47th day of waiting

47th day of waiting..Thur
2day..
my mood overall was happy, sad n jealous..

early in the morning..
went to skul..
den start memorizing for my oral..
den went on stage..
Cik Tan scared me..==
den help students rearrange sits..
bt feel lik my presence was useless..
im ntg..

den wasted lots of periods doing dat..
so it was PJK..
i used dat time to memorize at dewan..
den suddenly..
i looked bhind..
wah!!
cake fight..
3D de ppl..
cakes..
all over the floor..
waste lo..
da cake so big..
nt cheap de lo..
now all waste..
den scold dem..
ask dem go sweep..
den dey wash demselves..
den sailou came..
chat v him a lil..
bt he seem lik kinda nervous or afraid..
lik wanna run away..
den suan le ba..
he went bek up stairs..
i continue my oral..

recess..
u sat bside me..
den ask me da food nice anot..
den i ask u wan try??
u rly did!!
omg~
dat moment was totally..
^^
den went walk walk~
den pass by 3B collect things..
den sailou a..
suan liao lo..
keep do math..
no choi me..
still no bong can me oso..
TT
den ntg much..

bi drama..
omg..
da whole performance was ruined by me..
everything was so well..
bt y shud i be smiling..
my character shudn't be smiling..
HATE MYSELF!!
argh..
den continue my oral..
progress getting better..

den math ntg..
time flies..
suddenly bc jor..
went to 5B since our class is being used..
den went dere..
i was da 2nd of da day..
ARGH~!
now i hate myself more..
y cant i jux it do it naturally??
i've memorized all bt jux cant rmb..
y other ppl can bt i cant??!!
i rly hate myself..

den went bek home..
i tried smiling..
knew more things made my feelings go worse..
i rly dislike him more n more..
bt..
nt as much as i HATE myself..

den after nap..
i saw sumthin..
sumthin dat made my tears drop..
tears of touch..
dose comments was rly touching..
i seriously wanna thx u 2..
u guys r d best!!

den went tuition..
seeing other guy v u..
made me feel jealous..
i rly wanna be with u..
bt i managed to fake a smile..
bt da more i smile..
da more my heart hurts..
lik needles poking on it..
den after tuition..
went bek..

on9 as usual..
den chatted v him..
nearly quarreled..
bt i noe he very behsong now..
bt dose r da truth..
u r da 1 who broke ur promise..

i rly hate myself..
i m nobody..
im nt brave..
im nt gud enuf..
im nt open..
im selfish..
im too sensitive..
im care too much..
every1 hav deir right to social v others..
y shud i bother so much??!!
y!!

no1 is 3am..
i still m nt sleeping..
thinking how much of...
I ****ingly HATE MYSELF!!!
ARH!!