27/10

Thurs:

Time flies..
It's thursday dy..
n yet..
i did ntg much..

well..
i wasted my holiday!!!
argh!!
haiz..
finally went to tuition..
d legs still..
hate going down d stairs..
urgh..
pain..

well..
normally i wun blog v such lil things..
bt dere's 1 thing lingering in my mind..
wad happened..
to be exact..
wad do u wan??
after all u promised..
i waited..
i rly did..
i kept making excuses for myself every moment..
jux to let myself feel better..
i think I've created too much excuses..
until..
i dunno wad to say left..
i cant think of any more reason..
i start to giv up on waiting..
so i decided to to jux make a move??
bt..
none of it worked..
once agn u disappeared..
i dunno wad is d reason..
im trying to find out..
bt it seems like..
u dun wan it to be dat way..

ok..
i dunno wad m i saying..
i dunno wad m i thinking..
or shud i say my mind is now blank..
y does hav to be dis way..
y do u always do d same..
n yet..
i keep falling for it..
im stupid enuf to bliv dose things..
i shud hav known..
no promises r meant to be kept..
maybe nt from u..
u change terribly fast..
jux 1 night..
things changed..
wad is wrong???
m i dat nice to be fooled??

bt if u think dat i dun value dis frenship..
dat's when u r wrong..
bt if u think im rly dat annoying or wad..
den..
all i can say is gudbye..
cuz in few more weeks..
i guess 2 more weeks..
we will nvr meet agn..
if u wanna remain disappeared in this 2 weeks..
i'll respect ur decision..
n anyway..
i guess i wun find u anymore..
if dat's wad u wan..

u've gave me some nice memories..
bt i guess all i can do now is let go..
anyway..
thx for everything..

life has its ups and downs..
well..
dunno how to overcome d problems..
perhaps im jux nt as strong as it seems..

jux hope for a happy graduation now..
1 dat bring me laughter & smiles..
which r nt fake ones..
I pray..

22/10 - 26/10

Sat:
ntg much special..
another ordinary tuition day..
den after tuition..
dunno wan go sg.wang anot..
bt decided nt to go..
cuz d place very crowded..
bt i wanna go shopping..
weird..
in the end oso dun wan la..

so close..
bt im gonna wait..
after dat!
Im gonna get it!

Sun:
no tuition..
no nothing..
another ordinary day..

Mon:
parents went Singapore..
bro go college..
so home alone..
sien..

nite..
sumthin unlucky happened @@
open d door i oso can hurt y legs..
toes to be exact..
or maybe toe nail@@
kept bleeding..
damn..
no1 at home..
walk go get d med box oso pain..
damn hard gt dou...
den start to wonder..
wad shud i do next..
start to feel anxious @@
luckily bro came bek..
n tell me wad i shud do..
so done dy..

den 1st time chat v mom thru fb~
haha
still a slow typer~~
nvr hav mom on fb..
STALKER!
XD

Tues:
morning wake up..
go mamak..
bro drive me..
haha..
n i notice dere's a cocoon on d wall..
ate dou quite fun...
bt my legs @@

den once agn quarrel..
lol la..
said everything out..
bt..
soon..
everything bek to normal..
well dis is d 1st time dis thing happen..
cuz..
normally ppl will nid time after quarreling to heal bek @@

den dinner~
bla bla bla..

den chat v gwen..
damn lol man!!
she also from st ronan..
den talk lots bout d past..
quite fun~

den haiz..
trying to be determined..
still..
i fell for it..
cuz i rly bliv in d promises u made..
i w8ed..

Wed:
morning..
wake up..
hungry..
bro wan sleep..
TT
forced to WALK to d coffee shop to buy food..
damn..
crowded..
wad i hated..
bt long time din go dy..
1st time feel very far distance..
maybe cuz d legs..

den whole day very bored..
very usual..
i hate it..
cuz..
d promise is once agn broken..
once agn..
hopes r crushed..
i rly wonder..
is it dat i hope for too much??
is it wrong??

well..
rite now..
im abit lost in all d relationships thingy..
dunno wad kind of person i shud be..
shun qi zi ran??
maybe i shud jux...
dunno la..
very complicated now..
emo-ing @@
lol!
or maybe not..
dunno..
wad m i feeling actually??
a mixture of happiness and sadness..
n a tincy wincy bit of hatred..
argh..
i jux wan everything to be normal for now..
exam comes first rite??

still..
feeling pressure bt no actions to be seen yet..
FAIL!

anyway..
6p finally reach lvl 50..
my luck??
gratz to myself..
lol!

