10/8

Wed:
2day is nt a gud day..
I've gt from depressed to humiliated..
by myself of cuz..

early in the morning..
i hav da feeling to stay at home..
i dun feel lik going to school..
in the end i went..

sumthin terribly embarrassing happened..
it had nvr happened for a long time..
bt..
i've tried so hard to gt ok n walk out..
in the end..
until teac told me abt it..
y can i be depressed till lik dis??!!
y??!!!!
it was totally embarrassing..
once agn..
i broke down..
tears drop silently..
dere i was alone..
suddenly..
ppl came in the room..
dey muz hav tot im sleepy n sleeping..
bt who would hav tot dat i actually..
...
I HATE TODAY!!!!!

den PJ stayed in bilik pengawas..
do some work..
nobody actually bothered wad had happened..
or shud i say nobody actually felt my presence..
as if im transparent..

i walked out..
bt i dun feel lik seeing anyone..
even though no1 saw it..
bt..
i rly dun feel lik seeing anyone..
i feel lik hiding myself in a hole..

during recess..
i feel lik being alone..
bt i dun wan to be in class..
or else i will be annoyed by SUM1..
so i chose to go to da prefects' room..
slept for a few minutes..
den started to go hav my duty..
felt much better i guess..
bt i still cant gt over it..
dere i walked..
here n dere..
trying to find a place i belong..

i ignored many ppl actually..
or shud i say i rly dun feel lik talking..
to anyone..
i noe no1 noes..
bt i jux cant gt over it in my heart..
it was da most embarrassing thing ever!
so..
..

after school..
went to find teac..
cuz da f4 jux had deir interview..
wanna find out da result..
da teacs r gonna hav a meeting to talk abt it..
so dunno result yet..

den it was raining terribly..
i rly wan to stand in the rain..
let da rain beat on my body..
n i did..
bt it was quite heavy by then..
bt at least better than ntg..
dis might sounds stupid..
bt i lik it..

i deactivated my fb account..
temporarily..
i wanna stay myself away from da 'world' for a while..
i dunno how to face da problem..
how i wish everything ends now..
everything..
sumhw..
it was nice knowing u guys..
bt i wont be da person i was..

look on the bright side..
at least i can try to stop my addiction..
let's see how long i can take it..

stop asking why's..
im tired of it..
dere i was sad n depressed..
bt WHERE WERE YOU?!!
where u dere to actually care?
how can i actually accept sum1 who actually dun rly care abt me?
bt only care abt u urself..
all u hav told me is abt wad u wan..
do u noe wad i wan?
do u noe wad i've been thru?
do u noe how much pressure i had?
all u wan is to make me guilty..
guess wad?
u did it!
CONGRATULATIONS!
bt FYI..
i aint gonna do anything abt it..
im tired of dis..
hate me if u wan..
i doesnt matter anymore..
u weren't dere when im depressed..
y wud i wan u to be here when im okay?
"A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED"
ever heard of it?
do the math!

it doesnt mean anything anymore..
being in the crowd is still the same..
da heart is still empty..

You Never Cared!

Everything is just a lie..