked me to go..
after a while of consideration..
i chose to go..
bt with fear i went there..
I'm afraid I will break down anytime..

when I was there..
d kind of feeling..
it's my 1st time..
n i hope it will be d last time..
when I look at her..
d urge to cry..
bt hold it..

den we prayed for her..
n sang a couple of songs..
sumtimes while singing..
d urge will come..
den when I see others nt crying..
i told myself..
be strong..
hold it..
bt when I c d auntie standing in front dere..
looks happy when we r singing..
d kind of feeling..
she's very strong..
i rly dunno wad to say..
after singing we went to see her once agn..
dis time i cant control anymore...
tears start to burst out..
dis time i cant stop it..
trying very hard..
until i managed to stop..
den whenever i hav d urge..
i jux keep telling myself..
dun think abt it..
dun think abt it..
dun let her c sadness on my face..
until d last time I c her agn..
for the last time..

den we walked around d compound..
den we passed by school..
suddenly d urge came agn..
bt..
hold it..

say dat im selfish..
i rather lost contact with a fren n hope that dey live forever happily n healthily..
rather than noe-ing a lost of 1 good fren..

She..
is a very strong girl..
stronger than a lot of ppl..
she was sick for quite some time..
bt i did not know much..
until few weeks ago..
den only i realized..
i start to ask myself..
wad kind of fren m i??
y din i noe abt it..
i din do my part as a fren..
bt she was rly strong..
she nvr complained much..

i will nvr 4gt d things u did 4 me..
d time during exam..
i jux simply say i wan 100 sailous..
bt u rly did it..
n is nt a simply thing..
u did it with ur heart..
doing it for me..
bt u din ask anything in return..

den i checked my old phone..
i searched thru all d inbox..
i felt guilty..
where are all ur msgs..
rly rly guilty..
all ur caring msgs..
sincere 1..
y were dey deleted??
n instead i kept a lot of worthless msgs from ppl who doesnt care abt me at all..
y??
y din i open my eyes..
n now..
its gone..

i rmb dat time..
after d performance of english singing comp.
u were d only fren who told me it was nice..
d only 1 who gav me compliments..
n b4 bali..
u purposely sent me a msg to wish me happy birthday..
i rmb dat..

even though d msgs r gone..
bt dey will still be in my heart..
sry..
n thank you..
u hav gave me a lot of sweet memories..
i may nt be d close fren who shared lots of things with u..
bt i will always miss u..
my Candy Jie..
R.I.P.

P.S. I nvr regretted going to c ur for one last time..

Thurs:
ordinary day..
jux raptai for graduation day..
whole day at dewan..
..
ntg much to talk abt..

Fri:
Last day at school??
nt rly..
since still have to go for 10 days..
bt dis is d last chance to meet my juniors..
took lots of pics with lots of ppl..
dere were a few performances..
some i couldn't rly hear..
1 very touching 1..
jux for candy..
1 considered a flash mob..
kinda nice..

bt den..
sumhw..
i still hav jealousy in me..
so i jux decided to 'read'..
even though i kept repeating d same sentence for times bt still i dunno wad im reading..
i jux wan to distract myself from seeing wad i dun wanna c..

den i rly feel lik talking to pn lee..
bt suddenly lots of ppl came by..
dey started talking..
so i jux kept quiet over dere..
trying to 'read' agn..

den teac left..
dere i was alone..
feeling awkward..
thinking miracles could happen..
bt i dun think so..
so jux decided to lay down n act tired..
perhaps it wont look awkward..
bt den suddenly teac called me to follow her..
so jux went dere..
talk a lil bout my probs..
bt den..
teac became bz agn..
so jux stood dere..
a lot of thoughts came out.
i was thinking..
I hated being alone here..
bt then..
Im leaving now..
for once im gonna leave..
bt yet..
im still nt happy..
m i the only 1 who are missing them??
bcuz dis may be the last time we see each other..
since we nvr know wad will happen in the future..
perhaps this is goodbye..
forever..
maybe u guys have each other..
losing me aint sumthin big..

nearly wet my keyboard typing dis post..
guess i shud stop be4 getting dehydrated..
bye..

Happy 11/11/11 to every1 out there..
good luck!

...

We may not be very close and all..
But you showed me something..
Things in life I've never really seen before..
I've never really thought of this moment before..
I knew something was wrong..
But I never knew it can be this wrong..
We seldom talk in school..
So actually I don't know much about you..

Even we did not social much..
But I'll never forget what you did..
Something very touching..
To others..
It might be nothing for others..
But this is something no one had done for me before..
I never really thought you will do it..
Cause I was just intending to say for fun..
But you..
You really did it..
Honestly..
I'm touched..

I've never thought this day will come..
I never imagine that this would happen..

You really motivated me a lot..
Mentally..
My role model..
I will stand strong!!

Thank you very much..
I will keep moving on..
No matter how hard it is..

Once again..
It has shown me that life is fragile..
Good people always leave first..
Is it because God want them by their side??
Maybe reaching the other world will be a better thing for you??
So that you won't have to suffer anymore..

Perhaps this is goodbye..
I will miss you..
My only Candy Jie..
R.I.P.

