19/11 - 25/11

Sat/Sun:
ordinary days..
no tuition..
for once??
normal weekends like an ordinary kid..
bt exam..
so nt so ordinary after all..
bt sumhw i feel my throat hurts..
nt throat rly.
jux 1 side..
even hurts when i wnna talk..

Mon:
moral..
memorized all nilai..
everything..
jux afraid dat i choose a wrong 1 or wad..
other than dat..
A OK~

every1 is so obsessed with d football match..
n yet..
im watching hk dramas..
when every1 is screaming..
shouting..
cheering..
perhaps im nt dat patriotic after all..

n i wonder..
y do dey hav to make demselves to look like a fool??
so spoil deir own country's reputation??
wad a disgrace..
u will only make ppl from other countries think dat u guys r neanderthals!
doing barbaric things aint helping in development of country PPL!!
think before u do!
well..
saying so much..
bt ntg to do with me oso==
ish..

Tues:
no exam..
holiday..
ppl sure like to call me when i cant talk..
==
went to c d doc..
it was nt a sore throat..
it was an ulcer..
a BIG 1..
under my tongue..
which caused me to stop talking for days..
especially my dad..
urgh...

Wed:
add math..
well..
is nt dat i dunno how to do..
bt im scared..
im scared of careless mistakes..
cuz during my exercises..
i often do alot..
..
1 thing for sure..
I HATE PROBABILITY!!!!!
bt yet..
i luv normal distribution..
sumthin almost d same..
bt..
nvm..
past..

Thurs:
physics..
among d science subjects..
physics will be my best..
bt yet..
d paper..
P1 is kinda challenging..
P2 quite okay..
at least noe how to do..
bt p3 very very terrible..
i think i lost mark in d whole section..

bek home..
i hav terribly no mood..
dun feel lik talking at all..
y can i do such stupid things??
i rly hate myself..
y...

Fri:
felt lot better??
nt sure..
i was over of d physics issue..
cuz dat's a fact i did such stupid mistakes..
bt sumthin came in my mind..
for d past few years..
i think I've changed a lot..
some i din even notice..
bt i rmb..
i was once a selfish lil boy when i was in primary school..
bt in 2ndary school..
i started dun mind borrowing ppl money..
or treating others sumthins..
even is nt much..
maybe my parents became my role model..
slowly i became a lil 'generous'..
bt nt for long..
soon..
i noticed dat all i did was for ntg..
some of dem proved to me dat i was being stupid..
cuz nobody appreciates dem..
sumhw..
i've became selfish agn..
cuz honestly..
it's sad to see dat wad given is nt appreciated..

likewise..
im tired to be wad i m nw..
if u notice..
i was always dere to listen..
if u needed..
n i will try my best to help..
bt..
when im troubled..
i rly hope to find sum1 to talk to..
bt..
i dunno who i can talk to..
i jux feel ignored every time..
i rly hope dat i can meet sum1 dat i can rly rely on..
bt guess not..
im oways nt d 'priority'..
n i cant change dis fact..
i noe dere's always a #1 fren in every1's heart..
bt i guess im nt in any1's heart..
nt dat i know it..

perhaps..
i have to stop..
stop caring abt d other ppl's thing..
nt dat dey nid me anyway..
n i hav to stop blabbering my problems to other ppl..
cuz..
i noe no1 wans to hear dem..
bt do u noe d feeling when u wan to talk to ppl..
n u cant find any??
im sure alot of u felt d same..
maybe im making it a big issue abt it..
where it's jux a small problem to d others..

honestly..
im tired..
of my current "way of living"..
perhaps i nid to change..
or i shud say..
i shud care abt myself..
more than how i care abt others..
ppl come and ppl goes..
sometimes we jux have to say goodbyes..
even though how much i hated them..

sumtimes..
letting go..
or putting down..
aint dat bad after all..
n finally..
I'm accepting cakes agn..
dunno how many months since i ate my laz cake..
indescribable feelings..
bt i dun rly crave for cakes oso..
so ntg much actually..

i jux wanna be free~
i jux wanna be me!

anyway..
thx ppl~
for appearing in my life..
showing me dis n dat..
tell me wad life is rly about..
bt..
maybe i wont be d same person i used to be..
i'll try to be a person i shud i hav been long ago..
nice knowing you ppl..

sry if dis post offended any1..
if it din..
dat's great then..

it's 4 sumthin now..
i think i typed dis for hours..
thinking of wad to rite..
bt end up..
i jux wanna be str8 forward..
...
maybe ppl will hate me for dis..
bt im going to take dis risk..

-to be continued-