49th day of waiting

49th day of waiting..Sat
2day is Sb's carnival..
early in da morning..
nid thx weii to call me..
after morning call..
went to bath..
den i heard gt call..
cant bliv my dad go answer..
thx sailou for da morning call..
bt sry din answer dou..
(let my dad answer jor)

den go to skul..
nt rly in mood..
jux help out whenever possible..

den when dealing with da ice..
da whole thing hit on my finger..
hurts..
until now..
very painful..

den jux go take attendance since i cant help much..
den saw sailou..
chat chat xia...
den dunno do wad..
jux walk around..
acting lik very bz..
actually im very bored..
helped with deco..

den everything started..
den take attendance..

ntg much..
whole day can say is in charge of da attendance only..
ntg much..
since im useless in doing other things..
den took some pics..

wood wood de yauz

happy de sailou~
lengzai oo~
our 1st pic 2geda..
i dun rly lik it..
cuz sumthin is wrong v my hair..
bt no take dou 2nd..
TT

no take dou v her..
cuz 2day din rly take much pic..

den jux continue do wad i was doing..
bored..
alone for lik hours..
nobody is dere to acc me..
i dun think dey even care..
so jux alone..
walking around..
around 1..
i saw yongwai..
bt he din go tugas..
he went to play games..
i was up dere..
i shouted his name..
bt he din hear it..
fine..
den i kept standing at my spot..
alone..
wonderin who would care..
so i stood dere for lik an hour..
nobody asked me wher'd ive been..

so jux went down..
nobody cared..
den i noe i lost my puncher..
find here n dere..
cant find..
dis made me sadder..
until i wanna cry..
bt i jux stay strong..
den sat dere for a few minutes..
alone..
thinking..

den suddenly..
da thought of walking home reached my mind..
so called my dad..
n decided to walk home..
still..
nobody cared..
on da way..
i thought of many things..
i feel lik running away from home..
i felt lik doing many things..
which i noe it would make my parents sad..

standing between da roads..
dere's a kind of feeling..
weird feeling..
makes me feel.
ALONE..


i was NAIVE..
i thought dat dey wud bother y i wasnt around..
i thought dey wud care..
bt..
no1 did..
no1 cared..
no1 knew..
NO1..
NOT A SINGLE PERSON!!

den upon reaching home..
dad's car pass by..
so went bek..
din go tuition..
dun hav da mood..

i hav many problems..
bt is better to keep in my heart..
bt i noe..
dey can live with or without me..
no1 will be sad even im nt around..
my appearance is ntg..

48th day of waiting

48th day of waiting..Fri
2day is a rly tired day..
early in the morning..
woke up..
sleepy..
mom fetch me to skul~
wont be seeing her until sunday..
she's going singapore..

den went to skul..
tired cuz late sleep laz nite..
den..
jux tired..
suddenly feel lik vomiting..
agn..
so went to toilet..
kinda crowded..
so dun wan 1st..
den went bilik pengawas..
help sailou order..
giv money..
den go bek to toilet..
dis time..
dunno is lucky or not lucky..
i went to da laz cubicle..
den i saw a guy with his pants down..
omg??
facing outside..
so i can say i saw "it"..
my 1st reaction was..
turn bek..
den quickly i did it..
so i din notice who is he..
@@
den no mood vomit after dat..
den jux walk out..
still nt well..

all cuz of dat vomit..
made me saw sumthin i shudn't c..
ish!!
who to blame??

after perhimpunan..
gt meeting..
nt rly in mood oso..
since nt well..

den finiz jor..
went bek class..
do hw..
dis n dat..
den i rly dunno y..
i finiz my hw 1st..
so in my mind..
i shudn't jux abandon u n go find her..
so i decided to stay dere do my hw..
even though i rly wanna go dere..
bt instead i stayed..
den..
u oso finiz..
bt did u do da same??
NO!!
u left me!!
u went dere n sat in front of her!!
so dis how u 'repay' me..

so recess..
oso dun wan k much..
jux went down alone..
den walk v hsien dem..
den ntg much..
after doing wad i usually do..
go c mh dem collect money..
den help holding box..
den reached 3B..
haha..
weii say sailou very funny..
come out take coupon..
1st thing is say..
"ur shoes haven tie properly"
zd..

den..
go physics lab..
okok lo~
bi~
ntg much..
den after skul..
go find dad to change my bag..
den while at da gate..
BANG!!
sum1 hit my bag!
is my sailou==
aiyo..
u dunno my bag wan spoil jor meh..
still lik dis hit it..
haha..
bt rly happy..
cuz at least u will find me 1st..

den went change bag..
went bek in..
den go makan..
balik tengok a lil comp..
no mic..==
den chat v jiahao a lil..
pengawas sesi petang..
MANY TERUK!!

den go xh hse..
den on9..
den slept jor..
on da floor..
den woke up..

den go bek skul..
do things..
colour..
den collect money from afternoon session..
gt few class rly OMG..
1st time gt junye bring me..
cuz i dunno wher r da classes..
den 2nd n 3rd time..
i asked ppl..
who wanted to follow me up..
bt no1 volunteered..
suan!
go alone..
den saw yen n agnes standing outside..
doing hw..
weird..
gt table dun wan use..
den weird is..
2B no teac oso so quiet de..
geng..

den finiz collecting money..
went bek down..
dey say dey pluck da coconut tree leaves down..
??
omg..
@@

den weird thing is..
2day many 'strangers' talk to me..
i noe who dey r..
n dey noe who i m..
bt we NVR talked b4..
weirdly..
we talked 2day..
n dey started it~
haha^^

den jux go tuition..
nt feeling comfy..
cuz..
dirty..
whole day no bath..
eww!!
den chat v hsien abt 'sumthin'..
haiz..
knew more things..

den bek home..
on9..
chat v sailou..
jux..
sry..
i cnt control myself for being sensitive..
bt i rly cant stand him..

he told me dat he's leaving..
i've stopped him..
den he INSISTED!!
so i took dat as a yes..
den wad he did??
BROKE DA "PROMISE"!!
den i ask y..
u tell me..
he say can continue..
den u din follow jor..
WTF??!!!
dis is u promise me de things..
nt him!!
den WTF u relate him for??
nvm.
dis aint important..
cuz i hav no right to stop ppl from socializing v others..
jux..
i see ur true colours..
i cant bliv i chat v u abt dis prob..
n u still can jux..
lik ntg..
den joke v me..

so rite now..
i feel more..
argh~!
rly dun deserve..
to be..
jux rly sry..
i cant control myself..
bt rly nid thx u..
all dese weeks..
when im sad..
u oso will acc me..
jux thx..
n sry..

den..
prepare for tomolo..
suddenly..
chat v 'sum1'..
cant bliv v rly chat..
abt many prob..
cuz we r nt close at all..
bt from ur mouth..
i gt to noe sumthin..
sumthin dat my "FRENZ" din tell me..
dey went to a sleepover..
yea..
my hse is far..
bt u guys NVR mention to me b4..
respect much??
so dis r frenz?
i rly hate it..
maybe i rly cant make it..
bt does it bother u to jux ask me??
i noe y..
cuz to u guys..
IM WORTHLESS!!
ntg bt a piece of sheet..

i noe 2molo..
i will be abandoned agn..
no1 wan me to help..
no1 wan me to acc..
so i think i'll jux live alone..
I HATE MYSELF!!!

Im nt a gud head prefect..
nt a gud lover..
nt a gud brother..
nt a gud fren..
Im nothing..

47th day of waiting

47th day of waiting..Thur
2day..
my mood overall was happy, sad n jealous..

early in the morning..
went to skul..
den start memorizing for my oral..
den went on stage..
Cik Tan scared me..==
den help students rearrange sits..
bt feel lik my presence was useless..
im ntg..

den wasted lots of periods doing dat..
so it was PJK..
i used dat time to memorize at dewan..
den suddenly..
i looked bhind..
wah!!
cake fight..
3D de ppl..
cakes..
all over the floor..
waste lo..
da cake so big..
nt cheap de lo..
now all waste..
den scold dem..
ask dem go sweep..
den dey wash demselves..
den sailou came..
chat v him a lil..
bt he seem lik kinda nervous or afraid..
lik wanna run away..
den suan le ba..
he went bek up stairs..
i continue my oral..

recess..
u sat bside me..
den ask me da food nice anot..
den i ask u wan try??
u rly did!!
omg~
dat moment was totally..
^^
den went walk walk~
den pass by 3B collect things..
den sailou a..
suan liao lo..
keep do math..
no choi me..
still no bong can me oso..
TT
den ntg much..

bi drama..
omg..
da whole performance was ruined by me..
everything was so well..
bt y shud i be smiling..
my character shudn't be smiling..
HATE MYSELF!!
argh..
den continue my oral..
progress getting better..

den math ntg..
time flies..
suddenly bc jor..
went to 5B since our class is being used..
den went dere..
i was da 2nd of da day..
ARGH~!
now i hate myself more..
y cant i jux it do it naturally??
i've memorized all bt jux cant rmb..
y other ppl can bt i cant??!!
i rly hate myself..

den went bek home..
i tried smiling..
knew more things made my feelings go worse..
i rly dislike him more n more..
bt..
nt as much as i HATE myself..

den after nap..
i saw sumthin..
sumthin dat made my tears drop..
tears of touch..
dose comments was rly touching..
i seriously wanna thx u 2..
u guys r d best!!

den went tuition..
seeing other guy v u..
made me feel jealous..
i rly wanna be with u..
bt i managed to fake a smile..
bt da more i smile..
da more my heart hurts..
lik needles poking on it..
den after tuition..
went bek..

on9 as usual..
den chatted v him..
nearly quarreled..
bt i noe he very behsong now..
bt dose r da truth..
u r da 1 who broke ur promise..

i rly hate myself..
i m nobody..
im nt brave..
im nt gud enuf..
im nt open..
im selfish..
im too sensitive..
im care too much..
every1 hav deir right to social v others..
y shud i bother so much??!!
y!!

no1 is 3am..
i still m nt sleeping..
thinking how much of...
I ****ingly HATE MYSELF!!!
ARH!!

