72nd day of waiting(2)

2nd post for today..

2day..
my day is very very very..
sad..

dis is da worst day ever..
ever since dat interview..
my mood has oredi changed..
i wasn't in mood..
cuz my performance is rly bad..
teac asked a lot of things..
bt my answer..
all normal answers..
ntg special..
all my qualifiation cant stand his..
n he is rly perfect for everuthing..
i dunno how..
he gt str8 As..
gud in sports..
gud in co-curriculum..

yea..
in my mind..
im responsible..
bt i regretted i din say it out..

now everything is too late..
yea..
dey still hav to vote..
bt..
i oredi noe da answer..
who wud wanna choose sum1 with lower qualification..
when dere is 1 better 1..
+ dey dunno me much..
dey dunno our attitude..
based on da qualification..
he is better..
A LOT!!

since then..
my mood..
seriously dropped..
nt rly in mood..
bt i tried to fake a smile in front of my frenz..

den jux went home alone..
with sadness in my mind..

den went home..
rly feeling lik finding sum1 2 talk to..
bt sailou oso bz v his exam..
so dun intend to bother him..
keep it with myself is enuf..

den tuition dat time..
i went dere..
u saw me..
bt u jux kept on doing ur things..
den i jux decided to stand aside..
den he came..
he did not know u were dere..
bt when he approached dere..
sumhow..
u jux woke up n came towards us..
is dis coincidence??
or..
dat time i din think much..

bt then..
during sj..
i heard a 'news'..
saying dat u guys..
...
was dat jux an 'illusion'??
wad he saw..
was it true??

when i heard dat..
an urge came into me..
an urge to cry..
he knew dat..
n keep saying dat he shudn't tell me..
den i controlled myself..
trying nt to cry..
den faked a smile..
trying to convince him dat im ok..
bt da more i fake..
da more my heart hurts..

den staring at da clock..
wondering when can i go bek..
i rly cant take it anymore..
da tears are all around my eyes..
going to fall..
trying to resist it..
i bite myself..
jux to control it..
leaving scars on my fingers..

finally..
time to go bek..
i str8 away..
went into da car..
held 2 cushions..
hug dem n cried..
on sum songs so dat dad cudn't listen..
den tears dropped continuously..
i rly cant resist..
den b4 reaching..
tried to hold back..

den reached..
went into room..
on com..
saw a fb msg..
dis time..
tears dropped agn..
drastically..
i rly cant stop..
kept crying..
for quite sum time..

rly feel lik finding sum1 to talk to..
abt everything..
bt..
rite now i can only keep it to myself..
i will jux fake smile to them..
cuz i dun wan dem to think so much..

让我自己一个吧···
我不想再装笑了···
每装一次··
心就仿佛被刺一刀··

rite now..
im a total failure..
da gal i lik luvs him..
da post in prefects oso let him gt it..
even is unofficially..
bt instincts tell me dat dose r true..
i rly m a failure..
i can do ntg..
living here oso useless...
USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!