27/12 - 31/12

Tues/Wed:
nothing much happened..

Thurs:
went out discuss things at jusco..
bought 2 piece of cakes for minghui as bday present..
haha..
which was days ago....
days days days ago..
or maybe weeks..
haha..
bt i nvr tried secret recipe b4..
jux simply choose..
hope it's nice..
come to think of it..
i dun think i owe any1 present now XD
in fact..
u guys still owe me!!!!!
rawr!!~!

after bek home..
went for supper..
on the way bek..
saw a tragedy..
a puppy got knocked down by a car..
d parent kept barking at d cars dat passed by..
it's sad to see dat..

Fri:
early in the morning wake up..
go sogo shopping..
keep looking for my clothes..
end up bought a few nt bad de..
2 Tees..
1 shirt..
ohya..
suddenly feel dat wan to buy underwear oso susah..
dunno which to choose..
hahahahaha~ XD
which makes me think dat everything in life oso difficult de..
haha

Sat:
last day of 2011..
early in the morning received a bad news..
nt too bad actually..
bt now im a grape..
so sad..
hav to look for a job..
sad..

den went for a haircut..
omg..
terribly short..
nt quite wad i expected..
haiz..
den tried to dye it..
argh..
so not obvious...
under bright light den only can c a LITTLE diff..
LITTLE..
which no1 can ever notice..
sad..

lately keep stomachache..
do wad oso no mood..
mom keep scare me with 'colon cancer'..
make me oso abit afraid dy..
lol!

den go dpc..
walked..
walked..
n walked..
dunno wad to say..
met a lot of ppl..
haha..
d fireworks..
rly nice..
to c with my own eyes..
i hope it last forever..
bt wad i hope more..
is dat i can hold u while watching it..
bt..
wad i see today is..
i shud giv up..
if i can..
let it be??
yeah right..
sounds so easy..
bt who actually did it..

sum ppl only disappoint me or annoy me..
bt then..
i muz try to ignore dose ppl..
since..
i aint gonna c dem often anymore..
moreover..
i might not c dem anymore!
hahahahaha~!
thank god! XD
u have ur ways..
i have mine too!
hahahahaha~
sounds evil~

nah~
i jux wanna live a happy life while i still can..
at least..
while i still hav d chance..


2012~
new year..
i nid a new life!
hahaha~
BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT!

16/12 - 26/12

long time no post agn..
kinda 4gt wad happened..

Fri:
i guess finding sum1 for advice or comfort..
ends up getting hurt only de la..
bt luckily managed to find sum1 who can rly share stuff with..
n quite similar to me..
wahaha..
quite nice talking to em..
thx for dd nite~

Sat:
ntg much i guess..
another ordinary day..
planned to go for undang test..
bt haven finiz reading..
omg..
canceled d plan..

Sun:
early in the morning..
go Skytrex..
not rly early..
bt..
haha..
went shah alam..
i think is my 1st time..
3 cars going together..
bt end up..
all going by deir own..
n we reach 1st XD
damn funny la..

den play d skytrex thingy..
omg....
damn tiring..
keep using upper arms n lower arms strength..
den rly feel lik giving up every station..
bt kept moving on..
in the end..
drizzling~
hav to go slowly..
n we managed to reach d pitstop!
weeeeeeeeeeee~
damn relief~

had a nice day..
bt damn tiring..
at night..
my biceps hurt a lot..
went for dinner..
dimsum~
yum..
cant rly use my hands to carry stuff..
even d chopsticks..
haha..
bt ate a dish damn nice..
bacon~
yum yum..
luv dat shop..
damn lot new stuff..
XD

Mon:
ntg much gua..
kept reading undang things..

Tues:
rly whole day reading undang stuff..
500 Q..
until midnight..
damn scare..

Wed:
went for d test..
met sum1 from tuition agn..
bt dis time nt rly close..
so make no eye contact XD
den lucky i went early..
gt no. 015..
jux w8ed a while den my turn..
haha..
wanted to double check bt lazy..
so trusted myself..
luckily passed XD
now hav to w8 L license~
weeee~~~~~~~~

Thurs:
morning follow grandpa go his hse..
cuz wanna make tang yuan~
haha..
when making..
my hands rly..
mcm no energy liddat..
keep dropping stuff @@!
damn..

den PMR candidates r taking deir result..
miss my time..
2 years ago..
24/12..
dose moments..
haha..
all come bek to my mind..
miss it..

suddenly had a dream..
a fren is a serial killer..
scary~
haha

Fri:
ntg much on this day..

Sat:
hoho..
christmas eve..
decided to go i-city v frenz..

what i wore..

dated 5.30..
bt siawwei gt work..
end up 7 sumthin only managed to fetch me..
cy n andy damn geng..
pass d red light in front of 2 police in motorcycle @@!
bt din kena..
wow..
stared in awed..

den we went telok gong for dinner..
nt bad..
bt a lil argument between ppl..
omg..
dunno how handle case lik dis..

den continue journey to i-city..
damn many cars..
d scenery dere nt much wad i expected..
bt nvm~

den went in n ate d cake..

cy bought it! XD
discussing how to eat d cake XD

rly use hand eat!




so sweet~haha XD

dirty cat! XD

after dat den we go in snow world..
since cam put into locker..
den no pics dy..
bt kinda nice..
rly cold~
dose slide..
rly..
knock here n dere..

den cy beh tahan dy..
acc him go out..
den talked a lil..
until dey all come out..
den bye bye~
3 sumthin only reach home..
haha~

Sun:
ntg much whole day..
almost quarreled..
well..
maybe consider quarreled..
sumthin rly hurt me..
once agn..
cried for a fren..
lol much..

dere's 1 thing u dunno about me..
i m str8 forward..
bt 1 thing is i will try my best nt to hurt d others feeling while giving a piece of my mind..
which means..
dere r still things u hav done wrong which i din mention it..
i dun mention it doesnt mean im nt hurt by it..
n u nvr realize a single thing abt it..

is ok..
if d things i've done means nothing to u..
im ok with it now..
cuz i noe im nt guilty with it..
is jux dat ppl dont appreciate it..
ntg can be done..
cuz im nt #1!

no matter wad happens..
fren r still frens..
i apologize cuz i dun wan things to gt any worse..

come to think of it..
dis holiday..
im quite happy..
carefree..
wun be annoyed by wad im usually annoyed of..
maybe im more suitable to live alone==?!
haha..
nvm..

well..
met a fren while playing ddt..
which made me feel lot better..
he/she turn my frown into a smile..
at least i can sleep with a smile..
instead of being sad..
kinda happy though..

Mon:
another ordinary monday~

Parents will always love you the most no matter how!
nothing beats them!

5/12 - 15/12

kinda long time din touch my bloggie dy!
kinda 4gt wad happened @@!

Mon/Tues:
ntg much happened perhaps..
jux kept studying for d coming bc paper..

Wed:
last day of my SPM..
last subject..
wow..
time flies..
sort of hard..
bt when it comes to d essay..
i hav a lot of things in mind..
thinking abt my past few years in dis school..
wrote down a lot of things..

after finish~
WEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~
decided to go for food..
d funny thing is..
dey dated out a few ppl at d last minute..
n funny every made it..
d funniest is mayyi..
str8 went to her hse without even calling at 1st..
end up she can go too!
funny..
den ate at Momo..
kept eating beef slices..
until im finally full den only find noodles..
long time din cook dy..
bt still managed to break d egg using 1 hand..
yay~!



total coincidence..
we met 5I dere..
funny..
a bunch of lil kids celebrating bday over dere..
bt deir singing volume is quite low..
lik dun dare to sing or sumthin.
den all of us sang once they stopped..
bt to minghui of cuz..
quite funny..
bt we left b4 crazier things happen..
fun night~

Thurs:
another ordinary day i guess..
ntg special happened..
bt cant stop thinking of sumthin..

Fri:
went to Malacca~
one day trip actually
totally bad hair day..
so did not take any pics of myself @@!


yes..
d intention to Malacca is this place..
bt in the end..
i bought ntg back==!
once after finishing d street..
went bek home==

stop by at nilai for dinner..

not mine of cuz @@! dun rly like such stuff@@!

ma fav!

bt d attitude of d captain rly@@!
indescribable..
as if he knows everything..
nvm..
jux spend my time fb-ing..
thank god d wi-fi wasn't secure..

b4 going bek home..
went for music class str8 away..
haiz..
y dey all so geng 1..
dunno how train myself..

Sat:
well..
gt waken by mom which was on the phone..
excitedly talking abt d captain v another fren who went dere b4 @@!
it apparently woke d whole family up @@!
funny..
bt then everything else was usual..

at night..
i started tidying up d mess i've made..
omg..
now it's whole lot better!
shud hav taken a pic of b4 n after..
now it's too late..