46th day of waiting

46th day of waiting..Wed
2day..
went to school early..
slept behind in the bilik agn..
den woke up..
half awake half asleep..
memorize for my oral test..
dunno wad i read..
my brain is very tired..
den start duty n all dat..

den went bek to class..
chemistry do project agn..
dis time dunno doing wad..
jux keep using sodium hydroxide..
den da 1.0 mol de..
very slippery xia..
bt hor put jor on hand la..
a while later..
da hands will feel weird..
a lil itchy n pain..
bt very yeng is..
when put sodium hydroxide salt in water..
da water turns hot..
yeng ei..
wonder how..
da whole beaker hot hot de..
MUZ TRY!!

den..
ntg much..
recess..
reach jor puberty..
keep wan eat..
usually i dun eat de.
bt dunno y 2day keep eating..
nearly til rm3..
bt dun wan..
so i used rm2..
@@

den recess..
din rly do much..
wrote a note..
put on his table..
wu liao le~~
n yes..
im da 'lame' guy..
bt y u no ask me de??
==

den bi prepare for drama..
hilarious..

den bio..
finish da report..
cuz too bright..
P&P cant continue..

after skul stay bek for moral drama prac.
bt it was such a failure..
everything is bad..
WORSE..
WORST!!!
den stil gt ppl dun wan giv cooperation..
suan!!
wan angry den leave!
dun k bout u so much..
bt others..
rly thx for staying bek..
at least we managed to finiz a lil..
rly sh!t...

den bek home..
ntg jor..
jux as usual..
bt very fan..
many prob..
1st..
i rly dunno..
how in the hell r we gonna gt a ice kacang machine??
in such lil time??
if u giv me 2 months..
i oso cnt find 1..
now only 2 days..
how find??!!!
n cuz of dat..
every1 gt annoyed..
rly F de..
whose idea in da 1st place is to make dat thing??
think of the odds!!
now rly happen..
wad to do??

argh~!
fan dat oredi enuf..
den now gt many many projects..
2molo..
nid 2 do english drama..
luckily dun rly nid to do much..
jux make an ok performance..
den..
2molo still gt chinese oral..
argh!!
i rly no mood 2 memorize..
dunno how rmb all dose shit..
very fan..
how rmb??
argh!!

den moral drama on next week..
how??
prepare dis n dat..
bt all gt prob..
den d teac keep wan gud things..
how oo..

now i rly fan..
abt many things..
i still haven gt ur answer..
still gt how long??
bt lately i noe all of us very fan..
so maybe after all dese things??
rly hope..

haiz..
sailou oso facing own probs..
i noe u cant acc me..
cuz u r oso nt in gud mood..
bt..
think positively!!
abt ur "bez fren"..
all i can say is..
dun bother him!!
if u rly think u din do anything wrong..
n he wanna blame u..
so jux let it be..
dis kind of fren..
gt or not oso useless!!
dey will only make u sad..
dey wun be happy for u..
so wad for havin dis kind of fren!!
(suddenly a lil gek dong.. u shud noe y)
abt her..
i rly dunno how say..
cuz i rly dunno wad is she thinking..
is better for u to noe da truth..
maybe it hurts..
maybe it doesn't..
bt..
is a gud thing to noe da truth..
even if it hurts..
at least..
u can gt over it..
even though it may take some time..
bt at least u will be happier rite??

no matter wad..
when u're sad..
u can always find me..
i will try my best..
to cheer u up..
2 listen to u..
d important thing is..
u hav to trust me for dat..

jux hope dat everything will end soon..
carnival
oral
dramas
exams
organ exam
pelantikan

i wanna be free!!
i wanna be happy!!
i wanna be be with u!!!

45th day of waiting

45th day of waiting..Tue
2day..
went to school..
happily..
cuz thinking of wad happened..
den went dere..
extraordinarily happy..
den went up stage..
den ntg much..
nid keep laporan..
from prefects..
haiz..

den bek to class..
went out..
v her..
walked da whole school..
gav out da papers..
dat was rly nice~

went down dewan..
intend to scold waihong..
cuz let me saw him play badminton v pengawas clothes..
den when i went down..
he change jor..
suan..
lucky..

den bek class..
i rly wonder y..
u oredi hav a gf..
n u still hav to be angry when im v her??
wad do u wan actually??

den bc teac din come in..
den sj..
went to bilik sejarah..
den noticed dat i din bring sj latihan..
den went up agn..
saw cik tan..
den i was wondering..
huh?
den she only noticed she entered wrong time..
so i took my book..
n she told me thursday nid stay bek..

den went down..
den ntg..
recess..
went to giv out da papers to sum other class..
den bek class..
moral..
den only i notice my moral book has problems..
da page suddenly from 100++ to 70++ den to 100++ agn..
den teac talked abt stories..
abt kanak-kanak..
den she let us pratise the drama things..
den dis is a challenge for me..
i've nvr act..
truly act..
n dis time..
is a big challenge..

den physics..
haiz..
terribly sleepy..
nearly fell asleep..
den teac ased seetho to answer..
i was shocked dat time..
den awake jor..
den luckily ernest came n asked me out..
can refresh my mind a while..
den went bek..
continued..
den walked bek..
to the car..
alone..

den bek home..
received a msg from kailin..
said dat da machine is broken..
den my mood jux dropped from 100 to 0..
no mood..
bz finding ppl who can help..
bt cnt..

actually y shud i care??!!
u guys nvr asked me dat u guys hav changed plan..
u guys wanted to sell ABC bt din tell me..
i din knew until u gav me da paper..
so y shud i care so much??
u guys dun even wan my help..
dun even respect me..
u guys decided everything..
n din even inform me..
so now??
y shud i care so much??
dis is nt my plan..
dis is nt wad i agreed..
so im nt suppose to be responsible for da consequences..
ish!!

den tuition..
b4 going out..
dad gt a call..
made me late for tuition..
den reach dere..
u guys all sitting v her..
fine..
i sit in front..
1 hour n 30 min without talking..
den finiz tuition..
still nid to w8 agn..
w8ed..
den bek in car..
sleep..
dun wan talk so much..
dun wan care so much..
rite now..
da feeling has dropped till -50..
i rly hav no mood..

rite now i rly dunno wad to do..
nothing is worth for me to be happy..
noone..
rite now..
im lik falling in a endless hole..
keep falling..
slowly away from the light..
into the dark..
im lost agn..
without any light to brighten up my path..
im alone..
in da space..
without anything..
dunno wad to do..

wad if..
dis is da laz time i can c..
after i closed my eyes..
i will nvr wake up..
wad will u guys react..
i rly hope to noe..
wad if...

those who rly cared abt me..
i rly appreciate it..
bt i sry to say..
i'm letting u down..
i jux cant control myself..