4/11 - 6/11

Fri:
din school agn @@
whole day at home..
4gt did wad dy..
another busy night..

Sat:
for once no tuition..
bt going to weii's hse..
her bro full moon~
at 1st rly frustrating..
cuz dad keep blaming on me when he is late..
argh!
fine den..
reach mh hse dy..
feel better dy..
den follow jy to weii hse..
reach dere damn lot ppl man!
den met some new fren..
d new fren rly@@
1st day meet mcm meet jor long time..
bt quite fun la..
wad i cant 4gt d most is..
weii say she cant gt us drink cuz she cant reach it @@
den jy ask..
d hole how big @@
den d guy jux SPRAYED water all over d table..
n im sitting rite opposite..
some hit me!!!
omg==!
rly zd~

bt kinda fun..
den kkm came fetch us go 2nd round..
me, jy, mh oso follow..
den us + kkm, cynthia n chongmeng all sit in dat wira..
omg..
den in petrol station lagi omg..
kkm go take petrol..
chong meng from d bek move to d front..
den wan start car..
rly lol la dem..

den go find kaiyin..
n go green apple 2geda..
7 ppl in 1 wira..
omg..
when crossing a bump damn ci gek..
every1 oso very ci gek @@
behind d we 5 damn san fu 1..

den at green apple rly crazy..
1st time being so crazy man..
playing v mh's hair..
zd..

den play till quite late only bek..
so crazy dat nite..
so high~~

Sun:
even wake up oso feel very syok..
dunno y..

den go tuition..
for 4 hours @@
rly tired..
eyes keep dripping..

bt dunno y..
once bek home..
rly no mood..
see dou wad oso dun lik..
den see more feel worse..
jux feel lik being alone suddenly..

den go out for food..
slept in d whole distance dere n bek..
felt much better..
bek to normal i guess..

den suddenly..
hav d feeling agn..
i feel lik being lost suddenly..
isit bcuz of d pressure from exam..
sumhw my emotions has become unstable for d moment..
dunno wad im thinking currently..
i gt moody of everything..
i gt jealous of everything..
Im rly afraid of SPM rite now..
n yet..
i dunno how to study all d things..
too much for me to handle..
i dunno how to handle my frenship issues..
i dunno how to handle everything rite now..
i rly hope to be free..
free from troubles..
free from nt caring abt others anymore..
no1 und me..
no1 ever will..
even if ppl noe wad i wan..
it cant be fulfilled..

i dunno how right now..
is gud to noe how ppl noe abt u..
jux saw how sum1 wrote abt me..
well..
it make sense though..

i rly hope to change myself..
to sum1 who can ignore forever..
hope i can be a new person when im bek..

my graduation is near soon..
rly hope to at least gt a pic with all of u..
bt d prob is im too shy to ask..

learning to be a better person..
or learning to live alone..
wad to do..
complicated now..

28/10 - 3/11

Fri:
another usual day..
another busy night..
kinda bored..
cuz too busy dy..
sounds weird @@

Sat:
wow..
2day damn cigek!
i feel lik a spy~!
weee~
nice experience~!

Sun:
parents go pahang @@
(after tuition..
went watch Paranormal Activity 3..
omg..
damn ci gek man..
d movie watch dao very tired..
every second oso hav to look every spot on d screen..
to notice any movement of d invisible thingy..
whole cinema quiet geh..
1st time..
except my row..
rly..
lol!

d ending of the movie rly confusing @@
have to figure out slowly..
bt nice!

den 1st time makan sushi zanmai~
d sushi very nice!
noodles okok lo..
bt i lik d sushi!
rawr!!)

Mon:
went to school..
lik any other ordinary day..
5 periods of bm..
4 periods of bio @@
erm..

bt 2day is a very special day for me..
consider..
cuz f4 exam..
so d assembly must go on..
n sook fen n i had to handle it..
once again im wearing coat~
n im asking ppl to keep quiet..
omg..
long time din do dy..
abit 4gt how..
haha..
bt very nice la..
d feeling..
is lik my last chance to do dat dy..
gonna miss it sum day..

den jux feel lik finding pn lee to let everything out!
argh~
bt still handling it..

Tues:
din go to school @@
so..
ntg much..
except for tuition..
den decided agn nt to go schoo on wed..
lol~

Wed:
afternoon raining heavily..
den feel lik going for food around 3 sumthin..
fine..
walk to d mamak which is quite far away..
i nid around 10 min to reach @@
bt nvm..
for my stomach..
jux sacrifice a lil~
haha

den bek home..

Thurs:
bek to school..
den ntg much..
return bek d books..
den jux walk here n dere..

den after recess..
yauz bday..
bring him go 5B n 5D
den tell every1 is his bday..
5B no reaction 1..
so fish..
5D still sing a song for him..
haha..
1st kind do such things..
hope he likes it..
haha~
Happy Birthday boy!

well..
if u ask me..
no..
i haven gt over it..
im still troubled by dat matter..
i still care abt it..
yes..
i shud've known wad kind of person u r..
n i hav already predicted wad will happen..
n yet..
i still had hope for miracles..
thinking one day everything will change..
haiz..
jux shun qi zi ran ba~!