Sun:
early in the morning woke up..
went to listen undang..
den only i notice cheecheng oso same place @@!

den early in the morning keep finding ppl sms..
cuz dat was damn terrible..
bored...
ppl around me oso slept==!
well..
dere i met a few ppl from tuition..
bt too bad nt close enuf..
bt sat together also..
ntg much to do during d break..
kept walking in circles @@!

finally it ended!!
go bek home~
d van quite nice..
can c dvd...
den d driver played some songs..
MV..
bt i think he doesn't like lady gaga..
other songs he oso finish..
except for bad romance which was played until d half only @@!
n i started humming dat time @@!
LOL!

Mon:
ntg much to do..

bt at night..
on called for an hour..
tried my best..
thought of a lot of things to help..
bt in the end..
my intention failed..
i rly tried my best..
argh..
bt then..
jux no mood to sleep..
kept finding things to eat..
slept quite late..
or 'early'..

Tues:
13/12
happy birthday TS!

same..
ntg much..
bt sleeping quite late as well..

Wed:
worse==!
in the middle of the night..
go yam cha v kkm n linda..
keng d things oso quite @@!
bek home dy try to sleep oso cant..
end up whole night din sleep till thursday @@!
24 hours==!

Thurs:
2day quite special @@!
bro brought me to a japanese buffet restaurant..
my 1st time..

dis fish nt bad xia XD

n dis chicken rly nice!
cuz too full dy..
only managed to eat dis!

for sum1 who seldom/never eat sushi..
i kinda <3 it!
haha~

bt d ending was torturing..
bro n I rly tired dy @@!
bt dad drove d car away..
forced to w8 dere==!
n we were damn full..
cant order dy..
jux w8~
den bek home..
SLEPT!!!!

quite nice exp anyway..
lately i jux wan FOOD!!!


posted a few pics hope dat it wont be so dull next time..
XD

ppl..
stop bringing me down..
if u r here to giv me support..
WELCOME!
if u r here to jux make me feel annoyed n bad..
pls gt away..

trying my best to make myself happy n live my life! =D

26/11 - 4/12

Sat:
another ordinary day without tuition~
getting lamer n lamer..
bt nvm..

Sun:
sumthin bad happened to me..
no1 knew..
wanted to find sum1 to talk to..
bt..
is either i cant tell them or dey dun reply..
in the end..
dere's no1 i can talk to..

Mon:
trying my best to study for chemitry..
still..
i was waiting for a message..
bt yet..
no reply..

Tues:
chemistry..
well.
at 1st it was okay..
paper 1 paper 2..
all normal..
all can be answered nicely..
bt paper 3..
rly..
made me whole day no mood agn..
once agn probably lost a total of 17 marks..
i think @@!
d 2nd paper 3 i 'failed'..

d worse part is..
after seeing u..
many thoughts came into my mind..
even during exam i still think abt it..
i was lik wtf???!
y m i thinkin such things at d time lik dis..
maybe dis is y i gt distracted during my p3..

rly shit..
rly scare for my bio paper 3..

Wed:
bio..
i spent whole night studying it..
rly..
only slept for 1 hour 30 minutes..
crazy..
bt i knew a lot more compared to last time..

den exam..
consider a lot better..
d best part is..
at least paper 3 ntg much..
everything went quite well..
after exam..
whole class stayed bek a while..
took pics..
had a lil fun~
as if d whole school is ours..

whole day din nap..
at night sleep quite late..
omg..

Thurs:
woke up abit late..
cuz received a msg..
omg..
2 sumthin..
den gt invited to watch na xie nian at 1U..
since quite interested..
ma go lo..
who knows..
gt caught..
damn..
dey ask us change movie..
den we had chosen twilight..
not bad..

Fri:
once agn..
go out..
wanted to watch na xie nian..
den went dere..
d ticket seller ask us whether r we 18..
all stunt..
siaw wei took out driver license..
den she ok dy..
thank god..
bt....
no more seats left..
rly shit..
den we thought KLCC gt..
go dere..
no more..
den watch petaling..
went in..
sum1 sat at our seats..
den dey took out deir tickets..
lol..
rly same no.
look at d details..
ours is sunday..
den we were lik wad??
go complain..
den end up we sit d highest seat..
1st time~
nice! XD

still..
havent watch na xie nian..

at nite rly..
sumthing made me @@
always sumthin dat i wudnt wanna c..
tired of it..
seriously..

Sat:
rly funny saturday..
ntg to do at home..
suddenly gt msg pop up..
wan go fly kite??
lol!

den go lo..
traffic jam..
rly @@!
siawwei's lil bro sit in front of me in d front seat..
long time no c such small person dy..
so cute!
haha..

den reach dere..
fly xia kite~
my 1st time..
n i managed to fly quite high..
at least im satisfy..
nice experience..
bt soon..
rain..
every1 went bek agn..

bek home..
saw sum1 post abt na xie nian..
omg..
maybe gt abit diff v d 1 in cinema..
bt at least better than ntg..
can watch also..
haha!
damn funny..
nice experience!

Sun:
ntg much..
another ordinary day..
bt...
emotionally..
im kinda sad..
maybe disappointed is d word??
it seems like im troublesome to every1..
almost every1 thinks im bothering them when i jux wanna find dem to chat..
bt dis time..
i 'heard' sumthin dat i dun lik to hear at all..
u noe..
suddenly i think dat all i've done is nvr appreciated..
i've been saving a lot of copies of my project in my com..
scanning dem into d com b4 handing in..
reason..
jux for ur reference..
cuz i rmbed..
every time i do a project..
i hope i can have a reference as guidance..
so i hope i can help u next time..
bt it seems to me..
im jux wasting my time..
u nvr noe..
how much i've done..

n all i've gt is such a thing..
call me sensitive..
i admit dat..
cuz i nvr thought wad i've done will gt such thing in return..

u nvr noe..
how much it meant to me when u all made a promise..
u nvr noe..
how much i wanted it to happen..
u nvr noe..
how long i've waited n still waiting for sum1 to celebrate with me..
u nvr noe..

19/11 - 25/11

Sat/Sun:
ordinary days..
no tuition..
for once??
normal weekends like an ordinary kid..
bt exam..
so nt so ordinary after all..
bt sumhw i feel my throat hurts..
nt throat rly.
jux 1 side..
even hurts when i wnna talk..

Mon:
moral..
memorized all nilai..
everything..
jux afraid dat i choose a wrong 1 or wad..
other than dat..
A OK~

every1 is so obsessed with d football match..
n yet..
im watching hk dramas..
when every1 is screaming..
shouting..
cheering..
perhaps im nt dat patriotic after all..

n i wonder..
y do dey hav to make demselves to look like a fool??
so spoil deir own country's reputation??
wad a disgrace..
u will only make ppl from other countries think dat u guys r neanderthals!
doing barbaric things aint helping in development of country PPL!!
think before u do!
well..
saying so much..
bt ntg to do with me oso==
ish..

Tues:
no exam..
holiday..
ppl sure like to call me when i cant talk..
==
went to c d doc..
it was nt a sore throat..
it was an ulcer..
a BIG 1..
under my tongue..
which caused me to stop talking for days..
especially my dad..
urgh...

Wed:
add math..
well..
is nt dat i dunno how to do..
bt im scared..
im scared of careless mistakes..
cuz during my exercises..
i often do alot..
..
1 thing for sure..
I HATE PROBABILITY!!!!!
bt yet..
i luv normal distribution..
sumthin almost d same..
bt..
nvm..
past..

Thurs:
physics..
among d science subjects..
physics will be my best..
bt yet..
d paper..
P1 is kinda challenging..
P2 quite okay..
at least noe how to do..
bt p3 very very terrible..
i think i lost mark in d whole section..

bek home..
i hav terribly no mood..
dun feel lik talking at all..
y can i do such stupid things??
i rly hate myself..
y...

Fri:
felt lot better??
nt sure..
i was over of d physics issue..
cuz dat's a fact i did such stupid mistakes..
bt sumthin came in my mind..
for d past few years..
i think I've changed a lot..
some i din even notice..
bt i rmb..
i was once a selfish lil boy when i was in primary school..
bt in 2ndary school..
i started dun mind borrowing ppl money..
or treating others sumthins..
even is nt much..
maybe my parents became my role model..
slowly i became a lil 'generous'..
bt nt for long..
soon..
i noticed dat all i did was for ntg..
some of dem proved to me dat i was being stupid..
cuz nobody appreciates dem..
sumhw..
i've became selfish agn..
cuz honestly..
it's sad to see dat wad given is nt appreciated..

likewise..
im tired to be wad i m nw..
if u notice..
i was always dere to listen..
if u needed..
n i will try my best to help..
bt..
when im troubled..
i rly hope to find sum1 to talk to..
bt..
i dunno who i can talk to..
i jux feel ignored every time..
i rly hope dat i can meet sum1 dat i can rly rely on..
bt guess not..
im oways nt d 'priority'..
n i cant change dis fact..
i noe dere's always a #1 fren in every1's heart..
bt i guess im nt in any1's heart..
nt dat i know it..

perhaps..
i have to stop..
stop caring abt d other ppl's thing..
nt dat dey nid me anyway..
n i hav to stop blabbering my problems to other ppl..
cuz..
i noe no1 wans to hear dem..
bt do u noe d feeling when u wan to talk to ppl..
n u cant find any??
im sure alot of u felt d same..
maybe im making it a big issue abt it..
where it's jux a small problem to d others..

honestly..
im tired..
of my current "way of living"..
perhaps i nid to change..
or i shud say..
i shud care abt myself..
more than how i care abt others..
ppl come and ppl goes..
sometimes we jux have to say goodbyes..
even though how much i hated them..

sumtimes..
letting go..
or putting down..
aint dat bad after all..
n finally..
I'm accepting cakes agn..
dunno how many months since i ate my laz cake..
indescribable feelings..
bt i dun rly crave for cakes oso..
so ntg much actually..

i jux wanna be free~
i jux wanna be me!

anyway..
thx ppl~
for appearing in my life..
showing me dis n dat..
tell me wad life is rly about..
bt..
maybe i wont be d same person i used to be..
i'll try to be a person i shud i hav been long ago..
nice knowing you ppl..

sry if dis post offended any1..
if it din..
dat's great then..

it's 4 sumthin now..
i think i typed dis for hours..
thinking of wad to rite..
bt end up..
i jux wanna be str8 forward..
...
maybe ppl will hate me for dis..
bt im going to take dis risk..