44th day of waiting

44th day of waiting..Mon
2day..
went to skul..
ntg much..
slept behind da table thingy..
nobody rly noticed me dere..
haha..
den suddenly dunno y very crowded when i woke up..
den kailin started to say sumthin..
so i stood up n shown myself~

den ntg jor..
perhimpunan..
stood dere..
with anger n sadness..
whenever i saw it..
it jux makes me go..
ARGH~

den jux stood dere n w8 dem..
den kailin came..
he told me sumthin..
he ask me dun think so much..
den all i wonder is..
how he noe i think too much..
wad he noe i think abt??
i was curious..
den he said he saw seemin v her bf together..
at the bus stop..
omg..
he was shocked..
bt i wasn't rly..

den went bek class..
went to lab..
do da titration(neutralization) experiment..
actually laz week do jor..
bt nid do agn..
cuz laz week failed..
da chemical gt prob..
so dis time do agn..
wow~
nice..
den add math~
i luv LOG!!
den recess..
din tugas..
chat v dem abt carnival..
bt i realised..
v or v/out me..
it doesnt matter..
cuz dey din rly listen to wad i say..
i said many things..
bt dey din care..
all i can do is listen..
n act lik i'm involved..
...
dunno la..
since u guys oredi finiz all..
i dun hav to bother it..

den..
sivik..
teac scolded us..
say wad wad wad..
bt i rly feel proud..
cuz hor..
WHOLE CLASS de book..
all correct de!!
even all answer different..
bt all oso correct..
weird~
"PROUD"

den bm..
ntg much..
waste time~
heard sumthin..
maybe cant rly blame on u..
bt cant u jux mention it earlier??
now suddenly nid do..
very hard de lo..
haiz..

den help mama draw lines for the pizza thing..
den nid thanks many ppl..
yenji, weiyang n some intelek ppl(dun rly noe who)..
all help ~
thx ya~
nt pengawas oso help us~
touched^^

den bek lo..
walking..
went down..
went out..
go bek..
dose were the times..
im happy..
den bek home..
on9 a while..
den while w8ing sailou comment on his status..
wan sleep jor..
suddenly da beep sound..
woke up agn..
den chat v him~
chat chat chat..
den he ask me sleep oo..
ok lo..
even i wanna chat..
bt very tired..
so slept..
4 oclock start..
ask him 'morning call' me on 4.40..
den close jor eyes..
suddenly phone vibrate..
den answer..
den only i noe..
4.40 jor..
omg..
so faz de..
den woke up chat agn..
haiz..
promise jor so long..
till now oso dun hav..
TT

den tuition..
bi teac din come agn..
so did add math n bz taking pic~
den bm..
omg..
sat bside her..
den i started to think of many things..
my plan..
den..
still dun dare...
so w8ed..
den break..
went to find sum teac for help..
cuz..
sy nid confirmation for da letter..
den..
found mr. mark..
den gav him da paper..
den sj..
ntg much..
i stil planned..
i wrote..
"jux wondering..
actually, do i still have a chance?"
then siuhou saw sumthin..
bt i dun wan let him c..
blocked..
den i wanted sy to c..
used my pen to touch her..
den suddenly i dun dare jor..
so i said ntg..
haha..
den ntg jor..
den went bek..
i wrote da msg..
den i doubted..
shud i send or not..
den i send when i saw da time was 10.15..
den i on music..
i told myself..
if she answers me when is playing a sad song..
den is nt a gud 1..
vice versa..
den..
i tried..
den..
long time i din receive ur msg..
anxious..
dunno how..
den suddenly..
my phone vibrated..
da 1st word i saw is "Sry"..
den i dun dare c da msg..
so i kept doubting..
den finally i saw..
i was lik OMG!!
u said u dunno how answer me..
will giv me answer ASAP..
omg!!
at least u din REJECT me!!
omg!!
omg!!
omg!!
rly happy!!
even though u din accept me yet..
bt at least..
u r considering abt it..
means i gt a chance^^
argh!!
so damn happy now!!
even though im eating sumthin cold..
n hard to eat..
bt im still smiling..
haha..
omg~

totally happy..
den 1st time told sailou^^
bt i rly dun wan u moody or crazy la..
be normal k??
dun let things bother u la~
smile ^^
k??

now i rly happy!!
thx ya..
u gav me my happiest moment..
rite here rite now..
PHUNG SWEA YAN!!
thank you..
i will wait until u r calm n finish thinking..
i will..

43rd day of waiting

43rd day of waiting..Sun
early in the morning..
woke up..
den go market..
buy lots of things..
den bek home..
omg..
no time to chop the pork..
den go tuition..
very tired..

when sitting beside u..
was very happy..
bt all on the sudden..
i thought of sumthin..

原来我一直以来都自作多情···
你对我···
没有任何的感觉···
虽然跟你在一起是非常开心的事···
可是当我想起那事实时···
我的心就会禁不住流泪···
就像刚才补习的时候···
我真的顶不顺···
选择坐远些···
可是···
依然想着···
许多个“为什么”···

我不配···
我不够体贴···
我不帅···
又不够聪明···
没有什么值得你去喜欢···
可是为什么···
我却不肯放下···
我该怎么办···

bek home..
feel sad..
den i quickly go n prepare for dinner..
mom haven bek..
so i do myself 1st..
den using da cleaver to release sadness..
den it was lik racing against time..
or else dinner will be late..
im rly disappointed for wad i've made..
even my mom n dad kinda like it..
bt i dont..
is jux not as nice lik my grandma's..
im nt dat gud after all..

den ntg much..

rite now..
i rly wanna find sum1 to talk to..
bt only i realise sumthin..
nobody is dere when i need..
...
how..

42nd day of waiting

42nd day of waiting..Sat
2day woke up..
went to wushu..
wow so crowded la de skul..
gt UKS,karate,KRS n carmen's group~
den saw mui~
chat abt shukoon~
bt ntg much..
den go do sumthin i usually nid to do..
bt hor..
my brain suddenly feel lik lack of oxygen..
maybe is bcuz of my blood prob..
cuz my blood nt as normal as ppl..
bt nt as bad as ppl..
so is moderate..

den while practise..
heard deir singing competition..
when is 'his' turn..
every outside heard..
den~
bla bla bla~
wad rly funny was..
wad coach had said..
damn funny..

den..
jux do wad i usually do..
agn..
den my sword..
haiz..
my hands prac till tired jor..
den..

organ class..
finally settled..
next week no nid go..
can stay back after carnival..

den bio..
talked bt ruminant n rodent..
den rodent eats its own feaces..
den we were lik omg..
so scolding ppl eating shit is nt a bad thing..
haha~

den..
bek home..
w8 for go dinner..
cousin bday..
den prepare everything..
cuz of sum prob..
quarreled v my bro..
bt im da 1 who's wrong..
so..
haiz..
sry~
slept in car..
den woke up in car..
den ntg jor..

reached rawang..
den hav dinner..
ntg much dere..
==
bt keep eating da same food..

den ntg to do..
go in hse watch tv..
find ppl sms..
she reply very slow..
den no reply jor..
den sailou dun wan my bill fly~
so dun wan chat v me..
TT
so bored..

until finally can gt home..
under my persuading..
haha~
bek home..
chat..
webcam-ing v sailou..
haha..
bt blur blur lo..
ur bro very cute ei!!

called grandma~
ask for recipe..
den take jor..
go bath..
bath bek..
chat v yan~
den sailou on jor..
oso chat agn..
den funny thing is..
we chat abt how 'sexy' we r..
haha..
den suddenly very 'ham sap' jor..
haha..
cant bliv a..
u oso lik dat de..
haha~

den suddenly every1 wan off9 jor..
overall~
my day very happy..
bt 1 thing is..
i rly admire many ppl..
especially sailou them..
can be so fren v cousins..
bt mine..
hard to be close..
i can barely rmb deir names..
haiz..
all of them is either too old..
or shud i say im the youngest..
most of them even gt married..
==
no topic to talk abt..
as if dey r too mature..
or im still in my teen life..
haiz..
if i hav a cousin lik sailou has..
if...

OMG!!
suddenly i miss
MUMMIES ALIVE
OMG..
rly hope can watch bt no time..

40th & 41st day of waiting

4oth day of waiting.. thur
din go to skul..
woke up at 10..
prepare jor den go c doc..
w8ed a while..
den go in..
den let him press here n dere..
den say is gastric..
den gav some medicine den bek jor..
den eat lunch..
n medicine..
after eating jor..
feel tired..
bt hav to help my mom wash clothes 1st..
so drowsily..
i went to wash clothes..
after that den jux slept from 12-4..
den woke up..
had lunch..
ate med.
den tired agn..
so skipped tuition class..
den watched movie from 5-6..
after that.
str8 away sleep..
from 6-8..
den woke up..
dinner..
chat..
n ntg much..

the pros n cons of nt going to skul..
pros:
- can rest
- skip oral
- finally noe wad happened to me
cons:
- miss experiment
- teac canceled oral
- cant chat v sailou during pj

so i can conclude is..
i shud go to skul..
TT

haha..
dun think doc say i gastric only..
doesn't mean u dun hav to be responsible!
haha^^
u noe im saying u..

den nite jor..
wan sleep jor..
bt hor..
saw sailou nt yet sleep..
bt he cant on9 jor..
so cant tell wad happened..
so kinda worried..

bro bday!!
bt whole day din c him~
still~
happy birthday!!