22/10 - 26/10

16/10 - 21/10

Sun:
after annual dinner rly tired oo..
tuition oso din go @@

whole afternoon oso sleeping..
until nite only wake up @@

Mon:
went to school..
things as usual..
bt timetable changed..
omg..
bm for 5 periods..
@@

den bio @@
rly lol..
nite..
dunno y..
i like the glowing stick very much..
dunno y it brought me lots of happiness n gud luck..
many impossible things happened!
which made me happier..

Tues:
din go to school @@
ntg much to say..

Wed:
went to school for raptai..
bla bla bla..
dose ppl rly lol..
den we r forced to wear unit beruniform geh uniform @@
yes..
forced..
since i dun hav any..
hav to borrow..
since cant suitable pants for KRS..
so choose PBSM geh..

den after recess..
ntg to do @@
lol~!
watching u dat way rly makes me @@

go bek den wash d clothes..
omg..
d clothes so thin only..
imagine if im wearing it n it rains..
omg..
SEXAY~
haha..
lol la..

Thurs:
well..
my luck seems to be gone..
den only i notice d glowing stick starts to leak..
d liquid in it flows out @@
well..
abit sad abt it..
superstitious??
or totally coincidence??
i rly wonder..
ever since i notice dat..
my life becam moody agn..
dose ppl bcame deir old self agn..
once agn im ignored..

well..
in school..
2nd raptai..
even i found u..
i still felt ignored..
as if im annoying u or sumthin..

den played with a couple of juniors..
chat v dem la..
i like bullying..
haha..
go bek class..
ntg much to do but gossip!
for once i felt dat i have a bond with every classmates..
luv dem~
haha

well..
ntg much after dat..
jux tuition n bla bla bla..
i finally gt access!!!
weee~~

Fri:
Hari Koko..
wore my PBSM suit @@
wow..
i look white @@
haha..
quite satisfied with dat look actually~
haha..
mcm abit perasan oo..
d performance quite okay..

den ntg much..
actually im waiting all day long..
bt yet..
it was only jux my thoughts..
u will nvr find me 1st rite??
yes..
deep down..
it hurts too..
weirdly i shud say..
bt yes..
cuz i felt dat our frenship is nt valued..
all d things dat i've done has gone in vain..
u dont care..

i tried my best nt to think abt it..
so..
i choose to play with my phone..
no matter how boring d game is..
i jux focus on it..
i dun wanna think..
even while walking to go for food..
i dare nt put down my phone..
cuz im afraid i will think of lots of things..
den when eating..
my phone is taken away..
well..
dose things jux came in my mind agn..
argh..
my eyes r starting to gt wet..
i dare nt lift up my head..
bt luckily i managed to hide it thru..
no1 knows anyway..

the other things r as usual..
bt i knew 1 more thing between the others..
haiz..

rite now..
i rly hope i can hav a good memory b4 i leave this place..
at least i can hav good memories v me..

frenship..
i think i cared too much..
i nvr learn..
nvr at all..
putting everything in 1 frenship only leads to disappointment..
im rly trying my best to let go..
to at least..
jux..
nt care so much la..

from now on..
i'll jux stop finding u ppl la...
bt honestly..
i still hope for ur text msg..
which is a miracle..
i nid some time..

is time to leave this sh!tty thingy..
too gay to be true.. @@

I wan a NEW ME!!

15/10

Sat:

today is a special day..
skip d morning part..
cuz everything i about the NIGHT!
Prefects' Annual Dinner 2011..
a day many prefects are waiting for..

well..
went there will a 'new hairstyle'..
many say i look different..
thanks for the compliment too! XD

a lot of ppl dere oso lengzai lenglui..
some sexay n hot~
sizzling~
hahaha!

den ntg much..
w8 w8 w8..
EAT!
actually i ate nt much la..
funny thing is..
whenever i drink my cup of orange juice..
den surely mention my name..
ask me do sumthin..

d lamb hor..
nt bad la..
bt 1 thing..
susah nak makan..
rly wan knife @@
bt dun hav..
lol..