-to be continued-

12/11 - 18/11

Sat:
erm..
ntg much dis day..

Sun:
tuition~
omg.. damn nervous for exam d next day..
while studying will suddenly omg@@!!
den mark belanja makan KFC..
wow!!
i rly wanna lay my fingers on it!!
bt..
cuz of my health..
forced to tahan..
c dou dey all eat dao so shuang..
so san fu!!
bt suan la..
only can smell it~

Mon:
SPM finally arrived!!
w8ed for years..
scared of dis for years..

exam paper 1..
omg..
open paper..
pray~~
thank god i read abt d things!!
managed to write abt it!
8 paragraph..
for the 1st time..
write so long~
wee~~~

den w8 for hours..
until 2 sumthin..
den paper 2..
omg..
some quite ok..
at least noe how do..
novel only nid character n persoalan..
bina ayat..
WTH is CEPUMAS?????
haha..
bt ok la..
at least wun feel too hard..
XD

Tues:
english..
oso very nervous..

paper 1..
essays..
mcm nt enuf time ei..
a famous person that you admire..
i rly felt like writing about Taylor Swift!
bt think think xia..
abit not practical lo @@!
plus..
dunno managed to write so long anot..
so chosen to write another 1..
Best things in life are free~
write dao abit..
mcm..
erm..
aherm..
especially d love section..
rly @@!

den paper 2..
kinda lazy to write so many words..
haiz..

Wed:
SEJARAH!!!
omg..
rly..
keep reading reading reading..
paper 1 selamat..
i expect wrong around 10..
bt around 5 only..
thank god..

den paper 2..
rly funny..
at 1st rly scared about it..
den when i look thru d questions..
omg??
y so funny 1..
did i take d right paper??
i think mcm moral more lo@@!
cuz almost more than half d paper oso kbkk 1..
even name of d national anthem oso ask @@!
rly thank god lo!!
hope no nid retake or wad la...

Thurs:
mathematics~
well..
mcm abit too proud..
langsung dun feel lik studying..
bt hor..
dat make things worse..
im scared dy..
y m i nt reading..
den quickly find sumthin to read..
den only i realize i hav 1 book from my brother which is not done b4..
nt even 1 page..
LOL!
any1 interested..

after d exam..
all i can say is..
i hate probability..
no comments on it..
damn scare gt silly careless mistake..

actually u noe..
my heart hurts too..
perhaps u dun c it..
bt i rly hope to be there..
for u..
bt i guess..
im nt necessary..
jux walk away..
at least i noe u will be ok..

at nite..
1st time chat v sum1 till so @@!
ST a!!!!
thx for telling me ur BIGGEST secret...
I'm oso shocked..
bt im very pleased that you trusted me!
n i think we have sumthin in common..
haha..
which is nt rly a gud thing..
bt who cares!
hahahaha~

Fri:
no exam..
jux lik dat~
happy anniversary~!!!
went the curve to celebrate..
sort of..
jux eat n walk only actually..


sumtimes..
i will rmb everything dat happened in the past..
wad kind of person i was bek den..
wad kind person my friends were dat time..
den i will compare it with d present..
i will wonder..
wad kinf of person m i actually..
im lost..
bt i guess i'll figure out next time..
gonna focus for spm now..

thx for every1's wishes..
especially dose sincere 1..
i rly luv it!
wahhahaa

7/11 - 11/11

Mon:
Holiday..
went to a temple near Petaling street..
mood jux swings..
ntg to say..
whole day mcm no mood..
afternoon slept whole day..

Tues:
2day gt a shocking news..
a terrible 1..
1 dat i've nvr thought b4..
it is nt d 1st case..
bt dis is d 1st case that is close to me..
d kind of feeling is indescribable..
memories flashes back..

jux knew dat a fren of mine passed away..
d kind of feeling..
i couldn't rly control my emotions..
luckily no1 was at home..
i can jux cry..
d kind of feeling..

sum frens asked me to go to her funeral..
my 1st thought..
shud i??
cuz I'm rly afraid..
I'm afraid to accept d truth..
I'm afraid dat I couldn't control myself later..
in the end i rejected..

Wed:
once agn..
frens asked me to go..
after a while of consideration..
i chose to go..
bt with fear i went there..
I'm afraid I will break down anytime..

when I was there..
d kind of feeling..
it's my 1st time..
n i hope it will be d last time..
when I look at her..
d urge to cry..
bt hold it..

den we prayed for her..
n sang a couple of songs..
sumtimes while singing..
d urge will come..
den when I see others nt crying..
i told myself..
be strong..
hold it..
bt when I c d auntie standing in front dere..
looks happy when we r singing..
d kind of feeling..
she's very strong..
i rly dunno wad to say..
after singing we went to see her once agn..
dis time i cant control anymore...
tears start to burst out..
dis time i cant stop it..
trying very hard..
until i managed to stop..
den whenever i hav d urge..
i jux keep telling myself..
dun think abt it..
dun think abt it..
dun let her c sadness on my face..
until d last time I c her agn..
for the last time..

den we walked around d compound..
den we passed by school..
suddenly d urge came agn..
bt..
hold it..

say dat im selfish..
i rather lost contact with a fren n hope that dey live forever happily n healthily..
rather than noe-ing a lost of 1 good fren..

She..
is a very strong girl..
stronger than a lot of ppl..
she was sick for quite some time..
bt i did not know much..
until few weeks ago..
den only i realized..
i start to ask myself..
wad kind of fren m i??
y din i noe abt it..
i din do my part as a fren..
bt she was rly strong..
she nvr complained much..

i will nvr 4gt d things u did 4 me..
d time during exam..
i jux simply say i wan 100 sailous..
bt u rly did it..
n is nt a simply thing..
u did it with ur heart..
doing it for me..
bt u din ask anything in return..

den i checked my old phone..
i searched thru all d inbox..
i felt guilty..
where are all ur msgs..
rly rly guilty..
all ur caring msgs..
sincere 1..
y were dey deleted??
n instead i kept a lot of worthless msgs from ppl who doesnt care abt me at all..
y??
y din i open my eyes..
n now..
its gone..

i rmb dat time..
after d performance of english singing comp.
u were d only fren who told me it was nice..
d only 1 who gav me compliments..
n b4 bali..
u purposely sent me a msg to wish me happy birthday..
i rmb dat..

even though d msgs r gone..
bt dey will still be in my heart..
sry..
n thank you..
u hav gave me a lot of sweet memories..
i may nt be d close fren who shared lots of things with u..
bt i will always miss u..
my Candy Jie..
R.I.P.

P.S. I nvr regretted going to c ur for one last time..

Thurs:
ordinary day..
jux raptai for graduation day..
whole day at dewan..
..
ntg much to talk abt..

Fri:
Last day at school??
nt rly..
since still have to go for 10 days..
bt dis is d last chance to meet my juniors..
took lots of pics with lots of ppl..
dere were a few performances..
some i couldn't rly hear..
1 very touching 1..
jux for candy..
1 considered a flash mob..
kinda nice..

bt den..
sumhw..
i still hav jealousy in me..
so i jux decided to 'read'..
even though i kept repeating d same sentence for times bt still i dunno wad im reading..
i jux wan to distract myself from seeing wad i dun wanna c..

den i rly feel lik talking to pn lee..
bt suddenly lots of ppl came by..
dey started talking..
so i jux kept quiet over dere..
trying to 'read' agn..

den teac left..
dere i was alone..
feeling awkward..
thinking miracles could happen..
bt i dun think so..
so jux decided to lay down n act tired..
perhaps it wont look awkward..
bt den suddenly teac called me to follow her..
so jux went dere..
talk a lil bout my probs..
bt den..
teac became bz agn..
so jux stood dere..
a lot of thoughts came out.
i was thinking..
I hated being alone here..
bt then..
Im leaving now..
for once im gonna leave..
bt yet..
im still nt happy..
m i the only 1 who are missing them??
bcuz dis may be the last time we see each other..
since we nvr know wad will happen in the future..
perhaps this is goodbye..
forever..
maybe u guys have each other..
losing me aint sumthin big..

nearly wet my keyboard typing dis post..
guess i shud stop be4 getting dehydrated..
bye..