41st day of waiting..Fri
2day went to skul early in the morning..
feel lik after weekend..
bt actually is da laz day of school of the week..
so in charge in da assembly..
bla bla bla..
do dis n dat..
bla bla bla...

den bek class..
no nid SJ~
yay~
den math..
suddenly when doing..
i looked in front..
saw mui dere..
den shocked..
den noe y is she here..
to sell sumthin..
so help bong chan lo~

den addmath..
i cant bliv..
yh go n take off his pants..
n underwear oso..
bt very faz..
so cant c anything..
bt was shocked..
too bad din see dou..
bu kan bai bu kan..
haha~
rugi jor^^

recess..
physic~
omg..
teac is rly cute n funny..
even she's nt joking..
she sounded funny..
made every laugh..
i kinda lik her teaching..
even she is strict most of the times..
bt at least funny..
den watched sum vid..
all funny funny de..
1st is lion chasing deer..
2nd is penguin..
3rd s chocolate..
den bek jor..

bi ntg much..
den bek home..
i went 2 da pondok..
w8 for sailou to come out..
try to ask him bout his prob..
bt he no time..
so jux walked out..
din say much..
den bek home..
den had lunch n medicine agn..

feel tired..
even when i wanna bath..
i oso feel sleepy..
den finally finiz..
slept~
den woke up..
tuition..

bek home..
on9..
bt sailou cant on..
den say wan call him de..
say dun wan..
den under my persuade~
he finally agree..
bt end up is him calling me..
n we spoke for about 53 minutes 29 seconds..
omg!!
so damn long..
i oso din notice..
sry ya~
wasted ur money..
haha..
said jor i call end up u call..
(#.#)
bt hor..
during dese few minutes..
know jor lots of things..
n when u say abt wad he said to u..
i felt lik laughing terribly!
wad 1st place..
wad a nice joke!!
HE BARELY EVEN KNOW U!!
pls~
i rly cant stand wad u r doing..
everything makes me wanna ...
XP
u said u will leave..
bt..?
wad did u do..
haiz..
dunno wad word can describe u..
haiz~
n sailou a..
dun gt moody over it la~
anything jux call me n i'll be dere..
24/7
hope u can be happy..
i noe i will~

whole day eat western food..@@
morning-french toast
afternoon-spag+chicken chop
night-rice+chicken chop

haiz..
lately jux feel lik being with u..
when i c sum1 with u..
i will feel jealous n sad..
haiz..
i hope dat u can jux..
bt..
so..
fine~
i'll be da backstage clown of ur show..
hope u will be happy oso..
^^

39th day of waiting

39th day of waiting..Wed
2day woke up..
OMG!!
blackout!
no electricity..
how bath??
suan lo..
jux brushed my teeth n deal v my hair..
omg..
my eyes can barely open..
den went to skul..
tired..
den 2day my turn to gt up on stage..
2day very complicated..
cuz..
rained..
den 2day..
many teac came down n den many pengumuman..
den im quite satisfy for my performance..
even though gt something sounds weird..

chemistry we do titration de experiment.
due to material problem..
every1 failed..
bt dey used 2 mol of hydrochloric acid..
very successful..
bt i din c dou..
den my hand dunno y itch..
i think is cuz i kena dat 0.1 mol de..
bt not so serious la..

den..
recess..
talk to weii..
"jiu ..."
haha..
weii lik to start sentence v dat word..

den bio teac cant teach cuz too bright..
da projector cant be seen..
so jux copy da pre-report..

den bek hse..
saw sailou den walk together lo..
walk till~
gate den separated..
den follow sy^^
haiz..
her bag spoil jor..
TT
den..
bek home..
alone..
chattin v mama..
suddenly..
omg..
mouth lik full of phlegm..
ran to da toilet..
vomited a lil..
den ntg much..
sleep..
den woke up..
had dinner..
my favourite kangkung!!
den bla bla bla..
feel lik vomiting agn..
den mom ask me eat apple..
den finiz jor..
a while later..
ran to toilet..
vomited apple..
finiz jor..
still nt well..
den chat v sailou..
chat chat xia..
omg..
dis is a big 1..
ran agn..
den dis time..
my dinner out jor..
rice all vomited out..
OMG!!
den feel better jor..

den..
nid prepare for my chinese oral..
cant rly memorize..
n is tomolo..
bt im nt going..
going to consult a doctor..

im still feeling very angry..
say wad..
"i wun interrupt u guys..
i will leave.."
den i told u u dun hav to do dat..
den u said u made ur decision..
u will do it..
so i tot u rly did it..
den WRONG!!
u still kept bothering him!
until he gt angry..
still wan other ppl to help u..
say wad..
oral 2molo..
bt no mood prepare..
wtf??
only u gt oral..
only u no mood??
i oso gt oral la!
n u're making me no mood..
den how??
ish~!
dis is all jux wad i feel..

now i dunno wanna be a gud person??
to say gud things abt him..
or be a bad person??
to say bad things abt him..
even though i rly dun lik it..
bt it will be ur choice to decide..
for me..
as long u happy..
den i will jux try to tolerate..

i hav no right to say anything abt it..
bt i rly hate ur attitude..
saying this bt doing different things!!
wher's ur credibility??
i wun trust u!!
dont try to sweet talk me..
i aint gonna bliv ur words anymore..
i once pity u..
bt..
u jux took it to another level!!
omg..
y m i saying so much??
jux leave it la!
live happily~!
with da frenz n 'siblings' who cares abt me..

n dunno y..
suddenly im havin a feel dat..
im acting lik ur bf..
everyday jux wanna acc. u..
protect u..
bt m i being over??
im afraid u will gt annoyed n leave me..
rly hope i can b with u..
bt in ur heart..
u still hav em..
i cnt force u to lik me..
bt i'll try..
my best..
to..
...

last bt not least!!
happy birthday bro!!
haha..
1st time using fb msg to wish u..
weird le..
under 1 roof bt still nid fb~
still wan sms tim~
haha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
is an honour to be ur brother~!
(even though i gt compared v u sumtimes xD)

38th day of waiting

38th day of waiting..Tue
2day..
not feeling well agn..
laz nite i rly no mood..
slept at 2 o'clock..
cried agn..
bt i dun rly noe y..
i hate my self is all i noe..

den dis morning..
feel lik vomiting agn..
dey said yik shen can follow me dis week..
den y is he stil bz v disiplin things..
fine..
i dun hav energy to talk to any1 by then..
so i jux do wad im managed to do..
jux walk around..
c how he do his duty..
den ntg much..
went bek up..
suddenly..
feel lik vomiting..
asked to go to toilet..
den went down..
saw 'them'..
den i went in toilet..
vomited..
den went bek up..
drank a lil water..
den finiz bm..
during da switch..
i went down agn..
saw dem agn..
dis call fren..
care oso din care a bit..
so n agn i went to da toilet..
tried to vomit..
bt wad i vomited is water..
da water i drank jux now..
den done jor..
walked bek..
pass by agn..
ask oso din ask abit..
fine!!
'frenz'

den went bek up..
ntg much..
normal things..

den moral..
hav to stay at dewan..
for da performance..
den sang our song..
since we hav no rehersal..
so..
terrible..

den physic..
oso ntg much..
teac quite funny..
den bek home walk alone..
cuz no1 to acc. with..

2day my mood is terrible..
i hate it very much!!
n is all bcuz of u..
omg..
da best actor award shud go to u!!
nt me!!
im nt as gud as u!!
say wad i dun wan bother u guys..
i will leave..
den end up??
u din do it!!
den??
no wonder u r so nice all on a sudden..
all bcuz u did sumthin u noe i dun lik..
den u dun wan me to noe it..
too bad!!
i knew it!!
say 1 thing..
do another!!
cant u jux keep ur promise for once??
everytime trying to act..
to hope that ppl will pity u!
say wad..
u will die..
dun wan live anymore laz year..
den end up??
still living here!
say 1 thing..
do 1 thing..

pls!!
do wad u said!!
stay away from my life!!
now i rly rly HATE u!!
pls!!

u oredi made me miserable for months laz year..
nt agn!!
u gt lots n lots n lots of bro..
y muz u keep bothering da 1 i care??
now u make him moody oso..
happy now??
u dun lik ppl force u..
den y u keep forcing ppl??
SH!T @SS!!
i rly dun understand y..
y muz u make urself looks better than me??
whenever im with sumthin im gud at..
u will surely make it lik u r better!!
ARGH!!

mom..
i dun understand..
y cant u jux support me..
even if u r worried..
y cant u jux say nicely..
nid to say lik im worthless..
"u cannot handle de la..
let other ppl do la.."
do u noe??
it rly hurts me..
yes..
is very stressful..
bt i hope i can gt support..
if even u guys dun giv me support..
who will??

haiz..
dese 2 days..
rly mentally depressed..
i nid to thx my frenz..
weii,hui,hsien,aii,Yan
n of cuz my sailou..
thx for making me cheer up~~
rly appreciate it!

37th day of waiting

37th day of waiting.. Mon
2day~
went to skul..
anxiously..
cuz i was told to be in charge of da assembly..
den prepare..
feel lik vomiting agn..

den lucky for me..
principal din come..
den teac say himself..
so dun nid prepare jor..
so jux baca ikrar..

so lucky..
so happy^^

chem..
da acid n base rly made me interested agn..
bt kinda complicated..

add math..
do radian..
omg..
4gt jor..
TT

den sivik ntg jor..
bm oso..
bt i saw sumthing!!
rly omg..
i tot i saw wrongly..
her hand is on his leg..
den i saw his hand is holding her hand..
omg..
den brain shocked jor..
den interpret a while..
ask sy dem c..
all oso..
lik shocked..
cant bliv..
dat time damn funny..

den bek home..
followed her..
walked v her..
im happy enuf..

den bek home..
eat..
watch tv..
chat v sailou..
chat until..
no sleep..
no nap..
den nid tuition for 4 hours..
nvm la..
even though tired..
bt..
at least can feel happier..

den tuition..
a lil happy thing happened agn..
i finally dare 2 sit v her..
even though din rly chat much..