1st le..
watch deir performance..
quite funny~
nice~

( dun blame me if i 4gt d sequence)

now sumthin FUNNY happened..
when im drinking orange juice agn..
i was called to do a SHUFFLE!
I was like wad??!
im nt so pro in dancing..
n i din prepare a thing at all..
how can i @@?
bt try my best la..
haha..
at last..
oso 'dance' a lil..
mcm very fish xia..
bt i guess d spotlight of d dance wont be on me anyway..
cuz as usual..
im nt d sporting 1..
...
it'll always be d same..

den games..
well..
d 1st game is abit funny..
i gt carried by chan hong..
haha..
luckily im nt heavy..
den we hav to pop d balloons..
din win..

den d next is blow pingpong..
very funny xia..
den suddenly..
when i drink ORANGE JUICE AGN..
i kena choose lagi..
haha..

den we were given some prizes..
d f5 ppl..
wow..
i gt a mouse..
jux wad i nided..
haha..
u all read my mind^^

den gt prize for d best costume or sumthin lik dat..
wow!
i gt agn!
thx ppl!!
haha~!!
LOVE IT!!
n d girl is sook fen~
luck or fate??
rly funny la..

den dunno y suddenly gt dance..
many ppl went out..
haha..
at 1st dance v sook fen..
zd..
den waihong..
yauz..
lol..
getting funnier n funnier~
bt u noe..
my mind is only thinking of u..
i hope u were dere..
if only..
if..

den d lucky draws..
rly gan jiong sgt..
den suddenly..
8001!
i screamed!
cuz im getting a female's watch @@
GUESS my mom is gonna use it instead of me..
lucky mom~

n d slideshow..
haha..
many from my album 1!
all so familiar..
bt rly nice memories..
thx~
i noe dat feeling when every1 awwed at ur masterpiece..
dat feeling is indescribable..

den still gt wad..
d lucky draw for d grand prize took a long time..
in d end..
xh gt it..
his family all very lucky 1@@
dunno y..
haha..

anyway..
nid to thx pn lee..
dat actually sponsored a total of RM 500..
wow..

sudden emoness came to me..
jealousy struck my mind..
when i see u 2..
my brain will go... @@
i tried to let go..
to act lik ntg is wrong..
well.
i did..
bt den d 2nd thing gt me down..
dis time i cant act..
is funny dat..
every1 i wan to be with..
will be bz with OTHER PPL..
instead of interfering..
i choose to leave..
be alone at a side..
i dun rly mind..
actually i do..
bt..
being alone makes me more comfortable..
as i dun hav to act..
bt dere were some ppl who kept on acc-ing me..
thx~

i kinda amaze myself..
i can smile now..
den jux turn face..
bek to emo..
or from emo..
when ppl call..
str8 away a smile..
bt i dun think any1 noe i was moody dat time..
or dey does??

anyway..
dis night is nice..
shudn't ruin it with my mood..
indeed i enjoyed dat..
thx to all who contributed..
i had a nice night~

well..
sry to some ppl..
i din take pic v u all..
cuz im abit shy..
hahahahaha..
next time if gt chance la~
XD

11/10 - 14/10

Tues:
ntg much happened..
suddenly say dat we nid to help f4 a lil for d annual dinner..
den after school..
prepare jor..
den go KFC discuss with dem..
KFC ate 1 meal..
siawwei sent us to tuition after dat..
wow @@

den during tuition..
sumthin annoys me..
d chicken oil smell on my shirt n body..
it's all KFC's fault!
XD

Wed:
mostly half d time oso doing annual dinner things..
d cards..
den 1st time saw d Mr. Cheli..
seems nice..
den after that..
bek home..
den dey decide go d hotel check xia..
den go shuyuan hse take money..
den go dere..
after finiz jor..
go brem mall cakap cakap..
den balik rumah..
omg..
tired nya..