Happy 11/11/11 to every1 out there..
good luck!

...

We may not be very close and all..
But you showed me something..
Things in life I've never really seen before..
I've never really thought of this moment before..
I knew something was wrong..
But I never knew it can be this wrong..
We seldom talk in school..
So actually I don't know much about you..

Even we did not social much..
But I'll never forget what you did..
Something very touching..
To others..
It might be nothing for others..
But this is something no one had done for me before..
I never really thought you will do it..
Cause I was just intending to say for fun..
But you..
You really did it..
Honestly..
I'm touched..

I've never thought this day will come..
I never imagine that this would happen..

You really motivated me a lot..
Mentally..
My role model..
I will stand strong!!

Thank you very much..
I will keep moving on..
No matter how hard it is..

Once again..
It has shown me that life is fragile..
Good people always leave first..
Is it because God want them by their side??
Maybe reaching the other world will be a better thing for you??
So that you won't have to suffer anymore..

Perhaps this is goodbye..
I will miss you..
My only Candy Jie..
R.I.P.

4/11 - 6/11

Fri:
din school agn @@
whole day at home..
4gt did wad dy..
another busy night..

Sat:
for once no tuition..
bt going to weii's hse..
her bro full moon~
at 1st rly frustrating..
cuz dad keep blaming on me when he is late..
argh!
fine den..
reach mh hse dy..
feel better dy..
den follow jy to weii hse..
reach dere damn lot ppl man!
den met some new fren..
d new fren rly@@
1st day meet mcm meet jor long time..
bt quite fun la..
wad i cant 4gt d most is..
weii say she cant gt us drink cuz she cant reach it @@
den jy ask..
d hole how big @@
den d guy jux SPRAYED water all over d table..
n im sitting rite opposite..
some hit me!!!
omg==!
rly zd~

bt kinda fun..
den kkm came fetch us go 2nd round..
me, jy, mh oso follow..
den us + kkm, cynthia n chongmeng all sit in dat wira..
omg..
den in petrol station lagi omg..
kkm go take petrol..
chong meng from d bek move to d front..
den wan start car..
rly lol la dem..

den go find kaiyin..
n go green apple 2geda..
7 ppl in 1 wira..
omg..
when crossing a bump damn ci gek..
every1 oso very ci gek @@
behind d we 5 damn san fu 1..

den at green apple rly crazy..
1st time being so crazy man..
playing v mh's hair..
zd..

den play till quite late only bek..
so crazy dat nite..
so high~~

Sun:
even wake up oso feel very syok..
dunno y..

den go tuition..
for 4 hours @@
rly tired..
eyes keep dripping..

bt dunno y..
once bek home..
rly no mood..
see dou wad oso dun lik..
den see more feel worse..
jux feel lik being alone suddenly..

den go out for food..
slept in d whole distance dere n bek..
felt much better..
bek to normal i guess..

den suddenly..
hav d feeling agn..
i feel lik being lost suddenly..
isit bcuz of d pressure from exam..
sumhw my emotions has become unstable for d moment..
dunno wad im thinking currently..
i gt moody of everything..
i gt jealous of everything..
Im rly afraid of SPM rite now..
n yet..
i dunno how to study all d things..
too much for me to handle..
i dunno how to handle my frenship issues..
i dunno how to handle everything rite now..
i rly hope to be free..
free from troubles..
free from nt caring abt others anymore..
no1 und me..
no1 ever will..
even if ppl noe wad i wan..
it cant be fulfilled..

i dunno how right now..
is gud to noe how ppl noe abt u..
jux saw how sum1 wrote abt me..
well..
it make sense though..

i rly hope to change myself..
to sum1 who can ignore forever..
hope i can be a new person when im bek..

my graduation is near soon..
rly hope to at least gt a pic with all of u..
bt d prob is im too shy to ask..

learning to be a better person..
or learning to live alone..
wad to do..
complicated now..

28/10 - 3/11

Fri:
another usual day..
another busy night..
kinda bored..
cuz too busy dy..
sounds weird @@

Sat:
wow..
2day damn cigek!
i feel lik a spy~!
weee~
nice experience~!

Sun:
parents go pahang @@
(after tuition..
went watch Paranormal Activity 3..
omg..
damn ci gek man..
d movie watch dao very tired..
every second oso hav to look every spot on d screen..
to notice any movement of d invisible thingy..
whole cinema quiet geh..
1st time..
except my row..
rly..
lol!

d ending of the movie rly confusing @@
have to figure out slowly..
bt nice!

den 1st time makan sushi zanmai~
d sushi very nice!
noodles okok lo..
bt i lik d sushi!
rawr!!)

Mon:
went to school..
lik any other ordinary day..
5 periods of bm..
4 periods of bio @@
erm..

bt 2day is a very special day for me..
consider..
cuz f4 exam..
so d assembly must go on..
n sook fen n i had to handle it..
once again im wearing coat~
n im asking ppl to keep quiet..
omg..
long time din do dy..
abit 4gt how..
haha..
bt very nice la..
d feeling..
is lik my last chance to do dat dy..
gonna miss it sum day..

den jux feel lik finding pn lee to let everything out!
argh~
bt still handling it..

Tues:
din go to school @@
so..
ntg much..
except for tuition..
den decided agn nt to go schoo on wed..
lol~

Wed:
afternoon raining heavily..
den feel lik going for food around 3 sumthin..
fine..
walk to d mamak which is quite far away..
i nid around 10 min to reach @@
bt nvm..
for my stomach..
jux sacrifice a lil~
haha

den bek home..

Thurs:
bek to school..
den ntg much..
return bek d books..
den jux walk here n dere..

den after recess..
yauz bday..
bring him go 5B n 5D
den tell every1 is his bday..
5B no reaction 1..
so fish..
5D still sing a song for him..
haha..
1st kind do such things..
hope he likes it..
haha~
Happy Birthday boy!

well..
if u ask me..
no..
i haven gt over it..
im still troubled by dat matter..
i still care abt it..
yes..
i shud've known wad kind of person u r..
n i hav already predicted wad will happen..
n yet..
i still had hope for miracles..
thinking one day everything will change..
haiz..
jux shun qi zi ran ba~!

27/10

Thurs:

Time flies..
It's thursday dy..
n yet..
i did ntg much..

well..
i wasted my holiday!!!
argh!!
haiz..
finally went to tuition..
d legs still..
hate going down d stairs..
urgh..
pain..

well..
normally i wun blog v such lil things..
bt dere's 1 thing lingering in my mind..
wad happened..
to be exact..
wad do u wan??
after all u promised..
i waited..
i rly did..
i kept making excuses for myself every moment..
jux to let myself feel better..
i think I've created too much excuses..
until..
i dunno wad to say left..
i cant think of any more reason..
i start to giv up on waiting..
so i decided to to jux make a move??
bt..
none of it worked..
once agn u disappeared..
i dunno wad is d reason..
im trying to find out..
bt it seems like..
u dun wan it to be dat way..

ok..
i dunno wad m i saying..
i dunno wad m i thinking..
or shud i say my mind is now blank..
y does hav to be dis way..
y do u always do d same..
n yet..
i keep falling for it..
im stupid enuf to bliv dose things..
i shud hav known..
no promises r meant to be kept..
maybe nt from u..
u change terribly fast..
jux 1 night..
things changed..
wad is wrong???
m i dat nice to be fooled??

bt if u think dat i dun value dis frenship..
dat's when u r wrong..
bt if u think im rly dat annoying or wad..
den..
all i can say is gudbye..
cuz in few more weeks..
i guess 2 more weeks..
we will nvr meet agn..
if u wanna remain disappeared in this 2 weeks..
i'll respect ur decision..
n anyway..
i guess i wun find u anymore..
if dat's wad u wan..

u've gave me some nice memories..
bt i guess all i can do now is let go..
anyway..
thx for everything..

life has its ups and downs..
well..
dunno how to overcome d problems..
perhaps im jux nt as strong as it seems..

jux hope for a happy graduation now..
1 dat bring me laughter & smiles..
which r nt fake ones..
I pray..

22/10 - 26/10

Sat:
ntg much special..
another ordinary tuition day..
den after tuition..
dunno wan go sg.wang anot..
bt decided nt to go..
cuz d place very crowded..
bt i wanna go shopping..
weird..
in the end oso dun wan la..

so close..
bt im gonna wait..
after dat!
Im gonna get it!

Sun:
no tuition..
no nothing..
another ordinary day..