2day is rly a happy day for me..
nt sad at all..
until...

bek home..
eating full of appetite..
den eat eat xia..
saw sumthing..
knew sumthing..
dat particular moment!!
i nearly vomited..
den no appetite anymore..
i rly hate it!!
bt most of all..
I HATE MYSELF!!


im nt a gud fren..

im nt a gud prefect!!

im nt a gud bro at all..


I HATE MYSELF!!

sry ppl..
other than that..
i dunno wad to say anymore..
jux sry...

36th day of waiting

36th day of waiting..sun
2day..
early in the morning..
woke up from a call from grandpa..
he said he will be coming around 15-20 min..
so woke up n prepare..
den go bro de convocation day..




den after that went to Concorde..
ate dim sum dere..
happy~!

den went KLCC~
shopping..
annabel saw me bt i dunno..
den walk walk walk..
walk with my new shoes!
happy~!
den bought sumthin..
i saw a toy dog!
damn cute!
intend to buy for u..
bt my mom say it is worthless..
nt useful..
so din buy..
TT
it costs around 40++
haiz..
regret din buy..
very cute de..

den..
bek..
on the way..
went to buy new school shoes..

den go 1U..
bro help me wax jor hair only go~



haiz..
no ticket jor..
so went buy food..
saw my aunt dere..
talked a lil..
den continue..
i ate da KFC newest food..
den go bowling jor~
omg..
dunno y..
dis time lik shit agn..
lost all my form..
laz time still very gud de..
bt..
dese few times very..
omg..

den haiz..
went for snooker..
bt since im a beginner..
so jux simply play..
jux hit any ball..
no follow colour..
bt very satisfy..
cuz i hit in 11 balls..
da laz 3 balls is wad i liked da most..
3 diff balls in 3 diff place..
i hit 3 into da hole continuously..
3 diff spots..
n den all far from hole de..
omg..
i was lik..
weird~
sumthin came into my body n took over it..
suddenly so gud..
dis only my 3rd time playing..
n da laz time i played was lik years ago..
haiz~
jux satisfy~

den bek lo..
den it reminds me of sumthin..
yesterday i saw an aunty~
da blocking metal at da pay station dere..
nearly hit her..
luckily..
hit in front only..
din hit on head..
omg..
so close..
da security still laugh..

den ntg much..
very anxious..

35th day of waiting

35th day of waiting.. sat
early in da morning..
woke up..
cuz of call from coach..
he told me to bring RM 130..
for da sword..
den go dere..
prac sword whole day..
kinda fun..
my sword:

den bek jor..
go for organ lesson..
den play play play..
my class suppose 30 min..
bt end up 1 hour only end..
haha..
teac din say anything bout it..

den go for bio..

den bek jor..
ntg much..
den w8 till go sg. wang..
for dinner..
omg damn hungry..
eat jor..
walk to times square..
to buy da things my mom wanted me to buy..
MY SHOES!!
dat is my new shoes..
i luv it~!
very bright in colour..
maybe dis pic a bit dark..
bt da real thing very bright..
i lik it..
bt i costs 399..
omg..
my bday present la~
haha..
den wan buy present de..
bt too late jor..
many shops closed..
so bek home lo..
2molo mission..
walk away n buy present..
is a muz!!
or else i no chance buy jor..

2molo bro convo..
gonna go take many many pics~
muahaha..

haiz..
da moment im afraid is coming nearer..
i muz conquer it!!
by then!!
i will think back n laugh at it!!
IN YOUR FACE!!
going mad soon if i keep on lik dis..
muz sot a lil to prevent it..
^^

34th day of waiting

34th day of waiting..Fri
2day is a day wher my stress all came out..

dis morning..
rly feel uncomfortable..
i vomited twice..
fortunately..
in da toilet..
bt..
nobody knew..
nobody saw..
dey saw me coming out with tears in my eyes..
so dey tot i cried..
rly suffering..
sourish..
da feeling..
rly bad..
dat was da time i needed sum1..
sum1 to care abt me..
sum1 to ask whether m i ok..
bt..
nobody was dere..
so jux did everything myself..
since i've grown up..
nid to do thing by myself..
bt i rly hope for sum1 to care..
bt..


den as usual..
did everything..
feeling better..
worse..
better..
worse..
keep changing..

den ntg much..
physics..
we do bernoulli's principle experiment..
is kinda ok..
bt din rly noe wad r we doing wrong..
cuz a lil weird..
bt nt bad..
da things r indeed fragile n da rubber very hard to stuck..
haiz..
bt i managed to do it..
or shud i say WE..

den ntg much..
go for meeting..
many things hav changed..
or shud i say will be changed..
after that went out dewan..
found sailou..
sat v him..
listen to singing competition..
den only i knew it..
i cant mix with dem..
sat dere..
cant rly talk..
maybe a lil..
bt sumhow..
jux feel lik dere's wall..

den he told me a 'long' story..
sum1 nt feeling well..
den another person asked him to send sum1 a msg..
ask sum1 to take care..
den start sms until very stupid..
actually i dun rly gt it..
bt dis 'long' story which took 30 sec to tell..
hav kept me waiting for hours..
==
rly rly zd..

den..
silence..
saw u guys playing..
bt i jux cant fit in..
so jux listen to song to jux distract myself..

rite now..
dis moment..
im stressed out..
i cant stand it..
i wanna leave..
bt i cant..

many burden r on me..
i dunno how handle..
prefect's thing..
i nid to think abt da position of F3 prefects..
even though they chose..
bt..
still gt some conflict..
nid to solve it..
bt dis is jux a lil minor..
bt i noe many wun lik da decisions..
pls!!
tell me how 2 do..

den monday..
principal suddenly go n say..
pengawas nid to start it..
n is my turn!!
how??!!
ARGH!!

exam coming soon..
so is my organ exam..
im nt prepared for it!!
total OMG!!
ARGH!!

friendship!
y m i stil being so sensitive..
n u!!
y..
whenever i saw sum1 chattin v u..
i will feel..
very very angry..
y??!!
i dun hav da right to stop u from socialling v others..
bt..
i jux gt jealous whenever i see u..
i rly wanna be with u..
bt.
i noe ur heart is with him..
how..

TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!
tell me..
i dun wanna be so sensitive anymore..
i dun wanna be so bossy anymore..
i dun wanna be so selfish anymore..
tell me wad to do..
pls..

STRESS STRESS STRESS!!
+ im sick for weeks..
ARGH!!

i rly nid peace to calm myself..
CALM

33rd day of waiting

33rd day of waiting..thur
laz nite chatted v many ppl..
chat v mama abt 'him'
mama told me sumthin..
very funny..

wad "he will start find him sms everyday..
den apa ben dan oso come out liao.."
dis i rly agree..
when i saw..
i rly laugh until..
omg!!
so true!!
call dou bendan so sweet..
now is bro or couple??
rly zd xia de lo..

mama very funny!!

den nite..
mom keep asking to bed..
den i was chattin v sailou..
chat chat xia..
SHIT!
4gt do PJ nota..
den rush..
finiz jor..
SHIT AGN!!
din do chinese..
den rush~~!!

finiz jor..
sailou oso off jor..
so i oso sleep lo..
end up oso 12 sumthin sleep..
haha..

den dis morning..
woke up..
dun feel lik eating..
prepare den go skul..
early in d morning..
see carmen dem performance..
nice~!
bt dun hav climax only..
or else..
PERFECT!

den..
ntg much..
everything as usual..
den math..
teac din come..
den BC teac came in..
den da class on 1 o'clock canceled..

den teac said a lot of things..
abt our chinese future in dis country..
in dis school..
to sum ppl..
maybe dey will think dose r nonsense..
bt it rly touched me..
i felt touched..
it rly made me wanna improve my bc..
make me more interested..
bt..
da prob is..
my BC still sucks..
TT
dunno how..
rly feel dat..
wad she said is da truth..

den after skul..
called my dad to come..
so w8ed outside skul..
v sailou..
chatted..
for quite sum time~
nid w8 dad fetch bro 1st..
den xh pass by..
shun bian send him home..
since alone..

den bek..
slept..

den woke up..
BERSUSAH-PAYAH..
den..
went for tuition
reached..
say no electricity..
canceled..
den bek jor..
say electrice bek jor..
on agn..
APA LA!!
no transport jor..
so..
TT
ish~
bek cek!!

im lost in my own path..
i wan to find my aim..
my future..
i wan to learn..
learn to be less sensitive..
bt can i??

mui~
dey dun appreciate u den dun bother them ba~!
as long u think u did ur best..
den ok jor~

sailou a!!
follow her better..
at least acc her..
follow bhind her even she's v her frenz..
dun nid paiseh 1~
jiayou!