Thurs:
ntg much..
whole day in class..
unbelievable..
XD
sumthin kinda annoys me..
bt fine..
gt over it dy..

Fri:
whole day no enter class..
many absent oso..
haha..
whole day help settle d things..
lots n lots of money to count..
syok nya..
now close eyes oso can c stacks of money..
XD

den sumhw i felt very happy today..
it's like MY MOMENT!

after school..
go Carrefour..
with yan n siaw wei..
very funny xia..
buy lots of thing..
very funny..
while w8ing for pn lee to call..
we sat on d floor..
d salesgirl laugh at us..
aha..
den we decided to buy..
she keep joking..
total LOL..

den go home..
1st time in my life..
shopping till so crazy..
wan buy wad den buy wad..
rly weird d feeling..
bt syok..
damn tired la wei..

den ntg much..
sleepy..


well..
trying to change myself..
to nt gt bothered by small matters..
lil actions of urs aint gonna make me miserable anymore..
cuz my life will be better in the end..
no matter wad happen..
think of d positive thing..
try to hav a new motto..
bt then..
my stomach keep hurting lately..
argh..
hope it will be better soon..

I bliv everything will change 1 day..
XD

7/10 - 10/10

Fri:
another no school day..
bt oso a bz nite..
start to feel fed-up with the friday life..
busy busy busy..

well..
bt 2day is different..
something happened..
a close incident..
or accident..
in other words..
i nearly gt knocked by a car..
well..
d car haven n i was walking pass it..
den when im nearly in front..
d car starts to move..
instead of stopping..
i walked faster..
y??
i dunno..
dat was jux a sudden choice..
'reflex action'?
after dat i started to feel weird..
y din i stop..
i nearly gt knocked man..
bt in my thoughts..
wad if i gt knocked..

wad will happen..
i couldn't focus at all in my organ class..
keep making mistakes..

what if....

Sat:
ntg much..
tuition as usual..
a very hungry day..

Sun:
after tuition.
starts to wonder what to wear on saturday..
damn..
i think i dun hav any thing..
den since family wan eat Kim Gary..
so went the curve..
gt chance buy shirt too!
went there..
i was lik WOW..
d main prob is i dun rmb going dere b4..
maybe once or twice..
bt i dun rmb how was it..
since it has been a long time..

walk for quite long..
bt in the end..
ntg..
bt my mom bought a few things@@

sumhw..
for sum1 who dun lik to go for shopping..
I suddenly dun feel lik going bek home..
even though my legs r damn tired..
bt i feel very comfortable with the environment..
i feel lik jux sit dere forever..
bt if dere's a nice view..
it wud be better..

from the way of speech..
i noe it's impossible between us..
bt then i jux cant stop myself from doing sumthin stupid..

at night..
a nice view agn..
dere's a halo like thingy around d moon..
it makes d sky look perfect..
i hope d moment last forever..
cuz sum things can nvr be captured down even with a camera..
it is jux nt d same..

Mon:
2day is an emotional day..
i dunno how to say it..
early in the morning..
gt shocked by seetho's new hair style @@
WOW..

bt then early in the morning..
i hav to gt pissed..
ppl sure lik to annoy me..
fine..
jux tolerate..
bt things gt worse later..
my stomach starts to ache..
n my nose starts to 'run'??

bt then..
dis doesnt make things as worse as the other things dat happened..
y is everything so unfair..
every1 is d same..
bt some ppl wil jux gt more privilege..
wad makes dose ppl different??
in fact..
some ppl may be whole lot better..
bt y we gt different treatments??

well..
even though im very sensitive n emotional..
not to mention str8 forward..
bt im quite impressed by myself..
i can rly act in front of teachers..
no matter how angry i m..
or how sad..
depressed??
annoyed..
i can act lik ntg happen..

until i walk away...
i might break down n cry..

like today..
i suddenly jux cant control my emotions..
well..
i prefer to be silent for sum times..
cuz by then..
i might 4gt abt it..
bt sumtimes i choose to say it out..
cuz i cant stand d way u act!

y is everything so unfair??
y do u gt everything bt i dont??
wad hav u done which i have not??
im sick of it man!

argh!!
i hate myself a lot..
i noe dere's a part of me dat dun nid any1 in life..
bt i jux cant find out dat part of me..
i oways hope to hav sum1 with me when i nided..
for dat..
i did a lot of stupid things..
which humiliated myself too..
jux bcuz i wan sum1 to suppport me..
well..
dat's stupid..

i rly hope dat these things will change 1 day..
i wanna be sum1 who's ignorant enuf to live alone..
still standing strong even dere's no1 around me..
being happy even my frens start to ignore me..
bt can i do it??