Mon:
parents went Singapore..
bro go college..
so home alone..
sien..

nite..
sumthin unlucky happened @@
open d door i oso can hurt y legs..
toes to be exact..
or maybe toe nail@@
kept bleeding..
damn..
no1 at home..
walk go get d med box oso pain..
damn hard gt dou...
den start to wonder..
wad shud i do next..
start to feel anxious @@
luckily bro came bek..
n tell me wad i shud do..
so done dy..

den 1st time chat v mom thru fb~
haha
still a slow typer~~
nvr hav mom on fb..
STALKER!
XD

Tues:
morning wake up..
go mamak..
bro drive me..
haha..
n i notice dere's a cocoon on d wall..
ate dou quite fun...
bt my legs @@

den once agn quarrel..
lol la..
said everything out..
bt..
soon..
everything bek to normal..
well dis is d 1st time dis thing happen..
cuz..
normally ppl will nid time after quarreling to heal bek @@

den dinner~
bla bla bla..

den chat v gwen..
damn lol man!!
she also from st ronan..
den talk lots bout d past..
quite fun~

den haiz..
trying to be determined..
still..
i fell for it..
cuz i rly bliv in d promises u made..
i w8ed..

Wed:
morning..
wake up..
hungry..
bro wan sleep..
TT
forced to WALK to d coffee shop to buy food..
damn..
crowded..
wad i hated..
bt long time din go dy..
1st time feel very far distance..
maybe cuz d legs..

den whole day very bored..
very usual..
i hate it..
cuz..
d promise is once agn broken..
once agn..
hopes r crushed..
i rly wonder..
is it dat i hope for too much??
is it wrong??

well..
rite now..
im abit lost in all d relationships thingy..
dunno wad kind of person i shud be..
shun qi zi ran??
maybe i shud jux...
dunno la..
very complicated now..
emo-ing @@
lol!
or maybe not..
dunno..
wad m i feeling actually??
a mixture of happiness and sadness..
n a tincy wincy bit of hatred..
argh..
i jux wan everything to be normal for now..
exam comes first rite??

still..
feeling pressure bt no actions to be seen yet..
FAIL!

anyway..
6p finally reach lvl 50..
my luck??
gratz to myself..
lol!

22/10 - 26/10

16/10 - 21/10

Sun:
after annual dinner rly tired oo..
tuition oso din go @@

whole afternoon oso sleeping..
until nite only wake up @@

Mon:
went to school..
things as usual..
bt timetable changed..
omg..
bm for 5 periods..
@@

den bio @@
rly lol..
nite..
dunno y..
i like the glowing stick very much..
dunno y it brought me lots of happiness n gud luck..
many impossible things happened!
which made me happier..

Tues:
din go to school @@
ntg much to say..

Wed:
went to school for raptai..
bla bla bla..
dose ppl rly lol..
den we r forced to wear unit beruniform geh uniform @@
yes..
forced..
since i dun hav any..
hav to borrow..
since cant suitable pants for KRS..
so choose PBSM geh..

den after recess..
ntg to do @@
lol~!
watching u dat way rly makes me @@

go bek den wash d clothes..
omg..
d clothes so thin only..
imagine if im wearing it n it rains..
omg..
SEXAY~
haha..
lol la..

Thurs:
well..
my luck seems to be gone..
den only i notice d glowing stick starts to leak..
d liquid in it flows out @@
well..
abit sad abt it..
superstitious??
or totally coincidence??
i rly wonder..
ever since i notice dat..
my life becam moody agn..
dose ppl bcame deir old self agn..
once agn im ignored..

well..
in school..
2nd raptai..
even i found u..
i still felt ignored..
as if im annoying u or sumthin..

den played with a couple of juniors..
chat v dem la..
i like bullying..
haha..
go bek class..
ntg much to do but gossip!
for once i felt dat i have a bond with every classmates..
luv dem~
haha

well..
ntg much after dat..
jux tuition n bla bla bla..
i finally gt access!!!
weee~~

Fri:
Hari Koko..
wore my PBSM suit @@
wow..
i look white @@
haha..
quite satisfied with dat look actually~
haha..
mcm abit perasan oo..
d performance quite okay..

den ntg much..
actually im waiting all day long..
bt yet..
it was only jux my thoughts..
u will nvr find me 1st rite??
yes..
deep down..
it hurts too..
weirdly i shud say..
bt yes..
cuz i felt dat our frenship is nt valued..
all d things dat i've done has gone in vain..
u dont care..

i tried my best nt to think abt it..
so..
i choose to play with my phone..
no matter how boring d game is..
i jux focus on it..
i dun wanna think..
even while walking to go for food..
i dare nt put down my phone..
cuz im afraid i will think of lots of things..
den when eating..
my phone is taken away..
well..
dose things jux came in my mind agn..
argh..
my eyes r starting to gt wet..
i dare nt lift up my head..
bt luckily i managed to hide it thru..
no1 knows anyway..

the other things r as usual..
bt i knew 1 more thing between the others..
haiz..

rite now..
i rly hope i can hav a good memory b4 i leave this place..
at least i can hav good memories v me..

frenship..
i think i cared too much..
i nvr learn..
nvr at all..
putting everything in 1 frenship only leads to disappointment..
im rly trying my best to let go..
to at least..
jux..
nt care so much la..

from now on..
i'll jux stop finding u ppl la...
bt honestly..
i still hope for ur text msg..
which is a miracle..
i nid some time..

is time to leave this sh!tty thingy..
too gay to be true.. @@

I wan a NEW ME!!

15/10

Sat:

today is a special day..
skip d morning part..
cuz everything i about the NIGHT!
Prefects' Annual Dinner 2011..
a day many prefects are waiting for..

well..
went there will a 'new hairstyle'..
many say i look different..
thanks for the compliment too! XD

a lot of ppl dere oso lengzai lenglui..
some sexay n hot~
sizzling~
hahaha!

den ntg much..
w8 w8 w8..
EAT!
actually i ate nt much la..
funny thing is..
whenever i drink my cup of orange juice..
den surely mention my name..
ask me do sumthin..

d lamb hor..
nt bad la..
bt 1 thing..
susah nak makan..
rly wan knife @@
bt dun hav..
lol..

1st le..
watch deir performance..
quite funny~
nice~

( dun blame me if i 4gt d sequence)

now sumthin FUNNY happened..
when im drinking orange juice agn..
i was called to do a SHUFFLE!
I was like wad??!
im nt so pro in dancing..
n i din prepare a thing at all..
how can i @@?
bt try my best la..
haha..
at last..
oso 'dance' a lil..
mcm very fish xia..
bt i guess d spotlight of d dance wont be on me anyway..
cuz as usual..
im nt d sporting 1..
...
it'll always be d same..

den games..
well..
d 1st game is abit funny..
i gt carried by chan hong..
haha..
luckily im nt heavy..
den we hav to pop d balloons..
din win..

den d next is blow pingpong..
very funny xia..
den suddenly..
when i drink ORANGE JUICE AGN..
i kena choose lagi..
haha..

den we were given some prizes..
d f5 ppl..
wow..
i gt a mouse..
jux wad i nided..
haha..
u all read my mind^^

den gt prize for d best costume or sumthin lik dat..
wow!
i gt agn!
thx ppl!!
haha~!!
LOVE IT!!
n d girl is sook fen~
luck or fate??
rly funny la..

den dunno y suddenly gt dance..
many ppl went out..
haha..
at 1st dance v sook fen..
zd..
den waihong..
yauz..
lol..
getting funnier n funnier~
bt u noe..
my mind is only thinking of u..
i hope u were dere..
if only..
if..

den d lucky draws..
rly gan jiong sgt..
den suddenly..
8001!
i screamed!
cuz im getting a female's watch @@
GUESS my mom is gonna use it instead of me..
lucky mom~

n d slideshow..
haha..
many from my album 1!
all so familiar..
bt rly nice memories..
thx~
i noe dat feeling when every1 awwed at ur masterpiece..
dat feeling is indescribable..

den still gt wad..
d lucky draw for d grand prize took a long time..
in d end..
xh gt it..
his family all very lucky 1@@
dunno y..
haha..

anyway..
nid to thx pn lee..
dat actually sponsored a total of RM 500..
wow..

sudden emoness came to me..
jealousy struck my mind..
when i see u 2..
my brain will go... @@
i tried to let go..
to act lik ntg is wrong..
well.
i did..
bt den d 2nd thing gt me down..
dis time i cant act..
is funny dat..
every1 i wan to be with..
will be bz with OTHER PPL..
instead of interfering..
i choose to leave..
be alone at a side..
i dun rly mind..
actually i do..
bt..
being alone makes me more comfortable..
as i dun hav to act..
bt dere were some ppl who kept on acc-ing me..
thx~

i kinda amaze myself..
i can smile now..
den jux turn face..
bek to emo..
or from emo..
when ppl call..
str8 away a smile..
bt i dun think any1 noe i was moody dat time..
or dey does??

anyway..
dis night is nice..
shudn't ruin it with my mood..
indeed i enjoyed dat..
thx to all who contributed..
i had a nice night~

well..
sry to some ppl..
i din take pic v u all..
cuz im abit shy..
hahahahaha..
next time if gt chance la~
XD

11/10 - 14/10

Tues:
ntg much happened..
suddenly say dat we nid to help f4 a lil for d annual dinner..
den after school..
prepare jor..
den go KFC discuss with dem..
KFC ate 1 meal..
siawwei sent us to tuition after dat..
wow @@

den during tuition..
sumthin annoys me..
d chicken oil smell on my shirt n body..
it's all KFC's fault!
XD

Wed:
mostly half d time oso doing annual dinner things..
d cards..
den 1st time saw d Mr. Cheli..
seems nice..
den after that..
bek home..
den dey decide go d hotel check xia..
den go shuyuan hse take money..
den go dere..
after finiz jor..
go brem mall cakap cakap..
den balik rumah..
omg..
tired nya..