32nd day of waiting

32nd day of waiting..Wed
2day..
woke up..
OMG!!
6.45!!
i usually go to skul at 6.45..
bt now!!
omg!!
rush rush rush!
took my bath quickly n rush to skul..
luckily i was nt late..

den as usual lo..
go up 2 class..
find chairs..
den start class..
bored bored bored..

recess..
chatted..

bek to class..
my turn to oral..
ish..
abt turtles..
@@
nt rly gud..
bc gt stay back..
bt teac wan dem oral..
kinda funny..
im getting more n more afraid..
bt y hor..
next week muz be my turn..
==
nervous..
TT

den bek jor..
ntg much..
play pokemon^^

haiz..
i feel..
kinda frustrated..
bt now i kinda thought through it..
da more i think..
da more i will do..
da more i do..
da worse it gets..
so..
all i can say is..
i'll try my bez to get over it..
even is hard..
bt i'll TRY..
be wadeva u lik..
do wadeva u wan..

I'll do wad it takes to save my friendships..

I will~!!

31st day of waiting

31st day of waiting..Tue

changed da header of my blog..
sailou c dou sure very zd de..
da file u sent me..
i kept in da folder for a long time jor..
now finally take back out..
zd le~~

laz nite..
b4 sleeping..
cried agn..
dis time..
when i listened to da song..
tears came out naturally..
by then..
i cried..

dis morning..
went to skul..
tired..
den agn..
feel lik vomiting..
agn..
rly nt well..
dunno y dese days my stomach nt so well..
keep feeling lik wanna vomit oso..
TT

den BC period kinda cute xia..
teac said many things dat i feel funny..
den 1 time she asked us 2 stay for a while b4 going to b.sejarah..
den suddenly sum1 came in n asked us to go down 2 dewan..
for ceramah..
den sum1 in front clapped..
haha..
den teac asked..
who is our sj teac...
den dey said..
den she said no wonder..
haha..
den asked us agn..
if BC go ceramah..
will we clap..
den dey say will..
haha..
rly funny..

den ceramah..
1 hour..
all i noe is..
save 10% of money in bank..
dat's all..
den..
moral..
very funy..
carmen nearly slept..
teac saw n asked her to answer questions..
bt she still can catch up..
geng~

den physics..
duno y teacher..
b4 starting class..
let us listen a song..
da same song dat i cried when i heard it laz nite..
"The Climb"
it is an old song..
bt it brought out a lot of memories..
da memories between u n me..
it makes me sad agn..
bt teac started teaching..
den she said a lot of stories..

den went bek..
go hav haircut~
long time no go out cut jor..
kinda short..

den tuition..
learnt abt differentiation..
omg..
terribly weird n hard..
dunno apa ia cakap..

haiz..
i rly feel..
urgh~!
u gt so many brothers jor..
now u still wan to gt jealous bcuz im closer v him..
hello??
u gt tons of 'brothers'..
every year oso gt..
i only gt 1 bro..
now u r jealous cuz of it??
argh~!
y muz ya interfere my life..
ish~~!!!
fine~~
jux dun do anything dat mke me angry in front of me..
pls..
i beg u..

haiz..
hate that i love u??
or love dat i love u..
u rly gav me a lot of memories..
nice 1..
sad 1..
bt..
it rly hurts me..
2 c u with other guys..
i noe i shudn't be lik dis..
n i dun hav da right to be lik dis..
bt..
im easily jealous..
jealous abt u..
im so sry..
i rly miss u..

lately rly gt a lot of ups n downs..
bt im rly happy cuz gt 1 sailou supporting me..
haha..
thx ya~~
so lately nid torture ur ears with all my complains..
sry ya ^^

29th, 30th day of waiting

29th day of waiting..Sun
tired..
woke up..
went tuition..
den bek..
dinner at 5.30..
den chat..
rly happy when chatting v sailou..
rly can feel happier..
calmer..
thx~~
rmb u muz be responsible a!!^^

30th day of waiting..Mon
2day kinda bored..
at skul..
after perhimpunan den check books..
actually monday less period..
bag very light de..
bt 2day gt check books..
so end up nid bring lots of things..
den bek class..
ntg to do..
bek class..
den do ntg..
bm dat time..
went to sit v susie..
den think abt da moral song for 2molo..
very funny xia~

kami rakyat malaysia
yi ya yi ya oh~
melayu india dan cina
hidup bahagia~
rakyat malaysia
cinta malaysia~
dahulu rakyat
utama wawasan~
ini satu malaysia
yi ya yi ya oh~

(from O'Mac Donald song)
very funny xia..
den go bek..
agn..
walked v her..
rly happy..

bt..
haiz..
im stil cant gt over it..
whenever i c u with another guy..
i will feel very very very jealous..
i rly hate dat feeling..
i rly hope i can b v u..
bt..
y??!!
i can gt jealous easily..
i hate it!!
hate dis kind of feel..
argh!!!!
is a total suffer now!!!

I rly LOVE you!!!!!!!!!!

26th,27th,28th day of waiting

26th day of waiting..Thur
we did experiment during BIO..
calories de..
kinda fun cuz can c da nuts burn..
especialy cashew nuts..
burn till very nice..
den da boiling tube whole thing oso burned till black jor..
nice~
bt no chance take pic..
den da water rly boiling..
at 100 degree celcius..
keep boiling..

den PJK..
walked with weii..
wan find sailou de..
told jor him i gt PJK dat day..
den at dewan dere look rite loo left..
nobody..
walk here n dere..
cant find..
den dey finiz recess jor..
only saw him coming out fro pameran buku..
ish~
den nvm..
go bully my "bf" n "gf"..
haha..
only weii noe~

bi oral..
my turn de..
bt i wasn't around..
so teac gav it to xh..
n i missed my turn..
DaMN..

dat day oso is carmen's bday..
haha..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY~

27th day of waiting..Fri
after recess..
dun hav class jor..
cuz all teac din come..
so 1 funny thing..
weiyang wore annie's pinafore..
damn cute..
like an apron..

den sy n i play 'baseball'..
she took out umbrella..
used it as bat..
she asked me to throw at her..
den i throwed her eraser at her..
den she hit bek..
OMG..
da eraser kena my nose..
den no play jor..
^^
den ntg much..
when going bek..
saw sailou de..
wanna chase up..
bt walked too faz..
cant catch up..
TT
anyway~
THX sooo much for da movies..
now i can watch jor..
even though dunno when i free la..
cuz kinda bz lately..
bt thx^^

den at nite..
after bath..
feeling not well..
lik wanna vomit..
bt ntg to vomit..
i tried bt cant..
den watch twilight..
nt bad~
a movie dat wud make me wanna noe de storyline..
nt bad~

28th day of waiting..Sat
early in the morning..
went to wushu..
den coach say yantong n i learn sword..
i was lik WOW..
den practise dat whole day^^

so after dat went for organ class..
OMG..
da hearing session damn hard ei!!
i dunno how 2 start..
bt overall still manageable..

den tuition jor go hsien hse..
play card..
having quite a luck~
den hsien's mom brought us to QQ steamboat..
to celebrate SookFen's Bday!!
da place nt bad..
all u can eat..
23++ per person..
i kept making weird food..
lik fried noodles n fried kangkung..
rly not bad lo!!
even though i dun hav full supply lik salt n wadeva..
bt i tried adding things..
dat noodles i rly loved it!!
bt xh oso wan eat..
so cant eat all~
den i rly 4gt abt everything..
sumhow..
u hav to tell me da things dat i dun lik to hear..
after hearing u say dat..
i totally lost my mood!!
all my mood..
gone!!
so jux endure..
go n c dem sing bday song..
den take vid n pics..
den giv present..
den bb..

den we walked to Jusco..
to watch Twilight:Eclipse..
nt bad oso..
jux..
while watching i rly dun hav mood cuz of other things..
wad dey say is rly nt wad u rly mean..
dey jux saying gud things for u..
Jealousy rly hurts..
even da movie is nt bad..
bt i dun rly hav da mood to watch..
den go bek lo~
da Best Actor Award shud go to me..
im nt in da mood..
bt i managed to change a smile..
a natural 1 once i stepped down da car..
so dat my parents wun rly notice..
i hate dis feeling..
i dun lik to c it!!
i hate it!!!!!!!!!

actually i rly envy dem..
can hav a happy birthday to be celebrated happily..
v frenz..
v lotz of presents..
EVERYTHING!!
bt every year..
mine is during da holidays..
my presents..
is nt how much i expected..
bt presents aren't wad i hope for..
i rly hope i can be lik dem..
at least gt da chance to hear..
dis year..
even though is only a cake.
bt i do appreciate it..
thx..
rly hope....
....
...
..
.

Y muz 'bella' choose 'edward'??
'Jacob' oso lik her..
bt y muz it be 'edward'??
y??
I may nt be as goodlooking as Jacob..
bt i will be lik him..
i will w8 for u..

25th day of waiting..

25th day of waiting..Wed
early in da morning..
go canteen stand..
den w8 perhimpunan..
den gt pengumuman..
practise 1st..
den teac ask me..
he read or i read..
i say..
anything oso can..
den he said he read la..
^^

den kinda many things happened..
all i saw is irresponsibility..
dun mention bout it..
bt nid thx yik shen oso..
bt i saw sumthin dat im quite satisfy with..

den start class jor..
din go up..
went all form 3 classes to giv da notice..
nt enuf..==
den finiz pm din go in class..

