7/11 - 11/11

Mon:
Holiday..
went to a temple near Petaling street..
mood jux swings..
ntg to say..
whole day mcm no mood..
afternoon slept whole day..

Tues:
2day gt a shocking news..
a terrible 1..
1 dat i've nvr thought b4..
it is nt d 1st case..
bt dis is d 1st case that is close to me..
d kind of feeling is indescribable..
memories flashes back..

jux knew dat a fren of mine passed away..
d kind of feeling..
i couldn't rly control my emotions..
luckily no1 was at home..
i can jux cry..
d kind of feeling..

sum frens asked me to go to her funeral..
my 1st thought..
shud i??
cuz I'm rly afraid..
I'm afraid to accept d truth..
I'm afraid dat I couldn't control myself later..
in the end i rejected..

Wed:
once agn..
frens asked me to go..
after a while of consideration..
i chose to go..
bt with fear i went there..
I'm afraid I will break down anytime..

when I was there..
d kind of feeling..
it's my 1st time..
n i hope it will be d last time..
when I look at her..
d urge to cry..
bt hold it..

den we prayed for her..
n sang a couple of songs..
sumtimes while singing..
d urge will come..
den when I see others nt crying..
i told myself..
be strong..
hold it..
bt when I c d auntie standing in front dere..
looks happy when we r singing..
d kind of feeling..
she's very strong..
i rly dunno wad to say..
after singing we went to see her once agn..
dis time i cant control anymore...
tears start to burst out..
dis time i cant stop it..
trying very hard..
until i managed to stop..
den whenever i hav d urge..
i jux keep telling myself..
dun think abt it..
dun think abt it..
dun let her c sadness on my face..
until d last time I c her agn..
for the last time..

den we walked around d compound..
den we passed by school..
suddenly d urge came agn..
bt..
hold it..

say dat im selfish..
i rather lost contact with a fren n hope that dey live forever happily n healthily..
rather than noe-ing a lost of 1 good fren..

She..
is a very strong girl..
stronger than a lot of ppl..
she was sick for quite some time..
bt i did not know much..
until few weeks ago..
den only i realized..
i start to ask myself..
wad kind of fren m i??
y din i noe abt it..
i din do my part as a fren..
bt she was rly strong..
she nvr complained much..

i will nvr 4gt d things u did 4 me..
d time during exam..
i jux simply say i wan 100 sailous..
bt u rly did it..
n is nt a simply thing..
u did it with ur heart..
doing it for me..
bt u din ask anything in return..

den i checked my old phone..
i searched thru all d inbox..
i felt guilty..
where are all ur msgs..
rly rly guilty..
all ur caring msgs..
sincere 1..
y were dey deleted??
n instead i kept a lot of worthless msgs from ppl who doesnt care abt me at all..
y??
y din i open my eyes..
n now..
its gone..

i rmb dat time..
after d performance of english singing comp.
u were d only fren who told me it was nice..
d only 1 who gav me compliments..
n b4 bali..
u purposely sent me a msg to wish me happy birthday..
i rmb dat..

even though d msgs r gone..
bt dey will still be in my heart..
sry..
n thank you..
u hav gave me a lot of sweet memories..
i may nt be d close fren who shared lots of things with u..
bt i will always miss u..
my Candy Jie..
R.I.P.

P.S. I nvr regretted going to c ur for one last time..

Thurs:
ordinary day..
jux raptai for graduation day..
whole day at dewan..
..
ntg much to talk abt..

Fri:
Last day at school??
nt rly..
since still have to go for 10 days..
bt dis is d last chance to meet my juniors..
took lots of pics with lots of ppl..
dere were a few performances..
some i couldn't rly hear..
1 very touching 1..
jux for candy..
1 considered a flash mob..
kinda nice..

bt den..
sumhw..
i still hav jealousy in me..
so i jux decided to 'read'..
even though i kept repeating d same sentence for times bt still i dunno wad im reading..
i jux wan to distract myself from seeing wad i dun wanna c..

den i rly feel lik talking to pn lee..
bt suddenly lots of ppl came by..
dey started talking..
so i jux kept quiet over dere..
trying to 'read' agn..

den teac left..
dere i was alone..
feeling awkward..
thinking miracles could happen..
bt i dun think so..
so jux decided to lay down n act tired..
perhaps it wont look awkward..
bt den suddenly teac called me to follow her..
so jux went dere..
talk a lil bout my probs..
bt den..
teac became bz agn..
so jux stood dere..
a lot of thoughts came out.
i was thinking..
I hated being alone here..
bt then..
Im leaving now..
for once im gonna leave..
bt yet..
im still nt happy..
m i the only 1 who are missing them??
bcuz dis may be the last time we see each other..
since we nvr know wad will happen in the future..
perhaps this is goodbye..
forever..
maybe u guys have each other..
losing me aint sumthin big..

nearly wet my keyboard typing dis post..
guess i shud stop be4 getting dehydrated..
bye..

Happy 11/11/11 to every1 out there..
good luck!