Thurs:
ntg much..
whole day in class..
unbelievable..
XD
sumthin kinda annoys me..
bt fine..
gt over it dy..

Fri:
whole day no enter class..
many absent oso..
haha..
whole day help settle d things..
lots n lots of money to count..
syok nya..
now close eyes oso can c stacks of money..
XD

den sumhw i felt very happy today..
it's like MY MOMENT!

after school..
go Carrefour..
with yan n siaw wei..
very funny xia..
buy lots of thing..
very funny..
while w8ing for pn lee to call..
we sat on d floor..
d salesgirl laugh at us..
aha..
den we decided to buy..
she keep joking..
total LOL..

den go home..
1st time in my life..
shopping till so crazy..
wan buy wad den buy wad..
rly weird d feeling..
bt syok..
damn tired la wei..

den ntg much..
sleepy..


well..
trying to change myself..
to nt gt bothered by small matters..
lil actions of urs aint gonna make me miserable anymore..
cuz my life will be better in the end..
no matter wad happen..
think of d positive thing..
try to hav a new motto..
bt then..
my stomach keep hurting lately..
argh..
hope it will be better soon..

I bliv everything will change 1 day..
XD

7/10 - 10/10

Fri:
another no school day..
bt oso a bz nite..
start to feel fed-up with the friday life..
busy busy busy..

well..
bt 2day is different..
something happened..
a close incident..
or accident..
in other words..
i nearly gt knocked by a car..
well..
d car haven n i was walking pass it..
den when im nearly in front..
d car starts to move..
instead of stopping..
i walked faster..
y??
i dunno..
dat was jux a sudden choice..
'reflex action'?
after dat i started to feel weird..
y din i stop..
i nearly gt knocked man..
bt in my thoughts..
wad if i gt knocked..

wad will happen..
i couldn't focus at all in my organ class..
keep making mistakes..

what if....

Sat:
ntg much..
tuition as usual..
a very hungry day..

Sun:
after tuition.
starts to wonder what to wear on saturday..
damn..
i think i dun hav any thing..
den since family wan eat Kim Gary..
so went the curve..
gt chance buy shirt too!
went there..
i was lik WOW..
d main prob is i dun rmb going dere b4..
maybe once or twice..
bt i dun rmb how was it..
since it has been a long time..

walk for quite long..
bt in the end..
ntg..
bt my mom bought a few things@@

sumhw..
for sum1 who dun lik to go for shopping..
I suddenly dun feel lik going bek home..
even though my legs r damn tired..
bt i feel very comfortable with the environment..
i feel lik jux sit dere forever..
bt if dere's a nice view..
it wud be better..

from the way of speech..
i noe it's impossible between us..
bt then i jux cant stop myself from doing sumthin stupid..

at night..
a nice view agn..
dere's a halo like thingy around d moon..
it makes d sky look perfect..
i hope d moment last forever..
cuz sum things can nvr be captured down even with a camera..
it is jux nt d same..

Mon:
2day is an emotional day..
i dunno how to say it..
early in the morning..
gt shocked by seetho's new hair style @@
WOW..

bt then early in the morning..
i hav to gt pissed..
ppl sure lik to annoy me..
fine..
jux tolerate..
bt things gt worse later..
my stomach starts to ache..
n my nose starts to 'run'??

bt then..
dis doesnt make things as worse as the other things dat happened..
y is everything so unfair..
every1 is d same..
bt some ppl wil jux gt more privilege..
wad makes dose ppl different??
in fact..
some ppl may be whole lot better..
bt y we gt different treatments??

well..
even though im very sensitive n emotional..
not to mention str8 forward..
bt im quite impressed by myself..
i can rly act in front of teachers..
no matter how angry i m..
or how sad..
depressed??
annoyed..
i can act lik ntg happen..

until i walk away...
i might break down n cry..

like today..
i suddenly jux cant control my emotions..
well..
i prefer to be silent for sum times..
cuz by then..
i might 4gt abt it..
bt sumtimes i choose to say it out..
cuz i cant stand d way u act!

y is everything so unfair??
y do u gt everything bt i dont??
wad hav u done which i have not??
im sick of it man!

argh!!
i hate myself a lot..
i noe dere's a part of me dat dun nid any1 in life..
bt i jux cant find out dat part of me..
i oways hope to hav sum1 with me when i nided..
for dat..
i did a lot of stupid things..
which humiliated myself too..
jux bcuz i wan sum1 to suppport me..
well..
dat's stupid..

i rly hope dat these things will change 1 day..
i wanna be sum1 who's ignorant enuf to live alone..
still standing strong even dere's no1 around me..
being happy even my frens start to ignore me..
bt can i do it??

Well..
i hav to apologize to sum ppl..
dat actually cared..
bt i unintentionally scolded..
well..
sumtimes i jux cant control my emotions..
dat's y i choose to 'sleep'..
bt d truth is..
i aint rly sleeping..
is jux dat my tears r falling n i dun wan ppl to see it..
so pls dun disturb me..
if im rly sleeping..
i wud wake up already n hit u==!

1 more month to go..

4/10 - 6/10

Tues:

went to school..
surprisingly..
saw waihong dere..
coming to help..

den ntg much..
do physics..
chemistry..
add math..
bio..
den we call it a day..
well..
d bio module is rly thick..
den ntg much..


Wed:

another usual day..


Thurs:

morning saw sumthin on fb..
Steven Jobs is dead..
kinda shocking..
bt ppl hav to move on..
R.I.P.

dis morning..
intended to go to school..
bt then..
stomach ache agn..
end up din go..

den afternoon went to renew passport..
quite fast..
long time dy...

den i knew abt sumthin..
which gt me abit moody..
which i dun rly understand..
y do u hav to be dis way..
cant u jux let go??

den tuition..
shukoon n i exchanged seats..
den he started to act lik me..
indeed a lot of my actions i normally do..
bt i started to understand..
i hav totally 4gt how i used to be like..
i dunno wad im doing now..
ive been doing things dat's so wrong..
i kinda realized dat i dunno who i rly am..

who m i..
wad i rly m..
i noe i've been a jerk..
i've did a lot of things dat hurt a lot of ppl..
when will i start to be mature??
right now..
if given a chance..
i wish im nvr born..
i hate myself terribly..
i thought i was d best..
i almost gud in everything..
the fact is..
im nt..
im ntg at all..
jux a scum..

rite now..
i jux dun wan to live anymore..
im sorry..

perhaps it wud be better if u all nvr met me b4..

2/10 - 3/10

"I surrender"

Sun:

ntg happened..
night mahjong..
still d mood..
nvr better..


Mon:

morning go wangsa maju renew passport..
bt haiz..
waste time only..
counter close..
technical prob..
so hav to go another day..
waste my time a!!!
plus..
d road very bumpy..
make dou me dizzy dy..

den after dat take passport pic..
saw a doggy!
so cute..
1st time c my bro so funny..
doing funny faces n actions..
lol!
cute-nya..
d dog..
XD

den ntg much..
finally finiz my terrible-taste medicine..
1 week..
1 torturing week!
finally over..
jux hope i can say dat for my problem..

lately i kept dreaming..
literally..
dreaming abt things dat will nvr happen anymore..
keep dreaming bout happy things..
which only makes me sad..
cuz is jux a dream..
i tried everything..
to make things better..
bt i dun think dat work well as planned..
i dun wanna lose any of u..
bt..
i cant do a thing..

well..
i noe for now..
dere's ntg i can do..
d more i do..
d worse it will be..

as promised myself..
once i changed d pic of my fb..
i shud oso change my attitude in stuff..
be a new person??

now dere's a conflict..
i feel lik leaving dis place..
bt i noe i will miss it..
i will miss dis place..
d ppl here..
all d memories here..

i rly wanna hav a nice memory here in dis place..
i rly hope dat all problems will be solved by the time i rly graduate..
i wanna leave v good memories..
since we may nt meet agn next time..
we hav only 1 more month to interact..
im afraid i dunno how to react on d laz day we will meet..

to those dat has been by my side..
thanks a lot..
to those who has moved on..
jux to say..
i will still be dere if u nid me..
jux speak out..

i still prefer d old me..