Well..
i hav to apologize to sum ppl..
dat actually cared..
bt i unintentionally scolded..
well..
sumtimes i jux cant control my emotions..
dat's y i choose to 'sleep'..
bt d truth is..
i aint rly sleeping..
is jux dat my tears r falling n i dun wan ppl to see it..
so pls dun disturb me..
if im rly sleeping..
i wud wake up already n hit u==!

1 more month to go..

4/10 - 6/10

Tues:

went to school..
surprisingly..
saw waihong dere..
coming to help..

den ntg much..
do physics..
chemistry..
add math..
bio..
den we call it a day..
well..
d bio module is rly thick..
den ntg much..


Wed:

another usual day..


Thurs:

morning saw sumthin on fb..
Steven Jobs is dead..
kinda shocking..
bt ppl hav to move on..
R.I.P.

dis morning..
intended to go to school..
bt then..
stomach ache agn..
end up din go..

den afternoon went to renew passport..
quite fast..
long time dy...

den i knew abt sumthin..
which gt me abit moody..
which i dun rly understand..
y do u hav to be dis way..
cant u jux let go??

den tuition..
shukoon n i exchanged seats..
den he started to act lik me..
indeed a lot of my actions i normally do..
bt i started to understand..
i hav totally 4gt how i used to be like..
i dunno wad im doing now..
ive been doing things dat's so wrong..
i kinda realized dat i dunno who i rly am..

who m i..
wad i rly m..
i noe i've been a jerk..
i've did a lot of things dat hurt a lot of ppl..
when will i start to be mature??
right now..
if given a chance..
i wish im nvr born..
i hate myself terribly..
i thought i was d best..
i almost gud in everything..
the fact is..
im nt..
im ntg at all..
jux a scum..

rite now..
i jux dun wan to live anymore..
im sorry..

perhaps it wud be better if u all nvr met me b4..

2/10 - 3/10

"I surrender"

Sun:

ntg happened..
night mahjong..
still d mood..
nvr better..


Mon:

morning go wangsa maju renew passport..
bt haiz..
waste time only..
counter close..
technical prob..
so hav to go another day..
waste my time a!!!
plus..
d road very bumpy..
make dou me dizzy dy..

den after dat take passport pic..
saw a doggy!
so cute..
1st time c my bro so funny..
doing funny faces n actions..
lol!
cute-nya..
d dog..
XD

den ntg much..
finally finiz my terrible-taste medicine..
1 week..
1 torturing week!
finally over..
jux hope i can say dat for my problem..

lately i kept dreaming..
literally..
dreaming abt things dat will nvr happen anymore..
keep dreaming bout happy things..
which only makes me sad..
cuz is jux a dream..
i tried everything..
to make things better..
bt i dun think dat work well as planned..
i dun wanna lose any of u..
bt..
i cant do a thing..

well..
i noe for now..
dere's ntg i can do..
d more i do..
d worse it will be..

as promised myself..
once i changed d pic of my fb..
i shud oso change my attitude in stuff..
be a new person??

now dere's a conflict..
i feel lik leaving dis place..
bt i noe i will miss it..
i will miss dis place..
d ppl here..
all d memories here..

i rly wanna hav a nice memory here in dis place..
i rly hope dat all problems will be solved by the time i rly graduate..
i wanna leave v good memories..
since we may nt meet agn next time..
we hav only 1 more month to interact..
im afraid i dunno how to react on d laz day we will meet..

to those dat has been by my side..
thanks a lot..
to those who has moved on..
jux to say..
i will still be dere if u nid me..
jux speak out..

i still prefer d old me..