~skip~

class kinda bored~
BC class cancelled agn..
3 week..
without Bc lesson..
den after laz class..
rained..
heavier n heavier..

i rly enjoyed walking with u..
alone..
jux the two of us..
i rly enjoyed it..
i enjoy da times when i managed to touch ur hand..
even we r jux playing..
bt..
i rly enjoy d moment..
i wanna be with u..

bt..
whenever i see him..
i'll feel frustrated..
don he hav his own life??
keep on coming 2 disturb u..
u wan disturb oso suan la..
dunno how respect teacher a??
teacher in front dere..
u jux came in without knocking..
who u think u r??!!
live ur own life la..
argh!!
i rly feel moody instantly when i c u disturbing her..
rly rly dun lik it..
im too easy to gt jealous..

friends!!!
argh!!
is it my DUTY to help u guys take da notes when u guys went 2 da camp without me?
is it???
i helped u guys is bcuz we r 'friends'..
bt i dun think dat's wad u think..
i help u guys take is a must..
i dun hope for anything..
jux word..
THANKS~
is enuf..
bt no!!
nt even 1 of u said dat..

urgh!!
den??
ever since form 1 n form 2..
i was in da pingpong club..
bt laz year followed u guys went bola tampar..
den dis year..
went ping pong...
din even reserve a place for me..
went dere tell me full dy..
den i saw all my so called frenz dere..
WTF??!!
den i join other group of frenz..
den did u guys invite me to any of ur games??
no~

dun mention to me wad best buddies anymore..
2 u guys..
im nt 1 of u guys..
u guys r best buddies..
IM NOT!!!
till now..
nt one of u guys ever come n ask me y i lock my blog..
fren enuf??
din bother at all..
if dis is wad u wan..
den dis is wad u gt..
i rly stopped talking v u guys anymore..
if i talk oso a lil..
i wun be talking lik i used to be..

n u!!
i saw lots n lots of ugly pics of urs..
u din scold dem!!
bt u came n scold me when i posted 1 pic of u..
dat was jux a natural pic of u..
do u havv to scold me lik i killed ur whole family??
wad wad wad respect..
if i dun treat u as a fren..
i wun even wanna post or keep dat pic..
dat was jux 1 naturl pic of u..
u say ugly!!
fine ugly ppl normal pic oso ugly de la..
den y u keep saying self lengzai..
ur skin soooo thick..
dun noe wad us MALU at all..
use ur brain think la..
i jux post it n u scold me lik hell..
other ppl??
dey post..
bt u din scold..
say wad respect wad shit!
u go tell them la!
ish!!
if dis da way u treat ur 'friends'..
den i rather dun be ur fren..
no benefits..
u bring me ntg bt misery!!

struggling between love n hate..
i rly hate it bcuz u oso did wad dey do..
bt..
when i look at u..
i jux cant hate u anymore..
in fact..
i cant stop loving u..
how??!!!

say wd wad wad relationship all lie!!
nid ur help den only find u!!
no nid den dun even choi..
from laz time oso..
im nt s important as dem..
u nvr found me.
tell me ur problems..
i find u u oso lik dun wn bother me..
say dis say dat..
all is a lie!!

i rly had enuf of u guys!!
if dis is da way im treated..
it will be da same for u..
at most..
i live alone..
nvm..
i still hav my bro n sis..

ARGH!!!
feeling much better after typing everything out!!
indeed is a gud choice to lock my blog..
even though no1 can c it..
bt at least i can feel better!

24th day of waiting..

24th day of waiting..tue
2day..
went skul..
sat down..
thinking..
wad will happen next..

actually ntg will..
so jux duty..
sailou very notty a..
keep playing other ppl bag dere..
let me c dou jor..
^^

den study lo..
my heart has flew sumwher else..
no heart to study..

bc no teac agn..
sj kinda funny tho~
bt still very hard..
n sleepy @@

recess jux walked around..
do wad i usually do..

moral..
haiz..
gonna make wad song..
y so many weird hw wan???
dunno how do..

den physic..
ntg to do..
keep walking here n dere..
to spend time..
help teac duty..
go class take attendance..
walk here n dere..
teac very funny de..
laz tolong pergi library..
den went jor..
finiz jor..
den agn..
laz, pergi surau..
==
rly omg..

so went bek..
prepare bek home..
overall ntg much..

den went bek..
still thnking..
den tuition den ntg..

dese few days..
im being more n more bad tempered..
so..
pls..
stop making me angry..
especially dat SH!T..
y keep wan annoy me..
i oredi dun wan bother..
u kept on stepping on me..
i rly rly hate u now..
u noe how u duty??
lik a piece of sh!t..
nobody likes u..
is a weird thing u hav a gf anyway..
I HATE U!!
i respected u once..
bt u r da 1 who thinks u r everything..
dun think u r english educated den u r sooo gud..
u r still nt my competitor!!
dun make me gt angry n scold at u!!

omg..
lately rly aad tempered..
makes me keep wanna scold bad words..
bt still can control..

haiz..
i rly hate it when i listened to da so called 'camp song'..
i rly rly hate it!!!
ARGH!!!!

STOP REMINDING ME OF IT ANYMORE!!
PLS!!
I RLY HATE HEARING DOSE THINGS!!

sailou wont on9 lately...
TT
no1 to chat to..
ARGH!!
brain gonna burst!!

23rd day of waiting..

23rd day of waiting..mon
2day updated my blog early..
cuz later i dun think much will happen..
only tuition..

2day early in the morning..
went to skul..
as i figured out..
kl,yx n sf oso no come..
==
so i jux memorize da ikrar agn..
den all of dem hav keys..
i don!!
n all of dem din come...
~~
den went up..
so lucky..
cik tan wanted to fnid yingxin..
2 giv her da key!!
omg..
luck~
den open door..
2 let them carry da sits~

so perhimpunan..
rly dunno wad to do..
i feel da burden upon me..
so went up..
say out..
a nt too big problem~
bt only some words jux din come out rite..

so finiz~
phew..
so did as usual..
finiz duty..
went up class..
dey started talking abt deir camp..
da more dey talk abt..
da angrier or sadder i m..
cuz..
i rly feel..
URGH!!!

if u wanted sum1 to go??
won u ask for at least a few times..
to persuade him/her to go??
bt no~
da way dey ask me is..
A: hey u going......??
B: yea.......
Me:(silent)
A: (telling me)hey u wanna go??
Me: erm.. i dunno..
A: nvm..

==
dis is jux wad dey asked..
i was so coincidentally dere when they were talking abt it..
if it wasn't for dat..
dey wudn't even ask me at all..
i rmbed i wanted sum1 to go so badly..
i kept asking..
rly hoping her to go..
bt now..
all dey said is jux once..
dey nvr asked me..
nt sincerely i noe..

dis r my frenz..
if dat person is him??
i dun think u guys will do dat..
u guys wud keep asking him rite??

den u guys were soooo happy talking bout it..
im jux sitting aside..
faking a smile..
acting lik im interested..
den yenji came n asked me..
y u din go..
den only u guys say..
yalo, y u dun wan go..
u guys nvr mention to me abt dat b4 she asked me..
from dis..
it clearly states dat im nt important at all in u guys heart..
to u guys..
IM NOTHING!!!
with or without me..
u guys will still be very happy!

y!!
dis r called frenz???!!!!
y other ppl will persuade me..
bt y nt u guys??
da ""BEZ FRENS""..

u guys rather persuade other ppl..
bt me..
i noe im nt from khai chee!
bt y he is nt from khai chee..
bt he gets different treatment??

frenz..
always by ur side..
bt r u guys by my side..
2day after duties during da recess..
u guys jux walked away..
leaving me alone to switch off da lights of da hall..
talking happily walking away..
dis is frenz!!
leaving me..
walking bek alone..

rly..
y??
when i try to share my problems..
u guys will jux giv me a cold shoulder..
giving lame answers lik..
@@
en..
dis will oso be da way i reply next time..
all i wan is jux some advice..
a normal 1..
1 dat normal ppl understand..
bt no~
all i gt is..
oo
en..
fine!!

now i rly dunno wad to do..
everyday nid to fake a smile to ppl..
no1 noes wad im truly thinking..
no1..
i guess..
pls..
rly hope sum1 can understand me..

21st, 22nd day of waiting..

21st day of waiting..sat
saturday..
nobody fetch me go school for wushu..
so slept lo..
frenz all at skul..

went for organ practice..
went dere 30 min earlier..
cuz of bro..
so waited..
den teac set da rhythm..
nice~
maybe 1 day record down..
XD
bt im nt too gud oso..
haha.
xiasui-kan~

den went for bio..
sat alone~
den saw da notes..
we can gt vitamin B from:
Black-eyed peas..
teac oso nt sure wad lai de..
jux guess..
den i thought..
listen to deir songs oso gt vitamin..
^^
den laugh to myself..
==

so went bek..
hav dinner..
chat..
play pokemon..
plant Vs zombie..
fb~

dis is da 1st nite without mahjong..

im rly missing every moment..
every moment we've been thru..
i...
..