1/10

Sat:

"The Truth"

cant rly sleep well..
keep waking up every hour..

well..
today's a lil awkward..
while tuition..
i dun feel bored or sleepy at all..
in fact..
studying is quite fun..

hours of tuition jux passed..

well..
the truth..
1 thing every1 wish to know..
bt once we know it..
we will hope that we dont know it at all..
dis is wad humans r like..

to some1..
jux to tell u..
if i dun k abt u at all..
i wun even wanna mention anything here..
i can jux ignore u lik every1 else..
bt instead..
i din..
i intended to apologize once more..
since maybe b4 dis wasn't too sincere enuf..
bt..
i guess u wun nid it anymore..
jux to tell u..
d feeling u hav now..
i had it b4.
bt mine turn out bad..
so i hope u wun hav d same..
bt ppl nvr learn when dey nvr fall..
jux b careful..
ppl may nt seem to be wad we want..

life is rough..
u nvr noe wad will happen next..
dun run on slippery floor..
or else u will fall easily..
take k..

some2..
well..
thx for acc-ing me all dese times..
even though sumtimes we argue..
bt..
i've learned to bear with it..
n try to change..
well..
as for wad u said laz nite.
i dunno wad to say abt it..
thanks??
sorry??
all i can say is..
dun waste too much time on worthless things la..
n i rly tried my best to help...
hope dey helped..

some 3..
thanks to u..
i felt a lil better chattin v ya..
u showed me many funny things oso..
haha..
well..
thx anywy..

some4..
d reason y i asked u for opinion abt me..
is bcuz i dun wan u to feel dat im annoying or sumthin..
well..
i may nvr noe wad u truly feel..
so..
if u nvr speak out..
i will nvr noe..
bt at last..
u speak out..

d reason i find u often is cuz i felt comfortable speaking to u..
talking about my problems..
or other things..
bt..
maybe to u is different..

well..
is gud to noe d truth..
i noe i may be a lil annoying..
even sumtimes i felt dat way..
bt is courageous of u to say dat..
n since u've said dat..
i think i noe wad im supposed to do..
i wun find u so often..
perhaps u will be happier without me..


every1 wants to noe d truth..
bt d truth is ugly..
it will only break sum1's heart..
(good conditions excluded)

as for me..
i think I've written everything i felt here in this blog..
reasons..
bcuz i wan ppl to know how i truly feel..
wad i lik..
wad i dislike..
ppl may say dat im courageous..
cuz ppl may hate me cuz of dat..
bt..
if our friendship cant pass thru dis simple obstacle..
imagine if dere's a bigger problem..
it will be worse..
only if both tolerates..
d bond will be stronger..
im ready to tolerate..
bt r u??
Is a risk..
bt I'm willing to take..
i dun wanna act all d way thru..
or else if a quarrel happens..
everything will be far worse..


i think im a great actor..
no1 sees the problem from d outside..
ppl may think im cheerful..
or happy..
bt actually im nt..
obviously..

i wanted to act lik im strong..
dun care abt everything at all..
bt deep down..
i mind..
i mind every single bit abt it..
is jux dat u dunno..

in fact..
i dun hate any1 now..
i jux hate myself..
for being overreacted..
i admit for being wrong sumtimes..

im an actor..
in front of u..
i may look happy n all..
bt deep down..
im nt..
jux in split sec.
i can totally change my emo.

im a liar too..
i keep lying to myself..
everything is alright..
when everything is nt right at all..

i admit..
i hav a gud life..
is jux dat i haven appreciate it all yet..
cherish every1 around u..
u may nt noe when u nid dem 1 day..

it's d 1st day of Oct..
n yet..
life is still d same..
i shud change..
im nt suitable in playing mind war games..
i cant take d challenge..
im oways d softhearted 1..

hav u ever felt dat..
u wanna leave this school str8 away??
well..
i do..
nt surprising..
bt sumtimes..
when i think dat..
i may nt hav d chance to meet u guys anymore..
i will feel kinda sad..
u may say dat we can come out n meet..
bt how many ppl will actually do dat..
sumhw..
i dun feel lik leaving too..
conflicts..

U'll nvr noe how mch im hurt..
never..
nt even i've told u..

30/9

Fri:

"I felt it"

laz day of september~

morning as usual..
den our class used as exam class for PMR..
so we nid chnge class..
b4 recess 5J..
after recess 3B..
rly bek to paleolithic era..
hidup berpindah randah..
LOL..
sivik gt d marks nt bad..

no check ei..
lucky XD
den BC..
finally gt d paper..
yay~
gt a 75..
fun~!

den BM~
erm..
finally no result..
thank god..
gt 65..
so ngam~~

recess..
ntg much..
ohya..
d arrogant u..
yup~
i ignore arrogant ppl~
say wadeva u wan..
haha~

den went to class..
bi..
haiz..
CALEB!!
oways u!!!
rawr!!

den pizza has arrived~
cool~!
bt hav to go to physic lab..
ntg much dere..
gt bek addmath paper 2..
wow..
teac count wrongly..
less 1 mark..
from 89 to 89.5 which is equal to 90~
weee~
quickly find teac~

den pigi makan pizza~
wooo~!
(wrong sequenxe,
shud be eating before finding teac @@)

sumhw..
i jux feel a moody??
cuz seeing sumthin agn??
tried to relax..
after adding marks..
jux went out n find dem..
no appetite dy..
blame it on d pizza la..
at least gt makan..

den went bek v xh..
go c d interview thingy..
sit dere n chat v few ppl..
bt my brain kept wandering around..
i cant stop thinking of dose things..
baba think im transparent de..
TT

den ntg much..
join d interview part..
sit down n listen wad dey say..
kinda funny though..
compared with prefects..
dat 1 more horrible..
no1 dares to laugh @@

den went home..
still..
mind kept thinking abt d things..

tuition..
heard yihui said..
i gt no.3~
wow..
kinda happy..
i lik 3 ^^
sumhw is my fav no..
once agn..
CALEB!!
no. 2!!
rawr~!
gonna make sure on tuesday~!

den ntg much..
during organ lesson..
argh..
dunno y cant concentrate..
keep making mistakes..
wrong wrong wrong..
feel so urgh~!!!

den ntg much..

emotional part..
dunno i've gt thru it or wad..
from waiting..
hatred grew too~
well..
ppl can be ppl..
y kept rmb-ing all d past??
every1 makes mistakes~
u too~
dis is how we learn..
so y keep thinking of it..
i jux dun quite understand it..
i can 4gt wad happened laz time..
y nt u?

fine..

ppl r ppl n sometimes it doesn't work out..

dis is d song dat kept me up from falling down!


den 2 some ppl..
ya..
i do care abt ppl n try to comfort when dey r sad enuf..
well..
dis is d past..
rite now..
u aint d boss of me anymore..
if i offer my caring n u dun wan it..
dat's fine by me..
bt..
dun expect me to listen to u anymore..
i wun giv a damn of it..
im nt ur toy..
i dun care wad kind of freakin' mood u hav dere..
u dont own me..
dun u think i will even wanna bother wad happened to u..
since u weren't even with me at all when i needed..
wadeva la..
jux a term..
actually quite disappointed..
bt..
fine la..
oredi biasa..
since im nt d #1 fren in ur heart..
i say wad oso useless de la..
w8 ur #1 comfort u la~!

well another matter..
jux to mention..
i feel dat im totally different when im depressed n not..
when im depressed..
i think dat almost everything in d world is wrong to me..
bt when im trying to comfort sum1..
i can actually think of a lot of positive things..
which even happened on me b4..
dis is weird dat i nvr thought of dat..
im totally diff~

bt anyway..
if ya think im dun hav d right to speak dose words..
say so..
at most i jux shut up~
best for every1~

well~
today is kinda a moody day for me..
bt..
nt dat depressed after all..
3 cases in 1 day..
well..
im stil standing..
cant bliv dat..
i shud be falling by now..

*1
rite now..
im tired of being so 'tolerate'??
u wanna hate me..
fine by me la..
i wun beg u anymore~
u may say I've changed..
bt u nvr knew u urself hav changed also..
sick of it dy la..
anyway..
b4 ending this..
I'll still jux APOLOGIZE for wad i did n said..
bye!

*2
u just let me down..
since im ntg to u dy la..
i dun hav to rly care wad happened rite??
who do u think u r anyway..
call me when u nid..
n leave when u dont??
LOL!

*3
SPEECHLESS!!
ish..
wadeva i say is nt gud de la..
dun listen la!



Trying my best not to care anymore..

bt still..

I will make u all regret for nt appreciating wad i did b4!
(mcm perasan sgt)

bt dat's how i feel n dis is how i write..

Grow up & CHANGE!!!