1/10

Sat:

"The Truth"

cant rly sleep well..
keep waking up every hour..

well..
today's a lil awkward..
while tuition..
i dun feel bored or sleepy at all..
in fact..
studying is quite fun..

hours of tuition jux passed..

well..
the truth..
1 thing every1 wish to know..
bt once we know it..
we will hope that we dont know it at all..
dis is wad humans r like..

to some1..
jux to tell u..
if i dun k abt u at all..
i wun even wanna mention anything here..
i can jux ignore u lik every1 else..
bt instead..
i din..
i intended to apologize once more..
since maybe b4 dis wasn't too sincere enuf..
bt..
i guess u wun nid it anymore..
jux to tell u..
d feeling u hav now..
i had it b4.
bt mine turn out bad..
so i hope u wun hav d same..
bt ppl nvr learn when dey nvr fall..
jux b careful..
ppl may nt seem to be wad we want..

life is rough..
u nvr noe wad will happen next..
dun run on slippery floor..
or else u will fall easily..
take k..

some2..
well..
thx for acc-ing me all dese times..
even though sumtimes we argue..
bt..
i've learned to bear with it..
n try to change..
well..
as for wad u said laz nite.
i dunno wad to say abt it..
thanks??
sorry??
all i can say is..
dun waste too much time on worthless things la..
n i rly tried my best to help...
hope dey helped..

some 3..
thanks to u..
i felt a lil better chattin v ya..
u showed me many funny things oso..
haha..
well..
thx anywy..

some4..
d reason y i asked u for opinion abt me..
is bcuz i dun wan u to feel dat im annoying or sumthin..
well..
i may nvr noe wad u truly feel..
so..
if u nvr speak out..
i will nvr noe..
bt at last..
u speak out..

d reason i find u often is cuz i felt comfortable speaking to u..
talking about my problems..
or other things..
bt..
maybe to u is different..

well..
is gud to noe d truth..
i noe i may be a lil annoying..
even sumtimes i felt dat way..
bt is courageous of u to say dat..
n since u've said dat..
i think i noe wad im supposed to do..
i wun find u so often..
perhaps u will be happier without me..


every1 wants to noe d truth..
bt d truth is ugly..
it will only break sum1's heart..
(good conditions excluded)

as for me..
i think I've written everything i felt here in this blog..
reasons..
bcuz i wan ppl to know how i truly feel..
wad i lik..
wad i dislike..
ppl may say dat im courageous..
cuz ppl may hate me cuz of dat..
bt..
if our friendship cant pass thru dis simple obstacle..
imagine if dere's a bigger problem..
it will be worse..
only if both tolerates..
d bond will be stronger..
im ready to tolerate..
bt r u??
Is a risk..
bt I'm willing to take..
i dun wanna act all d way thru..
or else if a quarrel happens..
everything will be far worse..


i think im a great actor..
no1 sees the problem from d outside..
ppl may think im cheerful..
or happy..
bt actually im nt..
obviously..

i wanted to act lik im strong..
dun care abt everything at all..
bt deep down..
i mind..
i mind every single bit abt it..
is jux dat u dunno..

in fact..
i dun hate any1 now..
i jux hate myself..
for being overreacted..
i admit for being wrong sumtimes..

im an actor..
in front of u..
i may look happy n all..
bt deep down..
im nt..
jux in split sec.
i can totally change my emo.

im a liar too..
i keep lying to myself..
everything is alright..
when everything is nt right at all..

i admit..
i hav a gud life..
is jux dat i haven appreciate it all yet..
cherish every1 around u..
u may nt noe when u nid dem 1 day..

it's d 1st day of Oct..
n yet..
life is still d same..
i shud change..
im nt suitable in playing mind war games..
i cant take d challenge..
im oways d softhearted 1..

hav u ever felt dat..
u wanna leave this school str8 away??
well..
i do..
nt surprising..
bt sumtimes..
when i think dat..
i may nt hav d chance to meet u guys anymore..
i will feel kinda sad..
u may say dat we can come out n meet..
bt how many ppl will actually do dat..
sumhw..
i dun feel lik leaving too..
conflicts..

U'll nvr noe how mch im hurt..
never..
nt even i've told u..