7/10 - 10/10

Fri:
another no school day..
bt oso a bz nite..
start to feel fed-up with the friday life..
busy busy busy..

well..
bt 2day is different..
something happened..
a close incident..
or accident..
in other words..
i nearly gt knocked by a car..
well..
d car haven n i was walking pass it..
den when im nearly in front..
d car starts to move..
instead of stopping..
i walked faster..
y??
i dunno..
dat was jux a sudden choice..
'reflex action'?
after dat i started to feel weird..
y din i stop..
i nearly gt knocked man..
bt in my thoughts..
wad if i gt knocked..

wad will happen..
i couldn't focus at all in my organ class..
keep making mistakes..

what if....

Sat:
ntg much..
tuition as usual..
a very hungry day..

Sun:
after tuition.
starts to wonder what to wear on saturday..
damn..
i think i dun hav any thing..
den since family wan eat Kim Gary..
so went the curve..
gt chance buy shirt too!
went there..
i was lik WOW..
d main prob is i dun rmb going dere b4..
maybe once or twice..
bt i dun rmb how was it..
since it has been a long time..

walk for quite long..
bt in the end..
ntg..
bt my mom bought a few things@@

sumhw..
for sum1 who dun lik to go for shopping..
I suddenly dun feel lik going bek home..
even though my legs r damn tired..
bt i feel very comfortable with the environment..
i feel lik jux sit dere forever..
bt if dere's a nice view..
it wud be better..

from the way of speech..
i noe it's impossible between us..
bt then i jux cant stop myself from doing sumthin stupid..

at night..
a nice view agn..
dere's a halo like thingy around d moon..
it makes d sky look perfect..
i hope d moment last forever..
cuz sum things can nvr be captured down even with a camera..
it is jux nt d same..

Mon:
2day is an emotional day..
i dunno how to say it..
early in the morning..
gt shocked by seetho's new hair style @@
WOW..

bt then early in the morning..
i hav to gt pissed..
ppl sure lik to annoy me..
fine..
jux tolerate..
bt things gt worse later..
my stomach starts to ache..
n my nose starts to 'run'??

bt then..
dis doesnt make things as worse as the other things dat happened..
y is everything so unfair..
every1 is d same..
bt some ppl wil jux gt more privilege..
wad makes dose ppl different??
in fact..
some ppl may be whole lot better..
bt y we gt different treatments??

well..
even though im very sensitive n emotional..
not to mention str8 forward..
bt im quite impressed by myself..
i can rly act in front of teachers..
no matter how angry i m..
or how sad..
depressed??
annoyed..
i can act lik ntg happen..

until i walk away...
i might break down n cry..

like today..
i suddenly jux cant control my emotions..
well..
i prefer to be silent for sum times..
cuz by then..
i might 4gt abt it..
bt sumtimes i choose to say it out..
cuz i cant stand d way u act!

y is everything so unfair??
y do u gt everything bt i dont??
wad hav u done which i have not??
im sick of it man!

argh!!
i hate myself a lot..
i noe dere's a part of me dat dun nid any1 in life..
bt i jux cant find out dat part of me..
i oways hope to hav sum1 with me when i nided..
for dat..
i did a lot of stupid things..
which humiliated myself too..
jux bcuz i wan sum1 to suppport me..
well..
dat's stupid..

i rly hope dat these things will change 1 day..
i wanna be sum1 who's ignorant enuf to live alone..
still standing strong even dere's no1 around me..
being happy even my frens start to ignore me..
bt can i do it??

Well..
i hav to apologize to sum ppl..
dat actually cared..
bt i unintentionally scolded..
well..
sumtimes i jux cant control my emotions..
dat's y i choose to 'sleep'..
bt d truth is..
i aint rly sleeping..
is jux dat my tears r falling n i dun wan ppl to see it..
so pls dun disturb me..
if im rly sleeping..
i wud wake up already n hit u==!

1 more month to go..