29/9

Thurs:

"THANK YOU"

2dy skul mcm biasa..
abit sien..
no new results..
only noe my addmath project gt 86..
quite high..
quite happy..
cuz hard work paid off..
bt actually i omost 4gt abt it..

den ntg much..
haiz..
i wan noe results de le..

den after recess..
gt 1 talk..
how to write a RESUME..
n wad to do during an interview..
wow..
sumhw im quite interested..
XD
n d speaker oso nt bad..
cool v d jokes..
wun feel too bored..
bt my back is aching..

den after dat go home lo..
nap..
after nap dun feel lik waking up..
bt hav to go for tuition..
wow..
during tuition..
my eyes rly..
cant stop dripping..
cant stop sleeping..
every time gt break den sure sleep xia de.. XD

den bek home..
oso..
sleep saje..
until 11..
wake up eat dinner..
y so tired har?
mcm eat jor med dat kind of drowsiness..
bt i din oso @@

den lately keep dreaming..
dose dream were so real..
2 days ago..
1st dream..
i dreamed dat sum1 dat kinda hate me actually asked me for a game of tetris..
jux when i said ok..
i woke up @@

2nd dream..
yesterday..
dreamed of a guy who lately kinda ignores me actually chat abt everything with me..
den when i gt to feel happy agn..
i woke up agn!!==
in the middle of d morning..
5 a.m.!
how i hope it's true..
cuz i dun lik d way u ignore me @@!

3rd dream..
afternoon nap dat time..
i dreamed dat i found a teac..
asked abt d result @@
dis is a weird dream..
bt every dream i had lately felt so true..
so real..
i was lik..
omg..
when i woke up..
i rly tot it was true for a moment..
den only i rmb i was sleeping @@
haiz..
wasted..

bt lately..
rly 1 thank sum1..
who was oways by my side..
staying up so late jux to comfort me..
haiz..
abit guilty tim..
bt..
wad she said is true..
ppl hav different mindset..
im too naive to think dat every1 will hav almost d same feeling as me..
bt actually i was wrong..
i nid ppl to comfort me when im down..
bt dat doesnt mean u guys nid it too..
having high hopes aint good..

anyway..
wad i rly wanna say is..
i rly appreciate it..
maybe i din rly show it..
n let u down..
bt..
no matter how..
im pleased u were with me when i nided..
sry for the things dat ive done..

u're not a fool..
jux too caring..
dat's all..
=)

funny dat my blog content dont rly match d title..
XD

28/9

Wed:

"Believe In Yourself"

2day went to a motivational talk..
by Adam Khoo..
a successful person from a not so not so gud past..

dis talk motivated me a lil..
believe in urself..
with the help of believing..
we can actually achieve sumthin we cant..

bt even dis is a motivation talk focused on studies..
bt to me..
i take it the other way..
de friendship way..


u noe..
rite now..
i jux cant be happy..
i kept dreaming of things dat will not happen..
literally dreaming..
when i wake up..
it makes me feels worse..


every time i w8ed..
bt in the end..
i jux put down my pride and all..
i find u all..
bt when d reactions i saw from u guys..
it makes me feel lik a fool..
i dun think any of d previous heads done dis kind of things b4..
i wonder y im doing it..
i think is a joke..
d ketua pengawas keep bugging me~!
keep finding me n saying nonsense..
i think maybe dis is hw u guys feel..

i ignore my dignity n all..
bt in the end..
i guess im jux a joke rite??

I'm trying to change..
I've tried a lot of times..
I still can't find the RIGHT me..

right now..
Im trying my best to just ignore everyone..
i try my best not to find u all..
unless u all find me..
It's hard for me..
bt I'll try my best..
I can't gain friendship..
at least..
i will try to regain my dignity..
i dun wanna be a fool..
finding u all bt in the end..

I'll only treat dose who find me..
to others whom I once rly cared..
bye..
i noe u guys wun even notice my presence..
is jux me who is thinking too much..

it's right..
ppl hav different way of thinking..
wad i thought is important might seemed to be ntg to u guys..
I'll jux hav to change...

27/9

Tues:

"Choice of words"

went bek to school..
saw some of my results..
still quite satisfy with it..
phy gt 89..
left 1 mark gt 90 argh..
wasted..
bt still satisfy though..
even nt highest dy..
BM paper 2 70..
dunno how to say..
average mark @@
hope p1 wont be too bad..

den 2day gt quite many papers..
math 99..
ish..
stupid question..
even skema oso wrong!
my ans same as skema de lo @@
y nt right le?? XD
funny la..
wad oso ikut skema..
when i right den sure wun ikut skema 1..
lol la!
nvm..
suan le..
at least midterm gud la..

den bio 70++..
gt improvement la..
dis time no take tips..
so gt marks lik dis oso consider nt bad..

sj..
@@
unexpected gt 80+..
bt guilty la..
cuz ada tips punya..
haiz..
rly shocked oso..
hav to rly work for it during spm..
muz try my best..

moral 92..
weeee~
2nd highest..
yer..
lose to yan agn..
teac rly funny la..
ppl A+ oso purposely wan find mistake de..
lol!
quite happy though..

den ntg much@@

as for my feelings..
dunno wad to say abt it..
ppl changed..
perhaps i did to..
when ppl told me I've changed..
I dun rly rmb how i used to be..
cheerful?
nt quite sure..

N 1 thing I've learned..
choice of words is important..
different choice of words..
bring up different meaning..
sometimes it may be cruel too..
bt u urself wudn't know it..
n from "choice of words"..
I can kinda see how sum1 rly feels..
at least dose words muz be sincere de la..
if faking sure cant..
bt i can kinda guess out how sum1 feel..
indeed some words will only make us feel annoyed..

sumhw..
i feel lik a new born baby..
I dun quite understand how dis world works..
everything changes in split second..
u will nvr noe wad will happen next in life..
some ppl will be very kind n friendly now..
talking lik best friends..
bt perhaps a day later or two..
dey will treat u lik " who are you?"..
dun disturb me!
i rly cant figure out wad do dey truly feel..

1 thing for sure..
I care wad ppl think of me..
I noe i cant take it..
this is my weakness..
I've been trying my best to please almost everyone..
bt sumhw my temper jux makes it worse..
since young..
Im hot tempered..
i knew it..
bt i jux cant change it..

bt wad i not quite understand is..
y cant i do things dat other ppl do to me?
it's nt fair to me at all..
when every1 else does d thing..
ntg happens..
bt once i do it..
I'm d 1 to be blamed..
to be scolded..

i dunno when is a person smiling sincerely..
when is it when he/she is jux waiting for a chance to stab me..

I know it's not deir duty to care abt me..
bt I was dere for them..
y cant dey be dere for me?
It might be selfish for me to say dat..
bt..
who in dis world does nt hav desire?

sumtimes..
when ppl r in depressed..
i tried my best to comfort them..
giving dem advice..
trying all my best to make dem feel better..
bt actually..
i hope 1 day when im in trouble or depressed..
U will be dere for me..
perhaps jux listening is enuf..
bt u noe how annoying is it for me to see dose symbols??
-.-
==
zz
...
dis jux shows me how reluctant u r to listen to me..
den y do u find me in d first place?
if u wanna noe..
den listen it lik u care..
dun giv me dis kind of reaction..
u dunno how much it hurts..
im speaking out how i truly feel..
bt u r taking it as a joke..
i dun nid u to help me kill or steal or do anything..
jux some words dat can cheer up..
dat's enuf..
bt..
if u jux show me how reluctant u r..
do u think i will feel better??

who doesn't wan to be happy all the time??
who doesn't wan to laugh all the time??
bt i cant..
things hav given me more pressure..
more depressed..
i can barely even control my temper..
i can jux blow up at any minute..
bt who knows??
who knows how hard is it for me??

I put down everything..
my dignity..
pride..
acting lik as if ntg wrong..
even im also mad..
i dun k!
i 4gt abt it..
trying to fix things over..
bt who realizes it?
I admit wad I've done wrong..
bt in the end..
wad do i gt..
being a laughing stock??

I am weak!
I admit that..
I wanted to be strong..
bt i cant..
i cant ignore things dat happen around me..
I know i cant change any1..
bt i rly hope for it..
d way i treat u b4..
is d way how u wan to treat me..
bt all i gt is disappointment..
i dun think u rmb-ed wad i did for u..
I guess I'm still living in the past..
where every1 hav moved on..
I'm still dere alone..
wondering when will u guys come back..
even though i noe it'll nvr happen..
In the end..
i loses control of my emotions..
Im trying my best to "fit in"..
I jux cant..
it hurts me to see all of u being so kind to each other..
sharing secrets n all..
bt..
im jux a nobody..

i tried my best to act strong..
n ignorant..
bt..
eventually it jux fails..
i cant be strong..
im nt d kind of person who's strong..

trying to adapt myself..
treating ppl d way dey treat others..
bt in the end is still d same..
fate??
no matter how i do..
It jux dun seem to work..
as time goes by..
I think I've changed..
adapting myself with all sorts of behaviours..
bt..
how much hav i changed??
I wanna noe...
I wanna noe how i was back then..
I wanna noe who I rly am..

I chose friendship over pride & dignity..
is dis a wrong choice??
will i ever make a right choice in my life?




You know..
when Im in depressed..
close frens of mine wont find me..
in fact..
miraculously..
dose who i tot isnt too close found me..
a simple msg dat rly cheered me up..
even it only consist of 2 words..

YOU've been there with me every time..
No matter how bad i treated you..
you'll still be dere for me..
telling me wad's rly happening..
for this..
I rly wanna thank you..
Thanks..

trying my best to be strong..