22nd day of waiting..sun
no go jog..
cuz laz nite slept late..

woke up with a sore back..
played pokemon!!
all my Eevee-s evolved!!
vaper,jolt,flar,esp,umbr,leaf,glac-eon
all 7 oso evolve jor~
achieved my dream~

den prepare n went for tuition..
2day sat v shukoon n sifu..
wd happened is kinda funny..

...

bek jor..
chat a while with sailou..
den went out agn..
to rawang..
go hav dinner with grandpa@ma..
so went dere..
while going..
passed by a jammed road..
den look around us..
OMG!!
monkeys!!
damn lot..
damn cute..
bt damn pity..
cuz dey r searching for food..
n dey lost deir habitat..
cuz humans cut down trees to develop..
y!!!
ish..
den pass by da jammed road..
is actually every1 wnted to see monkeys..
ntg 2 jam about in front..==

den sms v sailou..
yea..
da bills..
up up up up up~~
up~
up~~
even if da sky is flying up~
==
bt nvm la..
worth it..
since i oso saved a lot of money during da recess..
as a substitution la~
at least sms le can feel happier..

den went bek..
did ntg..
den rmb gt hw..
RUSH!!

den after i finiz my report..
only i noe i did it wrongly..
den do agn..
TT
wasted 2 papers..
haiz..

...
now every1 bek from camp jor..
i noe many will cut school 2molo..
cuz tired..
bt i hope i can c u guys..
...

yea..
i kinda agree now..
since Woody can do it..
i shud oso do it..
y shud i be sooo sensitive abt it..
i will try my bez..
2 change myself..
I'll try...
hope so....

20th day of waiting..

20th day of waiting.. Fri
2day is our school's open day..
early in morning..
jux go n prepare things..
den tugas~

i jux observe ppl..
n try to help..
ntg much..
nt as much as dose who r at da gate..
keep running up n down..
rly feel guilty..
den dun force dem la..
dey oso wun rest..
rly wanna thank dose who in charge at da gate..

den jux walk here n dere..
did ntg much..
den gt 1 'gathering haram'..
we sat dere at da corridor..
a bunch of pengawas..
funny dao~~~
den jy keep bully yongwai n yau..
c!!!
tell u dun wan listen..
make dou ppl bu shuang jor lo..
haha~

den ntg much..
took many pics..
maybe put next time..
bt if put..
sure let ppl hit..
so hmm~~
dunno^^

den jux spend time at skul..
teacha said ntg bad abt me..
haha..
overall ok..
only weak in Bm,Pm, Sj..

den ntg much tho~
so w8ed until 12.30..
1 by 1 went bek..
only seemin n loohong still dere..
doing deir duty..
so jux acc dem lo..
cuz feel guilty..
den went up put paper..
saw mrs.lee..
den she insisted to treat a bottle of drink..
thanks~

den went bek..
a parent came..
asked for 5I..
den is saw loohong dun feel lik bringing..
so i jux took over..
brought her to da taman..
she say she wan to find da 2nd class..
which was dedikasi..
since we've changed..
den i thought of maybe dun hav teac..
since every teac went down..
so i suggested dat i go up n check.
so dat she won hav to go up for ntg..
den she saw she wans to find lynnyen..
oo!!
she's chiwing's mom..
cant recognize..
den went up..
found her..
went down..
den rest lo..
no duty jor..

so bilik pengawas locked..
den went to xh hse..
since ntg to do at skul..
every1 haven come..

walk alone..
legs very tired jor..
still wan go so far..
..
alone~
thought of a lot of things..
keep asking myself y..
y dis y dat..
dis is da challenge god gav it to me..
dis person is da challenge on me..
on da way..
let 1 L- licence driver horn..
her car very far jor..
very slow..
den many car overtake jor..
i saw it coming very slow..
jux cross da road lo..
oso kena horn..
haha..
den pass by 1 hse..
din c dou da dog..
suddenly bark beside me..
shocked agn..
haha

den reach jor..
chat..
sailou rly geng wo..
lik dat oso guess dou is me..
means u noe my way of talking..
haha..
touched~~

den walk bek to skul agn..
==
reach jor..
w8 a while den only go out eat..
while eating..
chat a lil..

den bek dere..
w8 for dad to come..
sum still think i come for camp..
funny..
in my uniform??
impossible..
den i called my dad to come fetch me at 2.30..
bt he came at 3..@@
ish..
nvm..
jux sat dere n chat..

den bek jor..
erm..
mood..
same..
slept..
woke up..
mood..
same..
den heard dat afternoon gt teacher stil rmb me..
n gt praise me oso..
^^
haha
happy~~

a different tuition feel 2day..
cuz out of 5 ppl..
im da only 1 who came..
so sat alone at da corner..
ken say..
da month of 7 dun go camping..
u will see white things float by~
if dun bliv..
go toilet in da middle of da night..
or peek into da room..
zd..
den sum1 say..
"u gt eye prob ar.."
dunno how translate la..
bt kinda funny..

almost 8..
received 1 msg..
den sms jor..
den bek home..
den ntg..
mood..
worse after thinking of things..

yes..
many r asking da same question..
bt my answer is...
...
nvm..
is jux da matter of my fate..
perhaps it wud be happier without....

im WOODY..
haha..
only sum1 noe y..
XD

yor..
y bek so early..
no chance take pic v u eii!!!
TT

saw sumthin at fb..

☆YOU CALL ME A BITCH ☆
☆A BITCH IS A DOG☆
☆DOGS BARK☆
☆BARK IS ON TREES☆
☆TREES ARE NATURE☆
☆NATURE IS BEAUTIFUL, ☆
☆SO THNX FOR THE COMPLIMENT☆

dis is hilarious..
nvr thought of it dat way..
haha..




Wondering wad will u be doing in dese 3 days..

cant c ya..

wad r u doing now??

haiz..

nt important anymore..

^^-Forever Forgetful-^^

19th day of waiting..

19th day of waiting.. Thur
2day..
im very very very moody now..

dis morning..
is my turn to go up stage..
weirdly..
2day is akwardly weird..
so many teachers there..
many pengumuman..
den pn. Norli oso tried to train me..
damn scary man..
den she stand bside me n wanted me to read..
omg..
so many errors..
many wrong..
omg..
den teac say..
mana blh macam ini baca..
den tell kailin teac me..
den i was lik..
omg..
i dunno wad i did..
bt i rly wan thank her..
cuz she rly gav me an experience..
a special 1..
im nt sure i can do it anot..
im rly rly afraid now..
i dun hav wad it takes to be 1..

den go hav meeting..

den go bio lab..
den PJK..
ish..
i din even noe nid to pass up..
so y wud i pass up..
i din wad u asked for..
bt i din pass up..
den i jux gt hit by a cane..
dis is rly..
ARGH!!!!!
in dis scold..
i wasn't hit by a cane b4..
except for da 1 Pn.Tong(retired) gav..
i still rmbed till now..
every1 making noise..
i sit dere..
quietly..
dinn take out book only..
den i gt hit..
others gt book bt noisy din..
ish..

den dis time..
din pass up bt i did..
oso kena..
ARGH!!!

den suan..
went down..
dun feel lik playing..
so jux took my shirt..
den go stand bside badminton court..
chat v sailou..
haiz..
den shouted a lil..
cuz litter bugs..
den dat SHIT..
haiz..
bully my sailou..
feel self useless..
cant 'protect' him..
sry..

den dey went bek up..
so went pingpong dere stand..
went dewan..
saw ky's drawing..
wow..
better than mine ALOT!!

den..
haiz..
recess..
y..
my plan always gt ruined..
nearly..
i jux gt a close chance..
den..
u guys come ruin it..
...
blablabla..

den bi..
math..
all ntg much..

so went bek..
ntg much..
at gate agn saw sailou..
he told me..
his sj project gt prob..
den sumhow..
my mood turn bad..
cuz i cant help him when he's in nid..
my CPU is nt with me..
ntg is dere to connect dat damn printer..
rly feel useless..
cant help when he's in nid..
...

...
...
...

den tuition..
very..
haiz..
everytime oso..
jealous..
ARGH!!!

bek jor..
did ntg bt msn..

...
no mood..
dunnno y..
no appetite eat jor..
eat 1 bite..
den gt vomit de feel..
very hard only finiz 1 bowl of rice..
...

moody..
dunno y..
since std 1..
im very sensitive..
especially when it comes to frenz..
dunno y..
i always hav da feel dat i can hav da person to be my fren..
only me..
y do i keep having dis kind of thinking..
it is rly a suffer for me..
i jux cant control myself..
from thinking abt it..
im sry abt it..
i hate it..
bt i jux cant change it..
perhaps is a part of me..
my signature personality..
dat's wad makes me guilty of livin my life..


im rly rly rly..
frustrated of myself..
i hate myself...

mui...
din chat v u muxh lately..
bt i noe u gt some prob de..
jux dun think so much ba..
do wadeva dat makes u happy..

sailou..
u oso..
dun think so much jor ba..
u will hav da chance de..